Today I'd like to take some time and honor my Valentine. My honey and I have been married for 14 years. We've known each other for 17 years. He is the love of my life and I thank God for him every day. I have been honored to be the witness to his life and to have his as the witness of mine. I've been keeping track this week of the romantic things he does for me.There are more than I can list so in honor of Valentine's day, I will only list 14.
~ Made sure the dishes were done even though he was tired, because he knew I'd been shuttling kids around all afternoon including a last minute shopping trip for Valentine's day class cards.
~ Joined me in helping the kids to get their Valentine's day cards finished.
~ Refilled the sweet n low bowl.
~ Prepared coffee for me every morning so that I could wake up to fresh brewed coffee smells.
~ Picked up my prescription on his way home.
~ Reminded me to take my meds because he knows I have no brain in the morning.
~ Brought me a glass of water to take my meds with.
~ Sent me text messages during the day to tell me how much he appreciated my contribution to the family.
~ Transferred the laundry from the washer to the dryer because he knows my shortness makes this a difficult task for me.
~ Opens the car door for me and gets frustrated when I open it for myself.
~ Got dinner started because he got home before we did and knew the kids would be hungry.
~ Lets me put my cold feet on his warm feet.
~ Allowed me to be a stay home mom even though he works like a mule to keep the bills paid.
~ And finally, He loves Jesus with all of his heart and that is incredibly romantic to me.
It's easy to overlook the every day tasks our man does as his expression of love. It's easy to mourn over the lack of flowers, jewelry, and sweet loves notes. I love those things as much as the next gal, but men are a gender of action and if you take a minute and pay attention, we will see they are screaming out their love for us in their own practical ways.
Now before you start commenting on how easy I've got it, let me remind you, I give him three essential things. These love acts are his response to my providing for three of his needs.
1. I pray for him when he frustrates me rather than talk him to death (God's better at getting through to him than I am. I admit it freely.)
2. I tell him how proud I am of him and what an awesome husband and father he is. He loves to hear it, why not say it?
3. Physical contact. I heard a wise woman once say, "Go to sleep with one part of your body touching his." Enough said.
I do these three things and in return I get a multitude of daily love acts. I'd love to see every wife have a husband who cherishes her. I'd love to see every husband have a wife who believe he is the hero of the home. This blog post is me doing my part to see that vision become a reality. Hey, ya can't blame a gal for trying, right?
Have a Great Valentine's Day
Showing posts with label Marriage. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Marriage. Show all posts
Day 15 of The 30 Day Sex Challenge
The 30 Day Challenge...WOW! My heart is so full. I'm not sure how to start this particular post. I've got so much in my heart to share and don't want to overwhelm anyone with it. But I'll just take one thought at a time and see what happens.
So this Saturday the pastor man and his beautiful (both internally & externally) wife covered the topic of sex. I know, in church? They covered this tricky topic and did a good job. It was a bit awkward at times, but it went well. I think the church stays too silent on the topic of sex and what God desires of married couples and FOR married couples. He created sex to be a connection of two hearts and souls and often our society uses it as nothing more than a handshake. How sad is that? But that isn't what I wanted to focus on. However, here is a link to the message if you want to check it out. Be prepared, it's not what you're normally going to hear. Check it out, it's a good series.
The idea of the 30 Day Sex Challenge was a little daunting for me. I love the physical relationship with my husband, but I knew that God was going to do something in my heart and mind during this season. I wasn't sure I wanted to allow Him to do that work. I've avoided it for nearly two decades. I wasn't quite sure what I was avoiding, but I knew I did not want to look at it. I was, terrified of what we would find there. As we move into day 15 of the challenge, I'm glad I have opened my heart to it. I have found ugliness; self hatred, fear, and confusion. But what I have also found truth and in that truth I have found FREEDOM! My heart, during this series, has been for those who have been wounded by the enemy's version of sex. The abuse, the pain, the selfishness, and ultimately the devastation that happens when the enemy takes what God created and twists it for his own purposes. I am a survivor, no a warrior and victor of this version of sex. The details are unimportant to me now, but what is important is that God is continually healing my heart and mind from the bondage's that once kept me hostage. Why am I bringing it up, because I realize there are many who have been wounded deeply in the same way. Many of you find it difficult to enjoy the relationship God has given you in marriage. Many of you find it hard to open your heart to God and to your spouse. Many of you live with the fear that often accompanies these chains. I know I can't change it for you, but I do know someone who can. Even now as I continue with these words, I ask myself, "What do you think you can do about it? This is a blog. What difference will it make?" Maybe none, but maybe, just maybe it will help you. Maybe you will read these words and maybe you know the desire to be free from the pain of it all. Jesus! Maybe you're tired of reliving the memories. Jesus! Maybe you just want it all to finally be over, the pain, the hurt, the mistrust, the anger. Jesus! Jesus, my friend, will answer. He'll be there. I wish I could do more, but maybe this is all I am supposed to do for now. I pray for you and know that God is so powerful and able to do great things in your life. I know He's done great things in mine.
