Showing posts with label Faith. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Faith. Show all posts
God, I Give You Permission To Change My Life
Asking God to change your life is a dangerous request. Don't imagine that He will change your life to accommodate your thinking. It won't happen that way...rather He changes your thinking to accommodate your life. It's not a bad thing to have happen, but if you're thinking your circumstances will change...think again. Your thinking about your circumstances will change. The upside is that you will eventually be more productive and find more peace. Those were the desired results so I can't complain. Just my thoughts for today.
Faithwalking is easy for CHUMPS
This week the Pastor Man opened up Nehemiah's life a little more by examining the distractions he faced. He's building the wall and these guys, their names is incredibly old school and hard to pronounce so I leave them out, are trying to get him to stop building. Distractions! You face distractions, I face distractions. It happens. I actually get to live this out in my week. Recently my hubby and I have felt God asking me to reexamine the focus of my area of service. We've prayed and prayed and agree with God (that's always a good conclusion isn't it) my focus will change. The decision hadn't even been made for 2 minutes when I heard all the arguments in my head on why I should stay on my current course. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! Not to mention, this week is the craziest week of our month. So I'm also hearing arguments like, "And you think you can handle that? You're a fool!" Seriously, no lie. It's brutal. At times, it's everything I can do not to quit. Anyone who tells you a life of faith is easy...IS A CHUMP! That's right, I said it, a CHUMP! You would think I would struggle with thoughts like these...
1. Pray. Don't pray some fancy, wordy prayer. When I'm start wrestling with feelings of inadequacy and thoughts of quitting I just pray a simple seemingly wimpy prayer. "God I need you. I need you. I can't do this by myself. I need you." Make it your own prayer but make it simple and to the point.
Repeat this process as necessary. Don't get stuck on, "I should be beyond this" "I shouldn't be struggling with this." That's pride and that's sin. It will only delay the process.
"What am I supposed to do?" "Where should I serve?" "How involved should I be?"
NO! Those are the questions I already have answers to. The thoughts I have been wrestling with go more like this..."It's going to require every ounce of me." "It's going to be hard." "I'm going to have to depend on You God, otherwise this won't get done."
I know what God is asking of me. I know He can get it done in me. What I don't know is this, how many times am I going to let Him down? How many times am I going to want to quit? How many times am I going to fight thoughts of inadequacy? I get tired just writing it down. Those are the thoughts I wrestle with, and I know I'm not the only one. You just aren't talking about your wrestling match. I know God is big enough, but if I commit to this I'm committing 100%. There is no halfway, there is no "I'll see how it goes". I do it or I don't.
What's my point? My point is, serving God is typically HARD. No one gets it easy. The Bible is full of stories of guys and gals who decided to serve God and then got their lives messed up. We shouldn't be focusing on how to keep the faith walk easy, we should be focusing on how to fight while we're on the faith walk. I'll share my strategies with you if you don't mind. It's not that I think you need them, I just need to write them down, because today I am going to have to fight on my faith walk and I need to refresh my memory.
1. Pray. Don't pray some fancy, wordy prayer. When I'm start wrestling with feelings of inadequacy and thoughts of quitting I just pray a simple seemingly wimpy prayer. "God I need you. I need you. I can't do this by myself. I need you." Make it your own prayer but make it simple and to the point.
2. Read your Bible. Yes, it works. Read Nehemiah, read Psalms, read Proverbs, read SOMETHING. Get familiar with what God says about you.
3. Finally, Pray some more.
Repeat this process as necessary. Don't get stuck on, "I should be beyond this" "I shouldn't be struggling with this." That's pride and that's sin. It will only delay the process.
Now, to go and live what I write.
My Throw Down With God.
Me and God had a throw-down today. It was pretty intense. I was listening to the Pastor Man on the podcast today. I missed the main event on Saturday night and wanted to find out what I missed. We're going through Nehemiah and if you've been keeping up with the blog you know, I'm getting a lot out of it. You would be too if you were listening in. Anyway, I'm rabbit trailing.
So today I'm listening to the most recent talk and God starts whispering to me. Mind you, He's been whispering for a while, but I've been deflecting Him with other conversations. Today He would be heard. It went something like this
GOD: Hey I really want you to do something.
Me: I am doing something.
GOD: I want you to do this thing though.
Me: Ummmm, I don't think this is God.
GOD: Yeah chick, it's me.
Me: Ummmm, I don't really think that I want to do that.
GOD: But will you do it?
Me: Ummm, No?
GOD: Okay.
Me: Wait, wait, wait.....But I don't want to do it.
GOD: I heard you say that already.
Me: I'm going to end up doing it, You know I will. You know I want to do whatever You want me to do, but I want to go on record as saying I don't want to do it, so You're going to have to do something about that.
Then the response was so appropriate, it melted my heart.
So today I'm listening to the most recent talk and God starts whispering to me. Mind you, He's been whispering for a while, but I've been deflecting Him with other conversations. Today He would be heard. It went something like this
GOD: Hey I really want you to do something.
Me: I am doing something.
GOD: I want you to do this thing though.
Me: Ummmm, I don't think this is God.
GOD: Yeah chick, it's me.
Me: Ummmm, I don't really think that I want to do that.
GOD: But will you do it?
Me: Ummm, No?
GOD: Okay.
Me: Wait, wait, wait.....But I don't want to do it.
GOD: I heard you say that already.
Me: I'm going to end up doing it, You know I will. You know I want to do whatever You want me to do, but I want to go on record as saying I don't want to do it, so You're going to have to do something about that.
Then the response was so appropriate, it melted my heart.
For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. ~ Jeremiah 29:11
The big idea from the message was, Don't ask God what He wants you to do, ask God who He wants you to be. As you start to see who God wants you to be, you start to behave out of that knowledge. If you ask God what He wants you to do, it's easy to find reasons why you can't do it. Ask God who He wants me to be? I did. Who He wants me to be, is different than what I want me to be. But as I put the two together I realized, He's trying to give me a hope and a future. And the two, do go together, just not in the way I was planning. How can I go wrong with God's plan? So, God wins, again. Sweet defeat.
The Uniting Principle
As the Nehemiah series continues, I'm finding Iove this story. I've said that before, but I'm saying it again, I LOVE IT! This morning the Nehemiah Study Guide recommended we read over Ephesians 4:2-3. Have you ever read that passage? No, I mean really read it. I added the first verse for context sake.
