Who Am I
I have these moments in life where I ask myself...who are you? I perceive myself as an introvert who wishes to avoid challenge and new experiences. And yet, I look at my life and realize... these are not the actions of one who avoids challenges. I'm taking on new challenges, pushing myself to limits, and exploring the world that is outside of my comfort zone. I'm doing new things at 34 that I never would have thought of doing in my 20's. So again I ask the question, who are you and what have you do with.....me?
Weighing In
Now that I'm healthy again...almost...it's time to get get back into shape.
Even now I am formulating excuses as to my lack of discipline and many of them are good, but none of them help me to do what I need to do now. I figure if I put it out here, I'll follow through with my plans. I'm very much about how I am seen. I try not to play into this very often, but I think it might help me accomplish what I'm trying to do. So, here we go. Back to the treadmill.
Even now I am formulating excuses as to my lack of discipline and many of them are good, but none of them help me to do what I need to do now. I figure if I put it out here, I'll follow through with my plans. I'm very much about how I am seen. I try not to play into this very often, but I think it might help me accomplish what I'm trying to do. So, here we go. Back to the treadmill.
To Those Mothers
To those mothers who have screaming children today
To those mothers who cried of sheer exhaustion
To those mothers who didn't get a shower today
To those mothers who can't remember her social security number let alone her birthdate
To those mothers who nursed a fussy baby today
To those mothers who ate her childrens lunch leftovers
To those mothers who watched yet another episode of the Wiggles today
To those mothers who know every word of every Dora song
To those mothers who carried a child within her womb today
To those mothers who carried a child in her arms
To those mothers who worried about her child today
To those mothers who worry everyday
To those mothers who celebrated a child's milestone today
To those mothers who celebrated a naptime
To those mothers who I stand shoulder to shoulder with....we are changing the world.
I found this picture today, and I remember thinking "When will the insanity be over?"
It isn't over yet, but time is passing too fast now. I used to call my mother during those stressed moments and she would always answer "This too shall pass." She was right. But secretly, sometimes I wish for those days.
What is the World Should We Do?
As my hubby and I change our perspective from protecting our kids from the world to educating them about what our role as followers of Christ are in this world we find ourselves doing things slightly different. The other day we went to a gym to watch our 9 year old play basketball. Afterward we made a pit stop at the locker rooms to use the porcelain seats (it was my husbands suggestion). Now if anyone knows kids you know that girls, in particular, will use any excuse to check out a new restroom. My daughter is no different. HOWEVER, anyone who has been in a locker room knows not everyone adheres to the same dress code or code of modesty that I do. So my little lady was exposed to some very mature anatomy that I had hoped to postpone. I laugh now as I envision my self trying to keep from covering her eyes, scream with disapproval, and hurry us both out of there as fast as possible. It must have been a sight. However in true form, we tried to walk out with some normalcy and decorum, that is until the sweet girl dropped her toys on the ground. The decorum was lost, I screamed at her to hurry up and pick up her toys, and pushed her out of the bathroom. As we emerged I shot my wonderful hubby a look of sheer anger. Of course he was confused as I scooted us all up the stairs and out of the door. I blamed him for the ordeal (it was his suggestion after all) and tried to get to our vehicle as fast as possible. I was halfway there when I heard a small voice from within say, "Time to educate her about her world and her role."
"GOD! You don't play fair!"
I slowed down and let my little girl catch up with me. Her head was down and she was very quiet.
"Are you okay?" my tone had changed to the more loving and caring voice I prefer to hear from myself.
"Yeah." she muttered quietly.
"Are you embarrassed by what you saw?" I asked her with a giggle.
"Yeah." she giggled back to me. "Why wasn't she wearing any clothes? Didn't she know we all could see her?"
As we continued to the car I explained to her that everyone has a different level of modesty, and some don't feel there is anything wrong with people seeing their bodies. I let her know I was a little embarrassed as well, but that no one had done anything wrong, it was just our reaction to a new experience. She asked a couple more questions and finished with "Can we go eat now?" and I knew we were done.
I so wanted to protect her from that...or at least delay it a little longer. But I realize, she had that experience with me and we were able to talk about it, laugh about it, and grow as mother and daughter. I can tell this is going to be a fun adventure, but it will require me to look at my world with different eyes.
"GOD! You don't play fair!"
I slowed down and let my little girl catch up with me. Her head was down and she was very quiet.