So this Saturday the pastor man and his beautiful (both internally & externally) wife covered the topic of sex. I know, in church? They covered this tricky topic and did a good job. It was a bit awkward at times, but it went well. I think the church stays too silent on the topic of sex and what God desires of married couples and FOR married couples. He created sex to be a connection of two hearts and souls and often our society uses it as nothing more than a handshake. How sad is that? But that isn't what I wanted to focus on. However, here is a link to the message if you want to check it out. Be prepared, it's not what you're normally going to hear. Check it out, it's a good series.
The idea of the 30 Day Sex Challenge was a little daunting for me. I love the physical relationship with my husband, but I knew that God was going to do something in my heart and mind during this season. I wasn't sure I wanted to allow Him to do that work. I've avoided it for nearly two decades. I wasn't quite sure what I was avoiding, but I knew I did not want to look at it. I was, terrified of what we would find there. As we move into day 15 of the challenge, I'm glad I have opened my heart to it. I have found ugliness; self hatred, fear, and confusion. But what I have also found truth and in that truth I have found FREEDOM! My heart, during this series, has been for those who have been wounded by the enemy's version of sex. The abuse, the pain, the selfishness, and ultimately the devastation that happens when the enemy takes what God created and twists it for his own purposes. I am a survivor, no a warrior and victor of this version of sex. The details are unimportant to me now, but what is important is that God is continually healing my heart and mind from the bondage's that once kept me hostage. Why am I bringing it up, because I realize there are many who have been wounded deeply in the same way. Many of you find it difficult to enjoy the relationship God has given you in marriage. Many of you find it hard to open your heart to God and to your spouse. Many of you live with the fear that often accompanies these chains. I know I can't change it for you, but I do know someone who can. Even now as I continue with these words, I ask myself, "What do you think you can do about it? This is a blog. What difference will it make?" Maybe none, but maybe, just maybe it will help you. Maybe you will read these words and maybe you know the desire to be free from the pain of it all. Jesus! Maybe you're tired of reliving the memories. Jesus! Maybe you just want it all to finally be over, the pain, the hurt, the mistrust, the anger. Jesus! Jesus, my friend, will answer. He'll be there. I wish I could do more, but maybe this is all I am supposed to do for now. I pray for you and know that God is so powerful and able to do great things in your life. I know He's done great things in mine.
Excuse Me...A 30 Day What Challenge?
Now that the 10 +10 challenge has come to an end...we're on to another challenge. I know, another one, but I kind of like this one...okay I really like this one. The people of our church have been asked to consider a challenge...a 30 day challenge. There is one for the singles...all the single ladies, all the single ladies...okay let's focus. There is also one for the marrieds. It is a 30 day Sex Challenge. Okay, wait. Before anyone starts guffawing or chafing, hear me out. I'm married, so I will pontificate (it's my new word and I had to use it) from a married perspective. We're on day 8 and it is so much more than sex. It's intimacy on a new level, a God level. It's creating a time to be open to hearing the heart of your spouse. It is opening yourself up to understanding what God says about your marriage. It's also providing a time to be heard and understood, by the person to whom you've committed your life. John and I have always said that DEATH is the only way out of our marriage. It's a great motivator for conflict resolution, since neither one of us has been ready to die for any conflict we've ever had. However, it is my hope that I am the kind of wife that grows and learns and is a proper companion to my husband. I do not want to just bide my time in a loveless marriage where I am not understood, known, or investigated. I want to experience all that marriage has to offer, but in order to do that, I must be willing to put effort into the experience. As I said, we are only on day 8, but already God is doing some much needed healing in my heart. I look forward to where we will stand on day 30. Keep in mind, I am speaking from a woman's perspective on the matter, so if you are a guy and want a man's perspective on this challenge, talk to my husband. But ladies, don't cheat yourself out of the love of a godly man. Consider the challenge. I'm pretty sure you're husband will be open to this challenge. 30 Day Sex Challenge? I don't want to be stereotypical, but what husband is going to turn that down? I'm just saying....
