Nehemiah
Nehemiah....oh boy. This book is going to get our church in a whole lot of trouble. It's a good thing, don't get me wrong pastor man, but do you realize what you're doing? You're encouraging us to dream and pray and seek God regarding the plans He has for our futures. God is giving me a vision and I know I'm not the only one. My fellow Revolutionaries, do you realize what could happen to Tuscon if we all pursue those things that God has put in our hearts to do? Tucson will be turned upside down and inside out! Boy oh boy oh boy....this could be big. Can we hold to it? Can we persevere? Can we stand the storm that comes when we decide to follow Jesus? I can't wait to find out.
What The Heck Is Going On Here?!
What the heck is going on here?! Something is going on inside of my heart, my mind and scarier still...the depths of who I am. I've been a Christian my whole life and I have never felt a passion stirring in me for those who don't know Jesus. I can't stop talking about Him. I can't stop thinking about Him. If I didn't know better I would say I'm a new believer. But I know what's really going on. I've been praying that God would change my heart and soften it for Him and His people. It's happening. How have I gone this long without feeling this passion? If I didn't feel such an undescribable joy, I would feel sad about it.
So let me caution you who have called yourself Christian now. Do not let your heart be hardened. Don't start to think the way the world thinks. God is big. God is powerful. But so much more importantly, God is loving. and the best way for us to make His name famous is to allow Him to plant that love inside of our hearts.
Our church is going through a new series. Building a City Within a City. It is a study on Nehemiah. The first one was awesome. The pastor man referenced a Saturday night where he preached to 11 of us. I remember that night. I remember asking God that night if we were in the right place. I saw how many people were there and it didn't look good. I asked God for a sign. Boy did He give me one. That pastor man walked out on to the stage and preached. He remembers sounding angry, I remember him sounding passionate. I remember being floored by the passion with which he preached...to all 11 of us. I've been asking God for the same passion. It's taken a while, but I think I see sparks of it in my heart. Are you passionate about God? And if you are not, really start asking yourself, why?
So let me caution you who have called yourself Christian now. Do not let your heart be hardened. Don't start to think the way the world thinks. God is big. God is powerful. But so much more importantly, God is loving. and the best way for us to make His name famous is to allow Him to plant that love inside of our hearts.
Our church is going through a new series. Building a City Within a City. It is a study on Nehemiah. The first one was awesome. The pastor man referenced a Saturday night where he preached to 11 of us. I remember that night. I remember asking God that night if we were in the right place. I saw how many people were there and it didn't look good. I asked God for a sign. Boy did He give me one. That pastor man walked out on to the stage and preached. He remembers sounding angry, I remember him sounding passionate. I remember being floored by the passion with which he preached...to all 11 of us. I've been asking God for the same passion. It's taken a while, but I think I see sparks of it in my heart. Are you passionate about God? And if you are not, really start asking yourself, why?
A Story Worth Telling
You know those movies where the boy meets the girl. The love stories spent recalling how they almost fell in love several times. The meet, they part, they meet they part, one loves the other, it isn't reciprocated. Until the climax of the story, they meet in some sort of crisis and realize they can't live without each other and finally fall in love and live happily ever after. You know the stories I'm talking about. That is my story with God. The only twist is, He has always loved me faithfully. He's always been with me. I have always thought, "One day, I'll write my story and the world will be changed by it." I realize how vain that is now. I have spent too much time worrying that I have stories that will never be told. I worry that God has put me on a shelf to collect dust. I am so wretched. I don't deserve to have my story told for it is not my story. I don't deserve to have my name remembered. I don't deserve to be memorialized. I am a sinful woman. I have evil and selfishness in my heart. Any good that comes from my life has come at the hand of God. You, O GOD, have been the glory of my story. No one should want to remember me, nor should I want to be remembered. I have failed you over and over again. If any story is to be told about my life it should be the story of how I failed God over and over again and how He continued to bless my life. I didn't deserve it, nor did I earn it. I earned punishment, and consequence. God has given me favor. My story is no different from yours. The details may change, but God has been pursuing you just as He has pursued me. He loves you faithfully and completely, as He loves me. No. My story is no different. My good days, if I lined them all up together, would compose a paragraph, maybe. Nothing about me will change the world. I'm broken, I'm horribly imperfect, and I'm mean-spirited. My story will not make you want to follow God. God, now He's a different story. He's someone worth talking about. Did you know that He loved humanity so much that He took on human form so He could walk among us? Did you know that even though we were terribly mean to Him during His time on earth, He still loved us? Did you know He allowed Himself to be beaten and laughed at, by US, just so the price for our stupidity would be paid? Did you know that He willingly went to the cross? I would have used my power as God to put an end to the pain. I would have killed everyone who was hurting me. I would have sent us all to hell and started over and I would have felt completely justified. My bad choices, my mistakes, they all are my own doing. I chose those things. God chose to love me even though I did those things and still doing those things. No, my story isn't worth telling, unless I tell you that God is responsible for any good thing in my life. The husband I have, God gave him to me. The family I am a part of, God gave that family to me. The children I have, God gave them to me. The love that has filled my life, God is responsible for that. The peace that lives with me, it is the peace God gives. Every good and perfect thing comes from God. Do you have that? You should. God wants to give it to you. So what I know now is that, my story isn't worth telling, but if you ask me, I will tell you about the God that loves you so much and wants to come into your story and fill it with all of the love He has for you. That story would never end.
Goodbye 2009
December 31st is usually a day I take to look over the past year. What have I done with my life? How have I spent my time? Have I made God's name famous with my life?