"Are you okay?" my tone had changed to the more loving and caring voice I prefer to hear from myself.
"Yeah." she muttered quietly.
"Are you embarrassed by what you saw?" I asked her with a giggle.
"Yeah." she giggled back to me. "Why wasn't she wearing any clothes? Didn't she know we all could see her?"
As we continued to the car I explained to her that everyone has a different level of modesty, and some don't feel there is anything wrong with people seeing their bodies. I let her know I was a little embarrassed as well, but that no one had done anything wrong, it was just our reaction to a new experience. She asked a couple more questions and finished with "Can we go eat now?" and I knew we were done.
I so wanted to protect her from that...or at least delay it a little longer. But I realize, she had that experience with me and we were able to talk about it, laugh about it, and grow as mother and daughter. I can tell this is going to be a fun adventure, but it will require me to look at my world with different eyes.
**I don't look down on anyone who shares this woman's modesty level or judge in any way. But when you and your kids see a naked body together for the first time you'll understand what I must have gone through that morning.**
Protecting
Did you know that there is only one reference to protection in the Bible. Strong's concordance finds only one scripture on protection. But there are lots of verses on teaching, instructing, and passing faith down to them. Just an interesting fact I'm finding. I've always believed that it's my job to protect them from the world. The older they grow it becomes nearly impossible to do this. But as I seek God's face regarding my mothering, I find that maybe my job is not to protect, but to instruct, teach, and pass faith. This job is still difficult, but I can do it, with God's help, I can do it.
Is It Scriptural To Protect Your Children?
Okay so I've been having discussions with those closest to me about a highly important aspect of my life. Is it biblical or scriptural to protect your children from the world. I'm going to be searching the Word to find my answer but if anyone has any opinions on this topic I would greatly appreciate it.
I'm finding lots of information on how to train the children, how to pass my faith down to them, but where is the Scripture about protecting them?
Just more thoughts from the curious mind of Angie.
I'm finding lots of information on how to train the children, how to pass my faith down to them, but where is the Scripture about protecting them?
Just more thoughts from the curious mind of Angie.
To Light or Not To Light
Matthew 5:14 - 16
“You are the light of the world—like a city on a hilltop that cannot be hidden. No one lights a lamp and then puts it under a basket. Instead, a lamp is placed on a stand, where it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your good deeds shine out for all to see, so that everyone will praise your heavenly Father. (NLT)
What I would like to know is this: What am I doing right now to put my light under a basket? What am I doing to place my lamp on a stand where it gives light to everyone in the house? How am I letting my good deeds shine for all to see, so that everyone will praise My heavenly Father? The sad truth is: my light is under a basket right now? I prefer to keep it there. It is safe and secure. I know where to find it. I know it won't be blown out if it is under a basket. No one can touch it. No one can criticize it. No one can comment on whether it is an effective light or not. But the reality of that truth is that the longer you keep a light under a basket the more you increase the risk of it suffocating and going out. Your light will extinguish for lack of air. My family is my light. God has asked us to move our family out of a comfortable, Christian environment into a more public venue. God has asked us to put ourselves in places where we will encounter more unchurched people than churched people. I would prefer to stay in the safety of my comfort zone. However, isn't that putting my light under a basket? If God has asked me to move out in faith and I choose to disobey, I am sinning.
It's easy to do good deeds for those who share your faith but what does it prove about how powerful God is if I choose to do those same good deeds for those who will not understand what I do?
It's easy to do good deeds for those who share your faith but what does it prove about how powerful God is if I choose to do those same good deeds for those who will not understand what I do?
Religious No More...Relevance Please
I've been a Christian for most of my life. I gave my heart to Jesus when I was 6 years old. I think it was a serious decision, because my whole life I have pursued the Godly life. It has not bee a popular life I have led, nor has it been the easy life, but I do have to say that I have had a blessed life. It's a life full of mistakes and failures, but it has also been a life full of love and blessings.
I find myself again searching for the Godly path. Being a Christian these days seems to be a bit confusing to me and I have begun asking some questions that I am sure will again put me on the wrong side of the line; but I really think these questions need to be asked of us as followers of God.
Am I relevant in my world today? The word relevant means having significant and demonstrable bearing on the matter at hand...what are the matters at hand in my life?
