I hate it when my perception of life is wrong. Don't you? I find this happens to me and it changes the whole way I see things. It isn't a bad thing to be able to shift perspectives, I just hate being wrong. I've spent most of my adulthood wondering why I don't get respect from the opposite sex. I already have "issues" with men stemming from childhood and then to feel disrespected by them is just adding insult to injury...that is, until I realized what the problem might be.
I was speaking with a friend yesterday and we were making polite conversation. (Just to set the scene, I had wondered to myself earlier in the day why this person was always so mean to me.) So we're making small talk when I hear a snide remark leave my mouth. OUCH! That was rude. I heard a little voice inside me comment, "And you wonder why he is mean to you?" I had been the one to draw first blood. I was the one on the offense.
As I recounted this story to my beloved later that day, I lamented that I might typically be the one on the offense. "I am offensive!" I jokingly exclaimed.
He is so sweet, because it was then that he made this insightful observation about me. "You are not offensive, honey," he said sweetly, "You just strike first to avoid being hurt." He knows me so well.
I have never felt comfortable in the presence of men, and to counter this feeling, I realize I may strike first to show my power despite my discomfort. So, I must now look through this new set of glasses at the world of men around me to assess, if in fact, it is my show of disrespect that leads to others lack of respect for me. Talk about a shift in perspective.
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