I therefore, a prisoner for the Lord, urge you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which you have been called, with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace. ~Ephesians 4:1-3
After reading the passage, I thought, hmmm that's nice. However, my curiosity was piqued. What did that really mean? Oh my! I love words and language. It is a passion of mine. So from time to time I'll study the words to get the full impact of the verse. This is what I got. Granted, it is my interpretation, so disagree if you will.
Angie Interpretation
Walk with humbleness of mind (you're not the best thing to happen to the world)
Walk with moral excellence that is useful (what good is it if you're moral and you are of no help to anyone)
Walk with a long enduring temper (in the same way that they get on your last nerve, you get on theirs so relax)
Hold yourself up in love for another (If you depend on others to make you feel good you'll get let down. Besides feelings are fleeting and cannot be trusted. So remember that you love them and operate out of that fact.)
Use speed, be prompt and earnest to keep the unity of the Spirit in the uniting principle of peace(Don't put making peace off until tomorrow, it may be too late.)
How different would churches look if we operated out of this understanding? How different would our interactions with each other be? How would our marriages endure? How would our parenting change? It's amazing to me to see how practical and useful this can be to my life. I just thought I'd share it with you all. Hope it helps.
I therefore, a prisoner for the Lord, urge you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which you have been called, with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace. ~Ephesians 4:1-3
After reading the passage, I thought, hmmm that's nice. However, my curiosity was piqued. What did that really mean? Oh my! I love words and language. It is a passion of mine. So from time to time I'll study the words to get the full impact of the verse. This is what I got. Granted, it is my interpretation, so disagree if you will.
Angie Interpretation
Walk with humbleness of mind (you're not the best thing to happen to the world)
Walk with moral excellence that is useful (what good is it if you're moral and you are of no help to anyone)
Walk with a long enduring temper (in the same way that they get on your last nerve, you get on theirs so relax)
Hold yourself up in love for another (If you depend on others to make you feel good you'll get let down. Besides feelings are fleeting and cannot be trusted. So remember that you love them and operate out of that fact.)
Use speed, be prompt and earnest to keep the unity of the Spirit in the uniting principle of peace(Don't put making peace off until tomorrow, it may be too late.)
How different would churches look if we operated out of this understanding? How different would our interactions with each other be? How would our marriages endure? How would our parenting change? It's amazing to me to see how practical and useful this can be to my life. I just thought I'd share it with you all. Hope it helps.
A New Hat & a Strong Heart
Sometimes I smile when I think of what God has done in my life. God has been so good, He's been just that good. I was once so afraid of life, love, and new experiences. This week, as I tackle tasks that require so much of me, I smile. Who is this person? Who does she think she is? She believes she can change the world. She is no longer filled with fear. She looks for new experiences. Who is this person? She is a woman in love with God, the one who has been so faithful and good. The Bible passage comes rushing to the front of my mind and I must share it.
The Spirit of the Lord GOD is upon me, because the LORD has anointed me to bring good news to the poor;
he has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim liberty to the captives, and the opening of the prison to those who are bound; to proclaim the year of the LORD’s favor, and the day of vengeance of our God; to comfort all who mourn; to grant to those who mourn in Zion— to give them a beautiful headdress instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, the garment of praise instead of a faint spirit;
~ Isaiah 61: 1-3
As Israel is in the middle of a hard age in history, at this point, they receive this promise from God. I read this as a little girl and told God, if You can help these people, You can help me. My heart was broken at a very young age, in my mind, I was poor, I felt like a prisoner of one who would choose evil over and over again, so I knew I would qualify for the blessing. I realize I was a child and my thinking was a bit warped, but I believed God would give me a beautiful hat to replace the ashes someday. I believed He would fill my life with gladness and give me a strong heart to replace the sadness and fear. It took a while to realize those dreams, but He has blessed my life so greatly. I have clung to God with ferocity and when I have let go, He has held me even more ferociously. I suppose my point is, God comes through. He may not come through in our time frame, but He comes through in His time frame. If your life is broken, if your heart is destroyed, if you are prisoner to sin, pain, hurt, anything, if you need a new hat and some new clothes to replace the rags of shame and disappointment....I have an answer for you...GOD. God is so good....He's been just that good to this little girl from the neighborhood.
The Spirit of the Lord GOD is upon me, because the LORD has anointed me to bring good news to the poor;
he has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim liberty to the captives, and the opening of the prison to those who are bound; to proclaim the year of the LORD’s favor, and the day of vengeance of our God; to comfort all who mourn; to grant to those who mourn in Zion— to give them a beautiful headdress instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, the garment of praise instead of a faint spirit;
~ Isaiah 61: 1-3
As Israel is in the middle of a hard age in history, at this point, they receive this promise from God. I read this as a little girl and told God, if You can help these people, You can help me. My heart was broken at a very young age, in my mind, I was poor, I felt like a prisoner of one who would choose evil over and over again, so I knew I would qualify for the blessing. I realize I was a child and my thinking was a bit warped, but I believed God would give me a beautiful hat to replace the ashes someday. I believed He would fill my life with gladness and give me a strong heart to replace the sadness and fear. It took a while to realize those dreams, but He has blessed my life so greatly. I have clung to God with ferocity and when I have let go, He has held me even more ferociously. I suppose my point is, God comes through. He may not come through in our time frame, but He comes through in His time frame. If your life is broken, if your heart is destroyed, if you are prisoner to sin, pain, hurt, anything, if you need a new hat and some new clothes to replace the rags of shame and disappointment....I have an answer for you...GOD. God is so good....He's been just that good to this little girl from the neighborhood.
Are You Sure I'm the Trowel You Wanted?
It has finally happened. I am a Feral Christian. I found God as a little girl at 6 years old. I gave Him my heart completely and He took that 6 year old little girl seriously. That afternoon, I drove home in the back of a pick up truck singing crazy pentecostal songs with a 50-year-old man who found Jesus the same day. We sang at the top of our lungs and we sang the song over and over again. I was a crazy 6 year-old Christian who had no fear, no inhibitions, and no worries of what the world thought of me. As I grew, I was tamed by religion. I was bound by piety. I was crippled by my pride. At 30 I began to miss the crazy 6-year old. I've journeyed to get back in touch with her. Four years later, I'm reconnecting with the fearless, uninhibited, wild child I once was. I believe God is big. I believe He loves me. I believe He's got big plans for my little life.