The past year has been full of the people I love making imperfect decisions, being imperfect people, and doing imperfect things. It has been full of news of illness, pain, and parasites (I HAVE to laugh about that). This year I have realized that life will not go how I planned it to go no matter what I try to do to control it. So what is the matter at hand in my life? How will we respond when life doesn't go the way we planned it to go? Following my rules, adhering to my guidelines, shutting out those who are imperfect, and reasoning that those who suffer do so because of their sin, doesn't seem to be relevant. It has no significant or demonstrable bearing on the matters at hand. This isn't the way Jesus lived His life.
I set out to find out how my Christianity would change if I took it outside of the neatly arranged box I had it in with this blog. It has taken me a year and a half to work up the nerve to pull God out of the box. What follows in the next few posts will make no sense to the religious, but I hope it makes the religious think about how they limit God. I, personally, am ready to explore the God of the Bible; the maker of heaven and earth, the God who parted the Red Sea, the God who made the earth stand still while Joshua fought Israelite enemies, the God who consumed Elijah's drenched offering by fire, the God who would send his only son to suffer and die on the cross for my sin, the God who would raise him from the dead, the God who wants to have a personal relationship with me and you, the God who would never impose on my free will to make that choice. I want to be a follower of THAT God.
I find myself again searching for the Godly path. Being a Christian these days seems to be a bit confusing to me and I have begun asking some questions that I am sure will again put me on the wrong side of the line; but I really think these questions need to be asked of us as followers of God.
Am I relevant in my world today? The word relevant means having significant and demonstrable bearing on the matter at hand...what are the matters at hand in my life?
The past year has been full of the people I love making imperfect decisions, being imperfect people, and doing imperfect things. It has been full of news of illness, pain, and parasites (I HAVE to laugh about that). This year I have realized that life will not go how I planned it to go no matter what I try to do to control it. So what is the matter at hand in my life? How will we respond when life doesn't go the way we planned it to go? Following my rules, adhering to my guidelines, shutting out those who are imperfect, and reasoning that those who suffer do so because of their sin, doesn't seem to be relevant. It has no significant or demonstrable bearing on the matters at hand. This isn't the way Jesus lived His life.
I set out to find out how my Christianity would change if I took it outside of the neatly arranged box I had it in with this blog. It has taken me a year and a half to work up the nerve to pull God out of the box. What follows in the next few posts will make no sense to the religious, but I hope it makes the religious think about how they limit God. I, personally, am ready to explore the God of the Bible; the maker of heaven and earth, the God who parted the Red Sea, the God who made the earth stand still while Joshua fought Israelite enemies, the God who consumed Elijah's drenched offering by fire, the God who would send his only son to suffer and die on the cross for my sin, the God who would raise him from the dead, the God who wants to have a personal relationship with me and you, the God who would never impose on my free will to make that choice. I want to be a follower of THAT God.
Procedures, Anniversaries, & Sushi
So I'm sure everyone wants to hear about my day, but I thought it was pretty funny. Yesterday was my thirteen anniversary...yeah for us. It has been thirteen great years. They have been some of the hardest years of my life, because I have been required to become less selfish and to become more giving. It's a good process and I am thankful for it. But to mark my thirteen anniversary, I had a procedure done. If you really want to know go ahead and ask. Let's just say I didn't get to eat for more than 24 hours. That's torture enough for me. My reward would be sushi so I endured.
Mistake #4 - Living The Uptight Life
It's easy to get caught up in the craziness of this life. This year I realized that time goes by so fast. I look back over the year and wish I had slowed down a little more, worried less, stopped to enjoy the sunset, soak up life and it's happenings rather than trying to beat the clock to the next event. So much was done in a hurry that I forgot to notice how my kids are growing so quickly.
There's no reason to elaborate on this topic. You know what I'm trying to say. I'll just tell you how I'm trying to remedy this problem.
1. Laugh at least once a day.
2. Dance instead of letting your temper get the best of you, doing it alone will encourage you to get into it.
3. Smell the roses - no literally I smell the roses on trips to costco. This is my routine with my girl. We stop and smell the roses.
4. Play a game with someone. We have kids so they get involved, but it's a fun way to pass the time.
5. Do a puzzle.
6. Let your kid read a book to you. It is a slow process but it's so cool to watch them get into the book.
Those are just a few we're trying here, but slow down and do let yourself get to uptight about things you won't remember next year when the ball drops.
