A Serving of Perspective

I hate it when my perception of life is wrong. Don't you? I find this happens to me and it changes the whole way I see things. It isn't a bad thing to be able to shift perspectives, I just hate being wrong. I've spent most of my adulthood wondering why I don't get respect from the opposite sex. I already have "issues" with men stemming from childhood and then to feel disrespected by them is just adding insult to injury...that is, until I realized what the problem might be.
I was speaking with a friend yesterday and we were making polite conversation. (Just to set the scene, I had wondered to myself earlier in the day why this person was always so mean to me.) So we're making small talk when I hear a snide remark leave my mouth. OUCH! That was rude. I heard a little voice inside me comment, "And you wonder why he is mean to you?" I had been the one to draw first blood. I was the one on the offense.
As I recounted this story to my beloved later that day, I lamented that I might typically be the one on the offense. "I am offensive!" I jokingly exclaimed.
He is so sweet, because it was then that he made this insightful observation about me. "You are not offensive, honey," he said sweetly, "You just strike first to avoid being hurt." He knows me so well.
I have never felt comfortable in the presence of men, and to counter this feeling, I realize I may strike first to show my power despite my discomfort. So, I must now look through this new set of glasses at the world of men around me to assess, if in fact, it is my show of disrespect that leads to others lack of respect for me. Talk about a shift in perspective.

It's more important to have love

I was driving home from a presentation a couple of nights ago and listening to a favorite podcast, when a statement was made that hit me: It is more important that my home is filled with love than it is to have order. I heard this and was brought to tears. Why am I crying? I couldn't understand it. So I started talking to Dad (you may call Him God) and asked him about this. Flashes of my life began to unfold before me. Life has always been ordered and structured. It has always had love but the structure was what I took away from it. I began to realize that my home was filled with more order than love. My children are growing quickly and soon I will be out of time. What do I want them to take away from their childhood?
I know it is more important to have love than order, but my mind wouldn't accept it. So I have purposed to deliberately leave one thing undone today. I will replace once activity of order with one activity of love. It's going to bother me to leave it undone, but I am sure I will get used to it. It is more important to have love. Order never got me through rough times, but love always has.

Love

Did you know that it's hard to love? It is truly a commitment. It's easy to offer the love, but the only way it can work is if you are willing to receive it. You've got to be willing to open your heart and allow someone to come in. It's like allowing someone into your home. They come in and check things out, maybe pick up that old picture frame you've had for years. Let's hope they don't drop it or break it. You notice their feet are covered in mud and they are tracking mud throughout your home. It is scary and at times overwhelming just to let people into your house, how do you let people into your heart? The only answer I can find to this question lately, is God. You trust God. You don't trust the person, because people let you down. People fail you. People are messed up and I am one of those messed up people so I know what I am talking about. But God is perfect and God has never let me down. He's made me wonder sometimes, but He's always come through. I have been experimenting with this lately. We've been offered the opportunity to love someone who cannot really offer anything in return. I will admit, it has been a painful experience, but I am learning so much about God's love. AND I am seeing that as we allow God to use us to love this person, HE is able to minister to ALL of us. God is so cool.

Christmas Time Is Here

As we baked cookies, watched the Muppet's Christmas Carol, and put up the Christmas tree (which will be decorated tonight), I realized that Christmas time is here! I love this time of year. It's so magical for us. We watch the world transform from a bleak and dismal place into a bright and still somewhat dismal place. Yes it is true nothing has really changed. Mean people are still rude. Bad people are still angry and hostile. BUT Good people seem to come out of hiding. The love and joy they possess infiltrates the world for a brief moment. Christmas is about Jesus and the ultimate gift He gave. Not many people acknowledge that with their words. but whether they admit it or not, He is the reason for the season. I saw a young man's wish list this year (he is in the foster care system). He had put down the typical teenager requests and I'm sure his foster family will do their best to give him what they can. But what pierced my heart was his final request...LOVE. How we take love for granted! How we assume it will always be there. The love that others offer us so freely often goes unnoticed or unappreciated. Meanwhile, back on my ranch, I choose to absorb and offer love. After all, isn't that what Christmas is truly about?

My Relationship With God

I received an e-mail from an elementary school classmate last night. It was so cool to hear from a person you last knew as a child. It got me to thinking about the school I attended for 9 years and the different philosophies I learned. The god I knew then is not the God I know now. It is amazing how one can grow up in religion and completely miss the relational aspect of God. I knew what I was supposed to do to be perceived as a "good Christian". I knew all of the terms. I knew the phrases that would gain me approval and acceptance. And yet, I did not live the life that gained the approval of the one I served.
Even now, it is easy to get caught up impressing each other with our accomplishments and self righteousness. Unfortunately, I forget to impress God. I filter my thoughts and I now realize my beliefs for fear they will be too offensive. I don't know why I am rambling on about this other than to say that I am done. As I am journeying on my Feral Christianity, I am learning so much about who I want to be compared to who I am. In order to be that person, I am going to have to take risks. I am going to have to put myself out there and allow myself to be perceived, scrutinized, and yes even judged. However, in the end the only judgment I will live by is the one that has captured my heart and has loved me so deeply and so truly.

How To Swallow Pride

Did you ever have one of those moments when you say something and immediately you know you are going to regret it? Those moments, for me, are usually accompanied with a slice of humble pie. I usually have to swallow my pride as well. I wrote this some time ago and thought I would share it as it came to mind today. Enjoy.

How to Swallow Pride

When swallowing pride be sure to have a large glass of prayer and a morsel of humility close by. Pride must be eaten very carefully to avoid indigestion of the spirit. Pride is not often easily swallowed on the first try; one must try at least twice to choke it down. It is bitter to the taste and quite a mouthful, however, if you can manage to get it down, you will be free of the resentment and anger that usually accompany it. You may be asking why should I even consider doing this if it is so unpleasant. I once asked that question and this is the answer I received. Knowing how to swallow pride will help you keep peace with unreasonable people (remember, the unreasonable person may be you). It will help you solve problems that seem to have no solution. Knowing this valuable skill will help you maintain relationships that can change your life. It can also help you see the error of your way when the pride has become too big to see around. There is no way around pride. You cannot stuff it in your napkin and hope the dog will come and eat it. You cannot throw it away, it just starts to smell and increase in portion after a while. The only way to be rid of pride is to swallow it.

Bon Apetit.

Disconnected

I read the poem by Maya Angelou this morning and it made me think.
It made me think about how connected or should I say disconnected we are from each other. Our family joined a small group linked to our church recently and have found it to be one of the highlights of our week. We have begun forging new friendships and have continued reinforcing current friendships. We need each other. There is no way we were meant to live life alone. We work better when we are connected and involved with each other's lives. It is messy and it is inconvenient at times, but I can't think of a better way to spend energy. It is refreshing to know that I have people to turn to when I am going through the darkest day of my life and to also know that I will not have to celebrate life's joys alone. There will be people there to stand along side of us.
I'm baffled that I choose to be disconnected for so long. I love being a part of a community now that we have actually put some effort into it. Why do you think we are more content to live disconnected?