That being said, I'm struck by a thought today while I'm reading my Bible. Our church is doing a series on Nehemiah and I am loving this story. A slave decides he wants to rebuild the walls of a city he is descended from but has never visited. I imagine him as a William Wallace, Maximus, or Leonidas type of guy. I imagine him riding around on his horse, reminding the people of the power of the God they serve. I imagine him carrying his trowel in one hand and his sword in the other. Did I say a trowel? Yeah, the guy is building a wall. As he is rebuilding the wall he's met with resistance, but is able to rally his countrymen to defend what is rightfully theirs. What a story!
So the thought I am struck with is this: I must be prepared to do the work of a woman who believes and serves a big God. I have children and it's a hard job. I thought it would let up a little once they got older, but it's getting harder. My days are no longer filled with changing diapers, breastfeeding, or holding little ones who need to be close. My days are now filled with prayer, observation, prayer, imparting knowledge and wisdom, and prayer. I have been moving forward in this season of my life with apprehension, insecurity, and downright fear. As I envision Nehemiah walking around the wall encouraging the people of God to continue building, I imagine myself there. My husband and I are God's tools and we are being used in the lives of Isaac and Elisa. I must have faith that God is able to use me to do what He has planned for me to do. Let's imagine I am the trowel and I spend my day as such...God, are You sure You want me? There are better trowels. There are fancier trowels. I am not the most expensive trowel. I've got a dent and if you look closely, there's a chip here. I know it says stainless steel, but maybe I'm really made out of plastic and am only covered with stainless steel paint... That wouldn't do. No. As I thought about this I had this image instead...God walks into the garden center at Target. He walks over to the trowels. He looks and looks for the perfect trowel for Isaac and Elisa's lives. He finds me. He says, "This trowel is perfect. It's just what I was looking for. This trowel, will be the trowel I need to build the lives of Isaac and Elisa." As I type this, tears fill my eyes. God chose me to be their mother. God chose me to be John's wife. God chose me to be the daughter and sister in my extended family. It wasn't an accident. God didn't make a mistake and I didn't slip by without Him noticing. He was deliberate. I will surrender to that Will and move forward with confidence and courage.
That being said, I'm struck by a thought today while I'm reading my Bible. Our church is doing a series on Nehemiah and I am loving this story. A slave decides he wants to rebuild the walls of a city he is descended from but has never visited. I imagine him as a William Wallace, Maximus, or Leonidas type of guy. I imagine him riding around on his horse, reminding the people of the power of the God they serve. I imagine him carrying his trowel in one hand and his sword in the other. Did I say a trowel? Yeah, the guy is building a wall. As he is rebuilding the wall he's met with resistance, but is able to rally his countrymen to defend what is rightfully theirs. What a story!
So the thought I am struck with is this: I must be prepared to do the work of a woman who believes and serves a big God. I have children and it's a hard job. I thought it would let up a little once they got older, but it's getting harder. My days are no longer filled with changing diapers, breastfeeding, or holding little ones who need to be close. My days are now filled with prayer, observation, prayer, imparting knowledge and wisdom, and prayer. I have been moving forward in this season of my life with apprehension, insecurity, and downright fear. As I envision Nehemiah walking around the wall encouraging the people of God to continue building, I imagine myself there. My husband and I are God's tools and we are being used in the lives of Isaac and Elisa. I must have faith that God is able to use me to do what He has planned for me to do. Let's imagine I am the trowel and I spend my day as such...God, are You sure You want me? There are better trowels. There are fancier trowels. I am not the most expensive trowel. I've got a dent and if you look closely, there's a chip here. I know it says stainless steel, but maybe I'm really made out of plastic and am only covered with stainless steel paint... That wouldn't do. No. As I thought about this I had this image instead...God walks into the garden center at Target. He walks over to the trowels. He looks and looks for the perfect trowel for Isaac and Elisa's lives. He finds me. He says, "This trowel is perfect. It's just what I was looking for. This trowel, will be the trowel I need to build the lives of Isaac and Elisa." As I type this, tears fill my eyes. God chose me to be their mother. God chose me to be John's wife. God chose me to be the daughter and sister in my extended family. It wasn't an accident. God didn't make a mistake and I didn't slip by without Him noticing. He was deliberate. I will surrender to that Will and move forward with confidence and courage.
Broken Hearts and Tough Decisions
WOW! Friday's events were more than I bargained for. It has taken me 16 hours to take in the weight of it all. I wasn't even able to speak about my reaction to it until 12 hours later. My heart was broken for people. I have never had that happen before. I made the comment to a dear friend of ours that I have spent years as a Christian without having my heart broken for people...I then joked, "Can I really say I've lived the life of a Christian if my heart has not been broken?". I watched a brave group of people decide to shut down a school. Their hearts were heavy with the decision. I then watched the same group of people make the decision to merge with another school. They made the decision I feel was in the best interest of their community, but I could tell they understood the weight of the decision and, much like Frodo, they wished this task was not theirs to bear.
I'm left with a desperate feeling that there is something I should do to help, but our family is still trying to decide how our family will move forward with regards to this decision. I wish only to be helpful. I wish only to make a difference. I wish most of all to be an example of the awesome God who I love and serve. How to do that remains to be seen.
I'm left with a desperate feeling that there is something I should do to help, but our family is still trying to decide how our family will move forward with regards to this decision. I wish only to be helpful. I wish only to make a difference. I wish most of all to be an example of the awesome God who I love and serve. How to do that remains to be seen.
Nehemiah
Nehemiah....oh boy. This book is going to get our church in a whole lot of trouble. It's a good thing, don't get me wrong pastor man, but do you realize what you're doing? You're encouraging us to dream and pray and seek God regarding the plans He has for our futures. God is giving me a vision and I know I'm not the only one. My fellow Revolutionaries, do you realize what could happen to Tuscon if we all pursue those things that God has put in our hearts to do? Tucson will be turned upside down and inside out! Boy oh boy oh boy....this could be big. Can we hold to it? Can we persevere? Can we stand the storm that comes when we decide to follow Jesus? I can't wait to find out.
What The Heck Is Going On Here?!
What the heck is going on here?! Something is going on inside of my heart, my mind and scarier still...the depths of who I am. I've been a Christian my whole life and I have never felt a passion stirring in me for those who don't know Jesus. I can't stop talking about Him. I can't stop thinking about Him. If I didn't know better I would say I'm a new believer. But I know what's really going on. I've been praying that God would change my heart and soften it for Him and His people. It's happening. How have I gone this long without feeling this passion? If I didn't feel such an undescribable joy, I would feel sad about it.