Okay side bar, was anyone else both sad and admiring of Dick Clark's brave effort to do one last New Year's Eve show? Ahhhh....that's courage.
There's no reason to elaborate on this topic. You know what I'm trying to say. I'll just tell you how I'm trying to remedy this problem.
1. Laugh at least once a day.
2. Dance instead of letting your temper get the best of you, doing it alone will encourage you to get into it.
3. Smell the roses - no literally I smell the roses on trips to costco. This is my routine with my girl. We stop and smell the roses.
4. Play a game with someone. We have kids so they get involved, but it's a fun way to pass the time.
5. Do a puzzle.
6. Let your kid read a book to you. It is a slow process but it's so cool to watch them get into the book.
Those are just a few we're trying here, but slow down and do let yourself get to uptight about things you won't remember next year when the ball drops.
Okay side bar, was anyone else both sad and admiring of Dick Clark's brave effort to do one last New Year's Eve show? Ahhhh....that's courage.
MIstake #3 - Hiding my True Self
So I'm always complaining that no one knows me. I realized there are perceptions about me and believe it or not some of those perceptions are wrong. I was complaining this year to my wonderful hubby about how frustrated I was about those errors and he lovingly pointed out that "when you don't allow yourself to be vulnerable in front of people they are left to come up with their own perceptions". I'm sure I gave a hurt look or agitated comment, but later gave thought to his comment. I've mentioned my hesitation with allowing people too close for fear of hurt before, but what I didn't realize is that you need a big wall around your heart to accomplish the task of keeping people out. That wall creates a barrier between you and the outside world. That wall makes it possible for people to misperceive me. They have no other information to work with.
I remember the first time I cried in front of someone this year, they looked floored. I couldn't understand their response until later when I shared the incident with my husband. I commented that I cry all the time and for someone to be surprised by that is ridiculous. My husband responded that while I do share my tears with him, I do not share them with many others. So of course they are surprised when I do cry.
So here is my first step in breaking down my wall...it is a first step so don't laugh too hard, but hey at least I'm putting it out there right?
I'm extremely goofy. I try hard not to let it show in front of other people...I've been called a nerd as a result of this characteristic. When you are in 9th grade and get called a nerd you change. It's not good but it is what happens from time to time. So don't be surprised by my sudden outbursts of strangeness, it will happen.
I'm an extremely passionate person. There is rarely a middle ground of me. I'm either really happy, or really sad. I feel almost every emotion very deeply whether it is love, hate, rage, joy, compassion, concern, or frustration...I don't feel a little happy. I am ECSTATIC! I don't feel a little mad. I am IRATE! I've tried really hard to fix this but have come to the realization that God made me this way and I do a disservice to myself and the world around me if I try to change this aspect of my personality. So there you go.
Again those are first steps that may seem silly to you, but to me they are almost liberating.
I remember the first time I cried in front of someone this year, they looked floored. I couldn't understand their response until later when I shared the incident with my husband. I commented that I cry all the time and for someone to be surprised by that is ridiculous. My husband responded that while I do share my tears with him, I do not share them with many others. So of course they are surprised when I do cry.
So here is my first step in breaking down my wall...it is a first step so don't laugh too hard, but hey at least I'm putting it out there right?
I'm extremely goofy. I try hard not to let it show in front of other people...I've been called a nerd as a result of this characteristic. When you are in 9th grade and get called a nerd you change. It's not good but it is what happens from time to time. So don't be surprised by my sudden outbursts of strangeness, it will happen.
I'm an extremely passionate person. There is rarely a middle ground of me. I'm either really happy, or really sad. I feel almost every emotion very deeply whether it is love, hate, rage, joy, compassion, concern, or frustration...I don't feel a little happy. I am ECSTATIC! I don't feel a little mad. I am IRATE! I've tried really hard to fix this but have come to the realization that God made me this way and I do a disservice to myself and the world around me if I try to change this aspect of my personality. So there you go.
Again those are first steps that may seem silly to you, but to me they are almost liberating.
Mistake #2 - Sweating the Small Stuff
I tend to hold on way too long to stuff that doesn't really matter. What kind of stuff do you ask? Insignificant things really, things like how the laundry is folded; if the laundry gets folded; how clean the house is; whether or not insignificant things are done exactly the way I want them done. These are the things I get worked up about. The biggest one is what people think of me. What do they think of me? Do they think I am a good mother, do they think I am a good wife? What can I do to improve the quality of woman I am portraying? The funny thing I realized this year as I people watched from the comfort of my friendless shell is that people are worried about so much that they hardly notice me. Can you imagine, the gall of some people not to notice me? I know! I am flabbergasted. So my effort was in vain. What a waste!
