So I'm always complaining that no one knows me. I realized there are perceptions about me and believe it or not some of those perceptions are wrong. I was complaining this year to my wonderful hubby about how frustrated I was about those errors and he lovingly pointed out that "when you don't allow yourself to be vulnerable in front of people they are left to come up with their own perceptions". I'm sure I gave a hurt look or agitated comment, but later gave thought to his comment. I've mentioned my hesitation with allowing people too close for fear of hurt before, but what I didn't realize is that you need a big wall around your heart to accomplish the task of keeping people out. That wall creates a barrier between you and the outside world. That wall makes it possible for people to misperceive me. They have no other information to work with.
I remember the first time I cried in front of someone this year, they looked floored. I couldn't understand their response until later when I shared the incident with my husband. I commented that I cry all the time and for someone to be surprised by that is ridiculous. My husband responded that while I do share my tears with him, I do not share them with many others. So of course they are surprised when I do cry.
So here is my first step in breaking down my wall...it is a first step so don't laugh too hard, but hey at least I'm putting it out there right?
I'm extremely goofy. I try hard not to let it show in front of other people...I've been called a nerd as a result of this characteristic. When you are in 9th grade and get called a nerd you change. It's not good but it is what happens from time to time. So don't be surprised by my sudden outbursts of strangeness, it will happen.
I'm an extremely passionate person. There is rarely a middle ground of me. I'm either really happy, or really sad. I feel almost every emotion very deeply whether it is love, hate, rage, joy, compassion, concern, or frustration...I don't feel a little happy. I am ECSTATIC! I don't feel a little mad. I am IRATE! I've tried really hard to fix this but have come to the realization that God made me this way and I do a disservice to myself and the world around me if I try to change this aspect of my personality. So there you go.
Again those are first steps that may seem silly to you, but to me they are almost liberating.
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