So let me caution you who have called yourself Christian now. Do not let your heart be hardened. Don't start to think the way the world thinks. God is big. God is powerful. But so much more importantly, God is loving. and the best way for us to make His name famous is to allow Him to plant that love inside of our hearts.
Our church is going through a new series. Building a City Within a City. It is a study on Nehemiah. The first one was awesome. The pastor man referenced a Saturday night where he preached to 11 of us. I remember that night. I remember asking God that night if we were in the right place. I saw how many people were there and it didn't look good. I asked God for a sign. Boy did He give me one. That pastor man walked out on to the stage and preached. He remembers sounding angry, I remember him sounding passionate. I remember being floored by the passion with which he preached...to all 11 of us. I've been asking God for the same passion. It's taken a while, but I think I see sparks of it in my heart. Are you passionate about God? And if you are not, really start asking yourself, why?
So let me caution you who have called yourself Christian now. Do not let your heart be hardened. Don't start to think the way the world thinks. God is big. God is powerful. But so much more importantly, God is loving. and the best way for us to make His name famous is to allow Him to plant that love inside of our hearts.
Our church is going through a new series. Building a City Within a City. It is a study on Nehemiah. The first one was awesome. The pastor man referenced a Saturday night where he preached to 11 of us. I remember that night. I remember asking God that night if we were in the right place. I saw how many people were there and it didn't look good. I asked God for a sign. Boy did He give me one. That pastor man walked out on to the stage and preached. He remembers sounding angry, I remember him sounding passionate. I remember being floored by the passion with which he preached...to all 11 of us. I've been asking God for the same passion. It's taken a while, but I think I see sparks of it in my heart. Are you passionate about God? And if you are not, really start asking yourself, why?
A Story Worth Telling
You know those movies where the boy meets the girl. The love stories spent recalling how they almost fell in love several times. The meet, they part, they meet they part, one loves the other, it isn't reciprocated. Until the climax of the story, they meet in some sort of crisis and realize they can't live without each other and finally fall in love and live happily ever after. You know the stories I'm talking about. That is my story with God. The only twist is, He has always loved me faithfully. He's always been with me. I have always thought, "One day, I'll write my story and the world will be changed by it." I realize how vain that is now. I have spent too much time worrying that I have stories that will never be told. I worry that God has put me on a shelf to collect dust. I am so wretched. I don't deserve to have my story told for it is not my story. I don't deserve to have my name remembered. I don't deserve to be memorialized. I am a sinful woman. I have evil and selfishness in my heart. Any good that comes from my life has come at the hand of God. You, O GOD, have been the glory of my story. No one should want to remember me, nor should I want to be remembered. I have failed you over and over again. If any story is to be told about my life it should be the story of how I failed God over and over again and how He continued to bless my life. I didn't deserve it, nor did I earn it. I earned punishment, and consequence. God has given me favor. My story is no different from yours. The details may change, but God has been pursuing you just as He has pursued me. He loves you faithfully and completely, as He loves me. No. My story is no different. My good days, if I lined them all up together, would compose a paragraph, maybe. Nothing about me will change the world. I'm broken, I'm horribly imperfect, and I'm mean-spirited. My story will not make you want to follow God. God, now He's a different story. He's someone worth talking about. Did you know that He loved humanity so much that He took on human form so He could walk among us? Did you know that even though we were terribly mean to Him during His time on earth, He still loved us? Did you know He allowed Himself to be beaten and laughed at, by US, just so the price for our stupidity would be paid? Did you know that He willingly went to the cross? I would have used my power as God to put an end to the pain. I would have killed everyone who was hurting me. I would have sent us all to hell and started over and I would have felt completely justified. My bad choices, my mistakes, they all are my own doing. I chose those things. God chose to love me even though I did those things and still doing those things. No, my story isn't worth telling, unless I tell you that God is responsible for any good thing in my life. The husband I have, God gave him to me. The family I am a part of, God gave that family to me. The children I have, God gave them to me. The love that has filled my life, God is responsible for that. The peace that lives with me, it is the peace God gives. Every good and perfect thing comes from God. Do you have that? You should. God wants to give it to you. So what I know now is that, my story isn't worth telling, but if you ask me, I will tell you about the God that loves you so much and wants to come into your story and fill it with all of the love He has for you. That story would never end.
The Winner in My Reality
What do you do when you start to get bogged down with your reality? Okay maybe that doesn't make sense...let's try it this way.
You're having a great day. It's nice and cool. The wind on your face has hints of winter in it. The smell of cooler weather teases. Summer is almost gone. You can feel it. You feel re-energized. This has been a good day. Then REALITY hits you. Maybe it's an illness, maybe it's a difficult relationship, maybe it's a situation you have been ignoring, no matter what it is...it hits you and steals the joy you felt just seconds ago. You begin to think about the reality of your life and begin to feel weighted down with it. It almost seems unbearable. It's suffocating the joy from your life. What do you do in that moment? Do you have a plan?
As you may have guessed it's been a rough morning, but I'm getting through it and winning the battle. I have made a plan and have a strategy to get through these mornings. I still struggle sometimes, who doesn't? But I remember the days when I lost more than I won and I wondered, do you have those days? Do you lose more than you win? Do you have a plan, a strategy?
I'd like to share mine with you. This morning my son had a seizure...he has epilepsy. His seizures are so infrequent that it is almost easy to forget he has it. And then mornings, like this morning happen and reality hits us. It isn't that I fear for his life, God has promised me that he will be fine. I don't know what that means and I don't know how He will keep that promise, but I know that He never fails on His promises. But I do have a sense of guilt after mornings like the one I had today. "Could I have prevented it? Could I have done something different? Should I have sent him to school afterward? Will he be emotionally scarred? Will he be okay?" I begin to forget that God has it in His control. So what do I do?
1. Remember God's promise and that He is faithful.
2. I listen to some Kirk Franklin fighting music. It changes my mindset from victim to predator. I will not be the victim of my reality, I will be the VICTOR.
3. I share my thoughts with God. Many times if I vocalize them, they don't sound so crazy anymore. OR sometimes I realize how silly my thoughts are and am able to turn them over to God.