I had to shift my focus and efforts onto something more productive. Maybe I could focus on actually being a good wife and mother rather than just trying to make myself look like a good wife and mother. And then, I heard it...the sentence that both wounded and healed my heart. This sentence would be my focus and my motivation for the remainder of my life. There can be no true love if there are only thoughts of self. Hold on, let me take the knife out of my HEART! The worrying I do about the house being clean, and the laundry being done, and how I look to outsiders is so insignificant in comparison to those inside my house who suffer from my worrying. If this sentence is true, then I had to admit that the love I claimed to feel for my husband and children was empty as long as I was worried about how I was perceived. Sweating the small stuff keeps me from truly loving those closest to me. Sweating the small stuff costs way too much. Life is so short and before I know it the kids will be grown and doing their own thing. I will have all the time in the world to clean house and fold laundry. The funny thing is when that time comes I'll be wishing for these days...these days I take for granted. So I'm learning to sit back, relax, let the house be imperfect, let the laundry take longer than a day to do, let others think what they want, and I am finding myself happier. I am also finding that I am truly loving and loved truly.
I once heard someone say Being loved and loving is more important than being perfect and I couldn't agree more.
I had to shift my focus and efforts onto something more productive. Maybe I could focus on actually being a good wife and mother rather than just trying to make myself look like a good wife and mother. And then, I heard it...the sentence that both wounded and healed my heart. This sentence would be my focus and my motivation for the remainder of my life. There can be no true love if there are only thoughts of self. Hold on, let me take the knife out of my HEART! The worrying I do about the house being clean, and the laundry being done, and how I look to outsiders is so insignificant in comparison to those inside my house who suffer from my worrying. If this sentence is true, then I had to admit that the love I claimed to feel for my husband and children was empty as long as I was worried about how I was perceived. Sweating the small stuff keeps me from truly loving those closest to me. Sweating the small stuff costs way too much. Life is so short and before I know it the kids will be grown and doing their own thing. I will have all the time in the world to clean house and fold laundry. The funny thing is when that time comes I'll be wishing for these days...these days I take for granted. So I'm learning to sit back, relax, let the house be imperfect, let the laundry take longer than a day to do, let others think what they want, and I am finding myself happier. I am also finding that I am truly loving and loved truly.
I once heard someone say Being loved and loving is more important than being perfect and I couldn't agree more.
Mistakes I Don't Want To Repeat in 2009
As the new year begins, I am prone to mull over the year gone by. I am the kind of gal who likes to make new mistakes, not the same ones over and over again. To avoid the same mistakes I look over the past year and try to pick out what mistakes I'd like to avoid in the new year. I'm going to try and post one every day this week or as long as I have mistakes to examine.
Mistake #1 - Never underestimate the value of friendship.
I've never really been one to have many friends. I learned early in life that people who are close to your heart are just people with more power to hurt you. So, my solution, easy...don't make friends. Have acquaintances but never friends. I understand that this would be a whole lifetime of making this mistake, but let's not get hung up on technicalities, life is too short. (That's mistake #2)
While it is true you don't risk wounds from friends if you don't have friends, what you do risk is incredibly astounding.
Here are the risks:
Lack of advice from a friend who cares and sees your life from a different perspective.
Lack of someone to have dinner with on a whim.
Lack of someone to call as a diversion when you're obsessing over life issues and really just need to stop.
Lack of someone to ask how that last test you just had done went.
Lack of someone who'll smile at you for no reason at all.
Lack of someone to give you a random hug.
Lack of someone to ask to pray for your current situation.
Lack of someone to witness your faith journey and testify how good God has been in your life.
Sure friends hurts you sometimes, but in all fairness the hurt often goes both ways. In a society where technology is a great excuse to keep depth of relationship 2 feet deep and yet give the illusion of 8 foot depth, we must fight ever fiercely to keep our friends close. And for those of us just starting out, we'll wade into the 2 foot deep pool and brave into the open waters of friendship. We'll face the waves of hurt, misunderstanding, fear, insecurity, and laziness (for me at least) and all the while remember that we can never underestimate the value of true friendship.