Solomon's Songs...Fact or Fiction
So I've been reading up on the Song of Solomon...I think I already said that and I have a thought. I hear a lot of debate about Solomon and his ability to be a good husband to 900+ women and I have a suggestion. There is no evidence, or is there...I might be mistaken in this...that Solomon was writing a documentary. If I read the first verses correctly it was a poem or song written by Solomon. I hear people speak of how it might be impossible for Solomon to experience this kind of marriage relationship. Maybe he didn't. Maybe the Song of Solomon was written by a man longing for this kind of love. Again, I could be completely wrong. Maybe this book was written for us women. Maybe it was written by a man to show us what a man desires of his woman. Maybe it was written to give us an idea of how important our presence is in their lives. Maybe it was written to give us permission to enjoy every aspect of our marital relationship. Maybe that's why they read it during Passover. Maybe they needed to remember that with all of the crap we have to put up with in life, God gave us the gift of marriage to get us through the harsh reality life can be.
My husband and I have been discussing this book and he assures me that a lot of what Mark Driscoll and my pastor Josh Reich say is true. I highly recommend you check their ideas out. Men do want the things Solomon sings about. I don't know if Solomon's songs are fictional or factual. I don't know if there was a woman who filled the longings of his heart the way the Shunamite woman did. But I do know this from reading his book.
1. God gave me permission to be a wife who fully enjoys every aspect of her marriage
2. It doesn't matter how much money or wisdom a man has, he still desires to have the love of a good woman.
3. My husband rocks!
My husband and I have been discussing this book and he assures me that a lot of what Mark Driscoll and my pastor Josh Reich say is true. I highly recommend you check their ideas out. Men do want the things Solomon sings about. I don't know if Solomon's songs are fictional or factual. I don't know if there was a woman who filled the longings of his heart the way the Shunamite woman did. But I do know this from reading his book.
1. God gave me permission to be a wife who fully enjoys every aspect of her marriage
2. It doesn't matter how much money or wisdom a man has, he still desires to have the love of a good woman.
3. My husband rocks!
Let's Talk About Sex...just for a minute
So we've been doing a series on the Songs of Solomon at our church, I know, it's **sex**. I'm not sure where the idea came from that once we give our hearts to God and ask Him to take control of our lives we become these non-passionate people. It almost seems that married Christians equate holiness with bland sexuality or no sexuality, and I'm learning through my personal studies, that's wrong! That Song of Solomon woman is anything but bland. She is sensuous, alive, passionate, attractive, and godly. She found her husband irresistible. But guys you have to admit, he made it pretty hard to resist. So help us out.
Now I understand there is an appropriate time for fasting from intimacy, but only for a short period of time. Then we are to resume intimacy to help each other from stumbling.
Ladies, we've been really bombarded with a lot of information on spousal abuse and how to prevent sexual assault from the opposite sex. We've even been sold the line that our bodies are our own and we have the right to do whatever we want with our bodies. It's our choice. But this verse says differently. Once we are married we give authority of our bodies to our husband. I know sounds harsh, BUT don't forget, he gives authority of his body to us.
So let me challenge you single gals, choose wisely, because the man you take for a husband, will be the man to whom you give power. And to you married ladies I challenge you, exercise your rights over his body. I'm sure he won't complain. Can you think of a better way to relax and unwind from a hectic day of people demanding EVERYTHING from you? I can't.
Now I understand there is an appropriate time for fasting from intimacy, but only for a short period of time. Then we are to resume intimacy to help each other from stumbling.
But don't forget that a couple of verses prior we are told this:Do not deprive each other of sexual relations, unless you both agree to refrain from sexual intimacy for a limited time so you can give yourselves more completely to prayer. Afterward, you should come together again so that Satan won’t be able to tempt you because of your lack of self-control. ~I Corinthians 7:5 (NLT)
So if I understand this verse correctly, I have sexual rights over my husband just as he has rights over me. So, if I deny him out of a desire to punish, retaliate, or gain revenge I am in sin. Yeah...I don't even want to go there.The husband should fulfill his wife’s sexual needs, and the wife should fulfill her husband’s needs. The wife gives authority over her body to her husband, and the husband gives authority over his body to his wife. 1 Corinthians 7:4-5 (NLT)
Ladies, we've been really bombarded with a lot of information on spousal abuse and how to prevent sexual assault from the opposite sex. We've even been sold the line that our bodies are our own and we have the right to do whatever we want with our bodies. It's our choice. But this verse says differently. Once we are married we give authority of our bodies to our husband. I know sounds harsh, BUT don't forget, he gives authority of his body to us.
So let me challenge you single gals, choose wisely, because the man you take for a husband, will be the man to whom you give power. And to you married ladies I challenge you, exercise your rights over his body. I'm sure he won't complain. Can you think of a better way to relax and unwind from a hectic day of people demanding EVERYTHING from you? I can't.