4. I find some way to do something for someone else. This gets my focus off of myself and my reality.
5. I remember that my feelings are not reality and work very hard not to make any decisions based on my feelings. Feelings are fleeting and come and go with the wind.
I hope that helps. It's helped me. If you haven't noticed, I'm working steps 3 and 4 with this here blog.
Now, I'm ready to go and take on my day and be the winner in my reality.
GO GOD!
You're having a great day. It's nice and cool. The wind on your face has hints of winter in it. The smell of cooler weather teases. Summer is almost gone. You can feel it. You feel re-energized. This has been a good day. Then REALITY hits you. Maybe it's an illness, maybe it's a difficult relationship, maybe it's a situation you have been ignoring, no matter what it is...it hits you and steals the joy you felt just seconds ago. You begin to think about the reality of your life and begin to feel weighted down with it. It almost seems unbearable. It's suffocating the joy from your life. What do you do in that moment? Do you have a plan?
As you may have guessed it's been a rough morning, but I'm getting through it and winning the battle. I have made a plan and have a strategy to get through these mornings. I still struggle sometimes, who doesn't? But I remember the days when I lost more than I won and I wondered, do you have those days? Do you lose more than you win? Do you have a plan, a strategy?
I'd like to share mine with you. This morning my son had a seizure...he has epilepsy. His seizures are so infrequent that it is almost easy to forget he has it. And then mornings, like this morning happen and reality hits us. It isn't that I fear for his life, God has promised me that he will be fine. I don't know what that means and I don't know how He will keep that promise, but I know that He never fails on His promises. But I do have a sense of guilt after mornings like the one I had today. "Could I have prevented it? Could I have done something different? Should I have sent him to school afterward? Will he be emotionally scarred? Will he be okay?" I begin to forget that God has it in His control. So what do I do?
1. Remember God's promise and that He is faithful.
2. I listen to some Kirk Franklin fighting music. It changes my mindset from victim to predator. I will not be the victim of my reality, I will be the VICTOR.
3. I share my thoughts with God. Many times if I vocalize them, they don't sound so crazy anymore. OR sometimes I realize how silly my thoughts are and am able to turn them over to God.
4. I find some way to do something for someone else. This gets my focus off of myself and my reality.
5. I remember that my feelings are not reality and work very hard not to make any decisions based on my feelings. Feelings are fleeting and come and go with the wind.
I hope that helps. It's helped me. If you haven't noticed, I'm working steps 3 and 4 with this here blog.
Now, I'm ready to go and take on my day and be the winner in my reality.
GO GOD!
Summary of the 10 +10 Challenge
The 10 + 10 challenge is over and I have to agree with my pastor, it has changed my life. It has changed my perspectives on things and that is changing my life and how I live it.
Here are just a few of the changed perspectives.
- My marriage
~ Old perspective – I'll just pray that John figures out what we're supposed to do
~ New perspective – God show us what it is you're trying to teach us.
- My parenting
~ Old perspective – I hope my kids don't embarrass me with their behavior.
~ New perspective – God help us to teach our children about Your love for them, so that they will one day embrace our faith in You as their own.
- My friendships
~ Old perspective – How come no one ever notices when I'm having a hard day. No one cares.
~ New perspective – Which one of my friends needs an example of God's love today? God, use me to remind them how much You love them.
I like the changes I am seeing in myself and the environment around me. It's amazing how internally I had begun to think and how my surroundings were suffering because I was not available to help God meet needs. I know I have a long way to go, but I'm glad I'm no longer wasting time contemplating the importance of my navel and aware of the work God has for me to do.
Apathy...My Great Sin
As I continued in Hosea I start to recognize a trend. The nation of Israel begins to indulge in foreign gods and even the priests turn to drunkenness and sexual sin. It's an "every man for himself" idea that seems to prevail among them. And all I can think is...Why do we do it? We exchange God for a buzz and, excuse my frankness, orgasm. I see it in our society all the time. I've been guilty of it myself. Right now I'm listening to Kirk Franklin, a brother who has had his struggles, but does his best to keep getting up, and it reminds me what it was to be on God's team. Those days when I believed I could take on the enemy and be victorious with my God on my side, or me on His. I took myself out of the game. I saw the need of our world and believed the lie that I couldn't make a difference. The need was too great and I was too small. I've not committed any grand sin, I tell myself, but haven't I? Isn't apathy a dangerous sin to the kingdom of Heaven? I have watched acquaintances struggle beside me and fight all sorts of battles, all the while I have felt nothing and have done nothing. Knowing that Jesus can help and change, I've remained silent. How dare I? I have watched as brothers and sisters in the faith have sustained relentless attacks on their hearts and I have remained silent. How dare I?! I'm not beating myself up, I'm calling myself out on my GRAND SIN! I want Peter 1:22 to become my lifestyle...Love each other with a warm love that comes from the heart...a heart that is hopefully being regenerated by God Himself.
So, my friends, Jesus! Jesus can change your life. Jesus can change your heart. Jesus can take your torn and broken heart and make it whole again. He's done it for me in ways that you can't even imagine. I've not shared my stories for fear, but He has changed my life in amazing ways. If you need Jesus, He's there. I'm here as well to tell you about what He's done in my life. Jesus!
And yet another poem written July 19, 2004
A growing distance grows in the quietness of our ranks
We say little of our needs and holes
We speak only of our accomplishments and failures
Our dreams of changing the world melt into dreams of survival
The gulf between you and I expands as our competition and gossip blind us
I no longer see you as an asset but as one more person I must best
As children we shared secrets and giggled about life
Now we shut each other out and withhold information in order to succeed
I stopped today and look at you and I cried
You looked so lonely and confused, maybe even a little scared
I knew those feelings myself
I wanted to reach out to you and tell you I was here
for some reason I didn't
I wanted to take your hand and tell you you weren't alone
My pride kept me silent
What has happened to us
We say nothing of dreams, hopes, or aspirations
We speak only of chores
We talk and talk and say nothing of who we are or who we hope to be
So, my friends, Jesus! Jesus can change your life. Jesus can change your heart. Jesus can take your torn and broken heart and make it whole again. He's done it for me in ways that you can't even imagine. I've not shared my stories for fear, but He has changed my life in amazing ways. If you need Jesus, He's there. I'm here as well to tell you about what He's done in my life. Jesus!