Mistake #1 - Never underestimate the value of friendship.
I've never really been one to have many friends. I learned early in life that people who are close to your heart are just people with more power to hurt you. So, my solution, easy...don't make friends. Have acquaintances but never friends. I understand that this would be a whole lifetime of making this mistake, but let's not get hung up on technicalities, life is too short. (That's mistake #2)
While it is true you don't risk wounds from friends if you don't have friends, what you do risk is incredibly astounding.
Here are the risks:
Lack of advice from a friend who cares and sees your life from a different perspective.
Lack of someone to have dinner with on a whim.
Lack of someone to call as a diversion when you're obsessing over life issues and really just need to stop.
Lack of someone to ask how that last test you just had done went.
Lack of someone who'll smile at you for no reason at all.
Lack of someone to give you a random hug.
Lack of someone to ask to pray for your current situation.
Lack of someone to witness your faith journey and testify how good God has been in your life.
Sure friends hurts you sometimes, but in all fairness the hurt often goes both ways. In a society where technology is a great excuse to keep depth of relationship 2 feet deep and yet give the illusion of 8 foot depth, we must fight ever fiercely to keep our friends close. And for those of us just starting out, we'll wade into the 2 foot deep pool and brave into the open waters of friendship. We'll face the waves of hurt, misunderstanding, fear, insecurity, and laziness (for me at least) and all the while remember that we can never underestimate the value of true friendship.
Nature
I love nature. I love looking at flowers, trees, animals, anything that God made I find fascinating. While we were in California we saw so many colors that I couldn't help myself with the camera. I am posting them here. I hope you enjoy them.
It is believed that roses are planted in vineyards for several reasons. The one I found interesting is that roses and grapevines are susceptible to the same plant diseases. The roses develop them faster so if the roses get sick the farmers check the grapevines.
This is the entrance to one of the wineries we visited. I wanted to pull to sit down and read a book, have a glass of wine, or just listen to the quiet.
These are flowers that lined the walkway of one of the wineries we visited.
It is believed that roses are planted in vineyards for several reasons. The one I found interesting is that roses and grapevines are susceptible to the same plant diseases. The roses develop them faster so if the roses get sick the farmers check the grapevines.
This is the entrance to one of the wineries we visited. I wanted to pull to sit down and read a book, have a glass of wine, or just listen to the quiet.
These are flowers that lined the walkway of one of the wineries we visited.
California Missions
While we were in California, we visited the mission in Soledad of Mission Neustra Senora Dolorosisima de Soledad. I've included a link for those who are interested. I won't bore the rest of you with then details.
It was a very interesting location full of the history and scenery I totally dig.
It is quite ironic that the location was known for being a lonely location.
I learned from my father in law that the missions were distanced to be a days walking distance so that the priests could walk by day to their destination and have a place to stay when night fell.
The beams in this chapel are painted three different colors. I'm not sure why, maybe it's just to make it look pretty, but I did find it very interesting that every aspect of this chapel was paid attention in the reconstruction. If I find an answer I'll let you know.
California Trip
We went on our annual trip to California to visit my sister in law. The picture is of a vineyard we visited while we were there. I love the colors of Salinas. You can't go anywhere without seeing something growing. Fruit, vegetables, grapes for wine. We also visited a mission. That was a very cool experience. I'll post those pictures later, but I figured I had better put up a new picture since it has been a while. I deliberately took pictures while we were in Salinas so I would have new images to post. Here is the first of many to come. There's lots happening here at the casita which will explain my briefness for today, but all is well regardless of all that is changing.
Who's In Charge Here?
So I've been feeling icky lately and couldn't figure out what was going on. I did all kinds of tests. CT scans, blood work, urinalysis and everything seemed fine. I've even had an ultrasound. The whole time I kept hearing a question in the back of my mind..."Will you let me heal you even if you don't know what I'm healing you of?" I'm a control freak! I'm ashamed to admit, this question was easy for me to answer...NO! I need to know what is wrong. God can't heal me without telling me what He's healing me of, that's just not the way we do it. Well, after 6 hours in the ER with great painkillers on board, very little sleep, and an "We can't see anything wrong with you Angelica" I was done. My need to feel better won over my need to know what was wrong. This was taking time from my children, my husband, myself and not to mention I was not going to be the reason we missed our trip to California. Yes, I finally resigned, yes God can heal me without telling me what's going on. Yes, God can make me feel better even when I don't have the control. Yes, God You can be in charge!