I Love My Man
My husband and I began dating 14 years ago this month. We reminisced about our courtship this weekend and marveled at how much we still love each other. I remember being worried that I might get tired of him or vice versa. I worried that we'd get bored of each other or run out of things to talk about. I was so wrong. I now look back and realize that no matter how much I thought I loved him I had no idea what love was. Love at that moment was a warm feeling of school-girl giddiness and excitement that I had someone to hold hands with and belong to. The love I have for that man now is deeper than anything I have ever experienced. It is stronger than any emotion I knew existed. The passion is stronger and purer than the day we married. Nothing really happens in my life unless I can share it with him. He is my best friend and life partner in every sense of the word. I look forward to the years ahead. The first 12 years of marriage have been filled with such wonder and love I can only imagine what the coming years will hold.
Happy Anniversary
Yesterday my husband and I celebrated our 12th anniversary. It was a neat day. I know some women like a big production on their anniversary, but I'm more inclined to sentiment. Some have asked what I gifts I received and I have to giggle when I tell them. They make no sense to anyone but me. I received a book titled "The Proper Care and Feeding of Marriage", a Tinkerbell coffee cup, sparring gear for my martial arts class, and a dozen roses. For those of you who are appalled at my husband's selection I must clarify, because I never want anyone to accuse my MAN of being unromantic. The book is written by one of my role models, Dr. Laura Schlessinger. She's taught me a lot about life, parenthood, marriage, and morals through her nagging. I like to joke that my mother is my mother and Dr. Laura is my father. So my MAN gave me her newest book, the one I have been wanting but will never buy for myself, because it is a frivolity. The sparring gear is another frivolity I have been putting off. I need it to better myself at my martial art, but it's cost could be used elsewhere. Again, my MAN came through. The coffee cup is a symbol, of his love for me. I love Tink. She is sassy and brave. All the things I aspire to be. And while I love Tink it is the cup, or rather what the cup symbolizes. Each night my husband prepares coffee for me. It is the smell I awake to. I wake to the smell and the reminder that the night before my husband delayed his evening relaxation to make coffee, so I could enjoy a cup while I did my quiet time. My coffee cup is with my at this moment. It is with this reminder of love that I go about my day. I am able to be the mother to his children. I am challenged in every detail of my day to say thank you with my acts of service and kindness to this wonderful man who's gifts may be unromantic to anyone else, but speak volumes about passion and romance than any gift he could ever give me. Twelve years has taught me this lesson. I was a brat when we first began. I am so thankful that he has been patient with me and has loved me with a love that only God could give him. He has been a true example of what God's love must be like.
A Serving of Perspective
I hate it when my perception of life is wrong. Don't you? I find this happens to me and it changes the whole way I see things. It isn't a bad thing to be able to shift perspectives, I just hate being wrong. I've spent most of my adulthood wondering why I don't get respect from the opposite sex. I already have "issues" with men stemming from childhood and then to feel disrespected by them is just adding insult to injury...that is, until I realized what the problem might be.
I was speaking with a friend yesterday and we were making polite conversation. (Just to set the scene, I had wondered to myself earlier in the day why this person was always so mean to me.) So we're making small talk when I hear a snide remark leave my mouth. OUCH! That was rude. I heard a little voice inside me comment, "And you wonder why he is mean to you?" I had been the one to draw first blood. I was the one on the offense.
As I recounted this story to my beloved later that day, I lamented that I might typically be the one on the offense. "I am offensive!" I jokingly exclaimed.
He is so sweet, because it was then that he made this insightful observation about me. "You are not offensive, honey," he said sweetly, "You just strike first to avoid being hurt." He knows me so well.
I have never felt comfortable in the presence of men, and to counter this feeling, I realize I may strike first to show my power despite my discomfort. So, I must now look through this new set of glasses at the world of men around me to assess, if in fact, it is my show of disrespect that leads to others lack of respect for me. Talk about a shift in perspective.
I was speaking with a friend yesterday and we were making polite conversation. (Just to set the scene, I had wondered to myself earlier in the day why this person was always so mean to me.) So we're making small talk when I hear a snide remark leave my mouth. OUCH! That was rude. I heard a little voice inside me comment, "And you wonder why he is mean to you?" I had been the one to draw first blood. I was the one on the offense.
As I recounted this story to my beloved later that day, I lamented that I might typically be the one on the offense. "I am offensive!" I jokingly exclaimed.
He is so sweet, because it was then that he made this insightful observation about me. "You are not offensive, honey," he said sweetly, "You just strike first to avoid being hurt." He knows me so well.
I have never felt comfortable in the presence of men, and to counter this feeling, I realize I may strike first to show my power despite my discomfort. So, I must now look through this new set of glasses at the world of men around me to assess, if in fact, it is my show of disrespect that leads to others lack of respect for me. Talk about a shift in perspective.