And yet another poem written July 19, 2004
A growing distance grows in the quietness of our ranks
We say little of our needs and holes
We speak only of our accomplishments and failures
Our dreams of changing the world melt into dreams of survival
The gulf between you and I expands as our competition and gossip blind us
I no longer see you as an asset but as one more person I must best
As children we shared secrets and giggled about life
Now we shut each other out and withhold information in order to succeed
I stopped today and look at you and I cried
You looked so lonely and confused, maybe even a little scared
I knew those feelings myself
I wanted to reach out to you and tell you I was here
for some reason I didn't
I wanted to take your hand and tell you you weren't alone
My pride kept me silent
What has happened to us
We say nothing of dreams, hopes, or aspirations
We speak only of chores
We talk and talk and say nothing of who we are or who we hope to be
Hosea?
I've been asking God about what I should be reading in His Word and Hosea kept repeating in my mind. I don't know if He was telling me to read the book about the prophet who was married to a prostitute, but I read it anyway just to cover my bases. I told my pastor I was going to be doing this and his repsonse was "Why Hosea?" I didn't know why then, but I do know why now.
As I said, Hosea is the book written by a prophet who married a prostitute. It creates a unique image of Israel's relationship with God at the time, but I also think it creates a great picture of any Christian's relationship with God, at least for me this is true.
How often do I allow something else to play the role of redeemer in my life. One definition of redeem is to convert into something of value. I have been guilty of allowing things in my life to give me value. I know I have played the part of a harlot in my relationship with God. I know I've allowed earthly things to sustain me when I should have been turning to God for sustenance. I've explained it away. I've made excuses, but the fact remains...IT IS SIN and I AM GUILTY OF IT. It's not important why I do it, although I'm sure it would make good conversation, but what is important is what steps I now take to make this right. And then it all makes sense. I cannot make it right. There is nothing I can do to make it right. There is only one person, one thing that can make it right. Jesus and His blood can make it right. Nothing in me can fix this. I'm continuing this conversation with my Redeemer, but my initial response is the poem below.
As I said, Hosea is the book written by a prophet who married a prostitute. It creates a unique image of Israel's relationship with God at the time, but I also think it creates a great picture of any Christian's relationship with God, at least for me this is true.
How often do I allow something else to play the role of redeemer in my life. One definition of redeem is to convert into something of value. I have been guilty of allowing things in my life to give me value. I know I have played the part of a harlot in my relationship with God. I know I've allowed earthly things to sustain me when I should have been turning to God for sustenance. I've explained it away. I've made excuses, but the fact remains...IT IS SIN and I AM GUILTY OF IT. It's not important why I do it, although I'm sure it would make good conversation, but what is important is what steps I now take to make this right. And then it all makes sense. I cannot make it right. There is nothing I can do to make it right. There is only one person, one thing that can make it right. Jesus and His blood can make it right. Nothing in me can fix this. I'm continuing this conversation with my Redeemer, but my initial response is the poem below.
I Hear You're In the Business
I approach a Holy God so aware of who I am
I know I don't deserve what You will freely give
But I hear You're in the business
Of making old hearts new
And the one I have here
Could use some help from You
I've cheated and I've lied and I've stolen and I've deceived
There is nothing I have done of which I'm proud
But I hear You're in the business
Of making old hearts new
And the prideful heart I have here
Could use some help from You
I know I'll fail You again I won't want to but I will
I will fall and fall, but if you help I'll keep getting up
Because I hear You're in the business
Of making old hearts new
And my broken heart here
Will take the help from You
Jesus take this old broken heart and please make it new
I approach a Holy God so aware of who I am
I know I don't deserve what You will freely give
But I hear You're in the business
Of making old hearts new
And the one I have here
Could use some help from You
I've cheated and I've lied and I've stolen and I've deceived
There is nothing I have done of which I'm proud
But I hear You're in the business
Of making old hearts new
And the prideful heart I have here
Could use some help from You
I know I'll fail You again I won't want to but I will
I will fall and fall, but if you help I'll keep getting up
Because I hear You're in the business
Of making old hearts new
And my broken heart here
Will take the help from You
Jesus take this old broken heart and please make it new
The god of satellite is still dead
It's been 10 days....count 'em 10 days without satellite TV. I have to admit, I was doing okay until day 8 and then, I lost it. I am ashamed to admit it, but I did lose it. I'm amazed how much I depend on TV to help me relax and zone when I'm stressed. Friday I was particularly stressed and all I wanted to do was sit down with the remote control and channel surf. I realize we have plenty of good movies and I enjoy them all, but there are particular shows I enjoyed such as Snapped, Little House on the Prairie, New Detectives, not to mention Psych, Monk, and House. I stood in the middle of my living room and proclaimed in frustration "All I wanna do is watch TV and I'm so mad that I can't and THAT makes me so ashamed of myself! I'm such a baby!" I laugh now, but I was completely serious at the time.
Today, I finished two sets of curtains that I've had been procrastinating on for WAY TOO LONG. I've cleaned out things in my house that I've neglected for months. I've started being more diligent about my promise to learn to read music. I'm doing alot I've been putting off. Isn't it funny, how you learn to adapt when the need arises.
I think it's sad that my biggest accomplishment today, in my mind, was that I didn't complain about the lack of satellite. I didn't miss it, I didn't feel sad about it, I actually didn't even feel the urge to watch. Yeah, I'm pathetic. But at least I've gone through the first step. I was a TV junkie.
SIDEBAR: The kids have had less trouble with our current situation than their dear old mom. What's that all about?
Today, I finished two sets of curtains that I've had been procrastinating on for WAY TOO LONG. I've cleaned out things in my house that I've neglected for months. I've started being more diligent about my promise to learn to read music. I'm doing alot I've been putting off. Isn't it funny, how you learn to adapt when the need arises.
I think it's sad that my biggest accomplishment today, in my mind, was that I didn't complain about the lack of satellite. I didn't miss it, I didn't feel sad about it, I actually didn't even feel the urge to watch. Yeah, I'm pathetic. But at least I've gone through the first step. I was a TV junkie.
SIDEBAR: The kids have had less trouble with our current situation than their dear old mom. What's that all about?