I had the wonderful opportunity to sing two of my new favorite songs back to back on Saturday and they never meant more to me than that night. Let My Words Be Few and In Christ Alone. The first song sings of the realization that I am so in awe of who God is and words cannot be what expresses my emotion, as they do not do Him justice. The second sings of my dependency on God. There is a line in the first verse that meant so much to me that night...What heights of love, what depths of peace...When fears are stilled, when strivings cease....My Comforter, my All in All....Here in the love of Christ I stand. When the fears of who I am without God are quited, when strivings for control and power cease, all I find myself in the greatest love and peace: In Christ alone. That is more than I deserve and all I need.
By the way, God is so gracious. I felt better almost immediately and figured if God had the power to do that I didn't need to know the answer. He gave me the answer anyway. I had a ruptured ovarian cyst. He gives me so much more than I deserve.
I had the wonderful opportunity to sing two of my new favorite songs back to back on Saturday and they never meant more to me than that night. Let My Words Be Few and In Christ Alone. The first song sings of the realization that I am so in awe of who God is and words cannot be what expresses my emotion, as they do not do Him justice. The second sings of my dependency on God. There is a line in the first verse that meant so much to me that night...What heights of love, what depths of peace...When fears are stilled, when strivings cease....My Comforter, my All in All....Here in the love of Christ I stand. When the fears of who I am without God are quited, when strivings for control and power cease, all I find myself in the greatest love and peace: In Christ alone. That is more than I deserve and all I need.
By the way, God is so gracious. I felt better almost immediately and figured if God had the power to do that I didn't need to know the answer. He gave me the answer anyway. I had a ruptured ovarian cyst. He gives me so much more than I deserve.
Vampire Snack
So I got to be a vampire snack today for the nurse. That was not too bad. We're checking for any vitamin deficiencies. Cool. Didn't know blood could tell you all of that. I get to take pictures of my insides on Friday. That should be pretty eventful. I'm trying to get everything done before we leave for California.
Oh yeah, California. We will be leaving on Tuesday for our annual trip to Salinas to visit John's sister and then off to DISNEYLAND! It's our wind town trip after the volleyball season. The kids give up time with us during the volleyball season and this has been our way just to spend some time with our kids. We'll get ready for our the holiday season when we get home. We are so excited about the holiday season. We love Christmas here at the Whitby home. But that is another post entirely. I'm looking forward to visiting with our California family and looking forward to catching up. Either way, the testing will be done and I'll be able to relax.
Oh yeah, California. We will be leaving on Tuesday for our annual trip to Salinas to visit John's sister and then off to DISNEYLAND! It's our wind town trip after the volleyball season. The kids give up time with us during the volleyball season and this has been our way just to spend some time with our kids. We'll get ready for our the holiday season when we get home. We are so excited about the holiday season. We love Christmas here at the Whitby home. But that is another post entirely. I'm looking forward to visiting with our California family and looking forward to catching up. Either way, the testing will be done and I'll be able to relax.
A Case of the Icky's
So I've been feeling like crap lately. It is so frustrating to me to not feel 100% as I like to go full strength into everything I do. I've been doing the doc thing and we can't figure it out. Part of me wonders if the stress of the year is taking it's toll and part of me worries that it's something that will cause more stress this year. I don't know. Either way, I'm admitting it to myself, I feel like crap. Maybe it's like a 12 step thing. The first step to getting better is to admit that there is a problem. Maybe my key to getting better is to admit that I feel like crap. Let's see if it works.
What Are You Passionate About
Just two of the things I'm passionate aboutSomeone once asked me what I was passionate about. At the time I wasn't sure how to answer. I am passionate about my family. It is my highest priority, other than being a godly woman, to be a great wife to my wonderful husband and a godly mother to my highly energetic children. It isn't easy to fulfill these tasks. It is the hardest work I have ever done. I've been thinking about it for a while and I realized I know what I am passionate about. I am passionate about families. I am passionate about sharing my experiences in an effort to help other women achieve their dreams of family. Everyone has something they are passionate about and I love that they vary greatly from person to person. My passion it family and keeping them whole. I don't know how God will use that for His service, but I am open to finding out.