The god of Satellite has Died
Well, it happened. The funny thing is....I knew it was bound to happen. I just didn't expect it to happen the way that it did. Long story short, the home is now officially without satellite TV. Only the four basic channels now flow through our TV wavelengths. TV watching is something I've always done. And now...it has come to a complete HALT. I am quite ashamed to admit that I am dying a slow death. Yes, the lack of TV is killing me...quite literally. It is killing the lazy, self indulgent, distracted side of me. I kind of had a clue, but I have ignored it. There was this still small voice calling to me..."Spend time with me. I want to hang out with you. Get to know me a little better." NO! It wasn't my husband or kids. It was my Jesus. I no longer can ignore that still small voice. There is no Little House on the Prairie, Dateline TV, or Snapped sounds to drown them out. It's going to be a process I realize, but I can already tell it is going to be uncomfortable. I'm willing to hang touch, for now. I'm willing to see it through. It's interesting though, I've learned a few things about myself.
1. No noise leaves lots of time for listening, reflecting, and processing.
2. The kids are getting more focused and productive attention
3. I don't even turn the TV on now to watch basic channels, what's that all about? It's not like I can't, I just don't.
1. No noise leaves lots of time for listening, reflecting, and processing.
2. The kids are getting more focused and productive attention
3. I don't even turn the TV on now to watch basic channels, what's that all about? It's not like I can't, I just don't.
Assessment Pt. 2
God took me seriously 28 years ago. I've said that before. What I haven't realized before is that I have been viciously attacked for the past 28 years by an unseen enemy who would have me taken out of the battle before it even began. I know that I've been redeemed, justified by the blood of Jesus and His work on the cross. What I hadn't realized is that there is a part two to the process. Regeneration. Mark Driscoll refers to Justification as the work that Jesus did on the cross for us, and Regeneration as the work the Holy Spirit does in us. To hear him talk on that more click here.
I don't think I've ever gone through this process. I've been trying to survive for the past 28 years. I've not even given thought to heaving a regenerated heart. So, my journey to regain my Feral Christianity continues. I'm both excited and frightened. Pride will have to die in order for me to let my heart be regenerated. I've been trying to prove I'm God's kids with my acts of service and goodness, which is ridiculous. I'm already God's kid. Imagine that. I'm not saying the past 28 years are a waste, but I do believe I made it a little harder on myself than it needed to be. I've been trying to be good with a nasty heart. What I should have been working for is letting God get rid of my nasty heart. That sounds so simple, but something tells me, it's going to be harder than it appears.
I don't think I've ever gone through this process. I've been trying to survive for the past 28 years. I've not even given thought to heaving a regenerated heart. So, my journey to regain my Feral Christianity continues. I'm both excited and frightened. Pride will have to die in order for me to let my heart be regenerated. I've been trying to prove I'm God's kids with my acts of service and goodness, which is ridiculous. I'm already God's kid. Imagine that. I'm not saying the past 28 years are a waste, but I do believe I made it a little harder on myself than it needed to be. I've been trying to be good with a nasty heart. What I should have been working for is letting God get rid of my nasty heart. That sounds so simple, but something tells me, it's going to be harder than it appears.
Assessment of the 10 + 10 Challenge Pt. 1
Like most things, I took the 10+10 challenge with naive enthusiasm. "I'm going to do it and God's going to change my life. Yes!" Be careful what you ask for, right? God's been messing with my life in ways I wasn't prepared for. Here's just one story.
I met Jesus when I was 6 years old. My life was already a little complicated at such a tender age. I met Him at church and the woman told me a story using a little book with no words and pages full of color.
Black ~ The color of my heart full of sin. At six I knew I did have such a heart.
Orange ~ The color of the fires of Hell, the place you must go to when you choose not to have a relationship with God.
Red ~ The color of the blood that was shed when Jesus died on the cross for my black little heart. I wanted the blackness of my heart to be gone so desperately.
White ~ The color of my heart after it has been washed in the blood of Jesus. I spent a lot of time in the dirt so this was an understandable concept for me.
Gold ~ The color of the place I get to go after my heart is washed. I wasn't too concerned with where I would go when I died, because I was only six, I had a lot of time left.
Blue ~ The color of the waters of baptism. I didn't quite get this part but I like the color blue, and I liked the water. So baptism couldn't be all that bad.
Purple ~ The color of royalty, what I would become as a result of my white heart. As a fatherless child, this held incredible appeal. I not only got a daddy, but I got a daddy who was a king!
Green ~ The color that represented the growth and maturity that would take place over the next years.
I admit, it sounds so simple, but it is what I remember as my salvation experience. That was 28 years ago. I didn't walk away from God. I didn't spend much time building my testimony. But I did spend many years sitting still in the bondage of fear.
I met Jesus when I was 6 years old. My life was already a little complicated at such a tender age. I met Him at church and the woman told me a story using a little book with no words and pages full of color.
Black ~ The color of my heart full of sin. At six I knew I did have such a heart.
Orange ~ The color of the fires of Hell, the place you must go to when you choose not to have a relationship with God.
Red ~ The color of the blood that was shed when Jesus died on the cross for my black little heart. I wanted the blackness of my heart to be gone so desperately.
White ~ The color of my heart after it has been washed in the blood of Jesus. I spent a lot of time in the dirt so this was an understandable concept for me.
Gold ~ The color of the place I get to go after my heart is washed. I wasn't too concerned with where I would go when I died, because I was only six, I had a lot of time left.
Blue ~ The color of the waters of baptism. I didn't quite get this part but I like the color blue, and I liked the water. So baptism couldn't be all that bad.
Purple ~ The color of royalty, what I would become as a result of my white heart. As a fatherless child, this held incredible appeal. I not only got a daddy, but I got a daddy who was a king!
Green ~ The color that represented the growth and maturity that would take place over the next years.
I admit, it sounds so simple, but it is what I remember as my salvation experience. That was 28 years ago. I didn't walk away from God. I didn't spend much time building my testimony. But I did spend many years sitting still in the bondage of fear.
10 + 10 Challenge Day 2
Today my attention was drawn to the story of John the Baptist meets Jesus. It's not a big story, and not a lot is really said with words. I was asked to look a little closer, I have to assume God's finger was pointing it out. Again, I'm not that clever on my own.
So, John just finishes calling the Pharisees on the carpet. "You guys are like rats on a drowning ship." Not exactly what he said, but you get the idea. He's pretty much telling them that if they're looking for the next "How To Get Holy With Three Simple Steps" they're looking in the wrong place. John's mission with baptism was not to make people holy with the water from the river, he was symbolizing the washing that would take place in their hearts and minds. That's a whole different post, but it's worth some thought. So I'm going to move over that for now. Jesus comes through and is ready to be baptized.
I suddenly appreciate the implications of what Jesus is doing. In essence, He is submitting to the authority God has given John the Baptist. I do martial arts. Whenever I see my Sah Bom Nims (masters) I am required to bow and greet them in Korean "Ahn youn ha se oh, TANG SOO!" The Tang Soo should be said with spirit and strength. This is to happen no matter where I am. The first thing I do when I enter the school is, I bow and greet. If I'm at Starbucks and Sah Bom Nim walks in, I bow and greet. If I'm in church and they visit, I bow and greet. I show respect to the years they have dedicated to the art, and the respect I feel for their efforts on my part. So, Jesus coming to be baptized by John is like my Sah Bom Nims coming to me and bowing and greeting me, and asking me to teach them a class. John's repsonse is what I imagine mine would be...I'm not qualified, I'm not even qualified to teach you to stretch, please let me learn something from you."
Jesus was the son of God. He could have just walked up to the scene and informed John that He was going to take over. "Thanks for getting them started." But He restrains Himself and shows respect to what God is doing there and endorses it with His act of humility. What a lesson for my proud heart. Sometimes, I know that I'm right. Sometimes, I know that my way is the way. And I speak out of turn, out of place, with disrespect and disregard. How can God be in that? He can't. I can learn to be humble as my Jesus was humble. He did not exercise His authority over people and strong arm people into doing things His way. He waited and listened and acted, only when God released Him to act and THAT is why He is still changing the world. It sounds so easy, but it will be a lesson I struggle to learn until the day I die.
So, John just finishes calling the Pharisees on the carpet. "You guys are like rats on a drowning ship." Not exactly what he said, but you get the idea. He's pretty much telling them that if they're looking for the next "How To Get Holy With Three Simple Steps" they're looking in the wrong place. John's mission with baptism was not to make people holy with the water from the river, he was symbolizing the washing that would take place in their hearts and minds. That's a whole different post, but it's worth some thought. So I'm going to move over that for now. Jesus comes through and is ready to be baptized.
I suddenly appreciate the implications of what Jesus is doing. In essence, He is submitting to the authority God has given John the Baptist. I do martial arts. Whenever I see my Sah Bom Nims (masters) I am required to bow and greet them in Korean "Ahn youn ha se oh, TANG SOO!" The Tang Soo should be said with spirit and strength. This is to happen no matter where I am. The first thing I do when I enter the school is, I bow and greet. If I'm at Starbucks and Sah Bom Nim walks in, I bow and greet. If I'm in church and they visit, I bow and greet. I show respect to the years they have dedicated to the art, and the respect I feel for their efforts on my part. So, Jesus coming to be baptized by John is like my Sah Bom Nims coming to me and bowing and greeting me, and asking me to teach them a class. John's repsonse is what I imagine mine would be...I'm not qualified, I'm not even qualified to teach you to stretch, please let me learn something from you."
Jesus was the son of God. He could have just walked up to the scene and informed John that He was going to take over. "Thanks for getting them started." But He restrains Himself and shows respect to what God is doing there and endorses it with His act of humility. What a lesson for my proud heart. Sometimes, I know that I'm right. Sometimes, I know that my way is the way. And I speak out of turn, out of place, with disrespect and disregard. How can God be in that? He can't. I can learn to be humble as my Jesus was humble. He did not exercise His authority over people and strong arm people into doing things His way. He waited and listened and acted, only when God released Him to act and THAT is why He is still changing the world. It sounds so easy, but it will be a lesson I struggle to learn until the day I die.
10 + 10 Challenge
10 minutes of Reading
Today I read in Matthew, as suggested. I didn't speed through the begats and found it cool that 5 women made it into the Who Begat Who list. Tamar, Rahab, Ruth, Bathsheba, and Mary. Isn't it funny that four of the five women begat sons from their second marriages AND that ALL of the women had a slightly scandelous history? I thought that was really fascinating. But the question that formed in my mind today had nothing to do with the scandelous women and Mary...or maybe it did.
Jospeh, I noticed, was faced with a choice right off the bat. He would either have to believe that Mary carried the child of God, or not. He was a good man, he had a good reputation. Mary in her condition, would ruin that repuation. Believing in God would mess up what he had spent his past working for. If he chose not to believe Mary is carrying God's son, his future is in jeopardy. Choosing not to believe God puts his future at risk. Believe- sacrifice the past. Not Believe - sacrifice the future. WOW! These five women did have something in common with Joesph after all.
10 Minutes of Praying/Listening
So I listened for a while and I was reminded of Proverbs 3:5 Trust in the Lord with all your heart., do not depend on your own understanding. The verse sparked a train of thought that I want to believe was God poling around in my heart, because I don't think I would have been this clever on my own. I want to believe like this. I want to trust in the Lord with all my heart, but what would that look like. How would my life change if I trusted in the Lord with all my heart? What would my life look like? It's the thought I am mulling over in my mind and heart today. Let me know if you find any answers, I'm interested to hear them.
Today I read in Matthew, as suggested. I didn't speed through the begats and found it cool that 5 women made it into the Who Begat Who list. Tamar, Rahab, Ruth, Bathsheba, and Mary. Isn't it funny that four of the five women begat sons from their second marriages AND that ALL of the women had a slightly scandelous history? I thought that was really fascinating. But the question that formed in my mind today had nothing to do with the scandelous women and Mary...or maybe it did.
Jospeh, I noticed, was faced with a choice right off the bat. He would either have to believe that Mary carried the child of God, or not. He was a good man, he had a good reputation. Mary in her condition, would ruin that repuation. Believing in God would mess up what he had spent his past working for. If he chose not to believe Mary is carrying God's son, his future is in jeopardy. Choosing not to believe God puts his future at risk. Believe- sacrifice the past. Not Believe - sacrifice the future. WOW! These five women did have something in common with Joesph after all.
10 Minutes of Praying/Listening
So I listened for a while and I was reminded of Proverbs 3:5 Trust in the Lord with all your heart., do not depend on your own understanding. The verse sparked a train of thought that I want to believe was God poling around in my heart, because I don't think I would have been this clever on my own. I want to believe like this. I want to trust in the Lord with all my heart, but what would that look like. How would my life change if I trusted in the Lord with all my heart? What would my life look like? It's the thought I am mulling over in my mind and heart today. Let me know if you find any answers, I'm interested to hear them.