As I look back over the year, the one event that changed my life was the news of a carcinogenic polyp. It had no physical impact on my life, but the spiritual and emotional impact lasted all year. Cancer. It took me a while to grasp the impact of it. At first I was angry, and then I was terrified. I could die someday. We found it quite by accident, but God is so sovereign, there are no accidents with Him. My immediate thoughts went to "What if we had not found that? I would have died and left my family here without me." My next thought was, "Have I been diligent to teach my children?" The answer was no. That was in January. The remainder of the year I spent on my face! "I have been a poor steward of the life God has given me. Help us to prepare their hearts for You." I believe God is answering my prayer. We've got a long way to go, but I am learning to savor each moment with my children. The moments of their childhood are fleeting. I want to be a good steward with these precious little lives, no matter how much they frustrate me.
In two years, I'll have to go again and allow the doctors to search for new carcinogenic polyps. I cannot control what they will find, believe me I've done my research. There is nothing I can do to control what grows and develops, but God can. I want to say at that point, that I have been a good and faithful, but not perfect, steward of my life, regardless of what they find or don't find.
So, 2009 has been a year of deaths for me. Death to the ideas I once held, death to the things I though were so important, death to the worry over trivial matters, death to my flesh, death to my flesh again, and death to my flesh some more. It has been a good year and I am so glad that I survived, no I take that back. I am so glad that God has been free to grow me and develop me despite the struggles. I look forward to 2010. I do not know what it holds. I only know God will have His way and I cannot wait to see what that looks like.
As I look back over the year, the one event that changed my life was the news of a carcinogenic polyp. It had no physical impact on my life, but the spiritual and emotional impact lasted all year. Cancer. It took me a while to grasp the impact of it. At first I was angry, and then I was terrified. I could die someday. We found it quite by accident, but God is so sovereign, there are no accidents with Him. My immediate thoughts went to "What if we had not found that? I would have died and left my family here without me." My next thought was, "Have I been diligent to teach my children?" The answer was no. That was in January. The remainder of the year I spent on my face! "I have been a poor steward of the life God has given me. Help us to prepare their hearts for You." I believe God is answering my prayer. We've got a long way to go, but I am learning to savor each moment with my children. The moments of their childhood are fleeting. I want to be a good steward with these precious little lives, no matter how much they frustrate me.
In two years, I'll have to go again and allow the doctors to search for new carcinogenic polyps. I cannot control what they will find, believe me I've done my research. There is nothing I can do to control what grows and develops, but God can. I want to say at that point, that I have been a good and faithful, but not perfect, steward of my life, regardless of what they find or don't find.
So, 2009 has been a year of deaths for me. Death to the ideas I once held, death to the things I though were so important, death to the worry over trivial matters, death to my flesh, death to my flesh again, and death to my flesh some more. It has been a good year and I am so glad that I survived, no I take that back. I am so glad that God has been free to grow me and develop me despite the struggles. I look forward to 2010. I do not know what it holds. I only know God will have His way and I cannot wait to see what that looks like.
What Am I Doing and Why?
As I have kept this blog I have come to a point where I wonder....what's the point? Why do I keep this blog? If I stop to think about it, it is quite arrogant of me to think that the world wants to hear the ponderings of a homemaker from the tumbleweeds. What do I have to say that is so different from anyone else in the world? Don't get me wrong, I'm not looking for pats on the backs or encouragements, I'm seriously asking the question of myself.
I began this blog in an attempt to reconnect with some lost part of myself, a part that was vital to the quality of my life. That was two years ago. What I have learned is that I am wild. I am rambunctious. I am sensitive. I don't much like that discovery, but I am a girl and I am sensitive. I am passionate about my family. It explains why I take my job with them so seriously. It is something I feel passionately about and will stop trying to feel otherwise. I do like order when the time calls for it, but otherwise I love the chaos of life. It often stresses me out, but I am learning to savor it and almost enjoy it. My job at this time is to raise my children. My job until I die is to love, serve, and respect my husband. My job to come is beginning to become clear, but it does frighten me at times. However, I'm not completely clear, so I'l keep this one under my hat. But the most important discovery is that I love Jesus and He loves me so completely. It is a love I do not understand or even wish to explain. It is a love I choose to accept and embrace.
So one goal of my blog is being met. It will be a lifelong process I'm sure. Now to figure out what to do next.
I began this blog in an attempt to reconnect with some lost part of myself, a part that was vital to the quality of my life. That was two years ago. What I have learned is that I am wild. I am rambunctious. I am sensitive. I don't much like that discovery, but I am a girl and I am sensitive. I am passionate about my family. It explains why I take my job with them so seriously. It is something I feel passionately about and will stop trying to feel otherwise. I do like order when the time calls for it, but otherwise I love the chaos of life. It often stresses me out, but I am learning to savor it and almost enjoy it. My job at this time is to raise my children. My job until I die is to love, serve, and respect my husband. My job to come is beginning to become clear, but it does frighten me at times. However, I'm not completely clear, so I'l keep this one under my hat. But the most important discovery is that I love Jesus and He loves me so completely. It is a love I do not understand or even wish to explain. It is a love I choose to accept and embrace.
So one goal of my blog is being met. It will be a lifelong process I'm sure. Now to figure out what to do next.
Men and Women
I got the opportunity to revisit my past yesterday. I believe it's good to do this once in a while to grab a sense of how much growth has occurred. The portion I visited had to do with my view of men and women and their relation to each other. I was amazed to find that my ideas on this topic have changed almost completely since the days of my teen-hood.
I watched many versions of relationships and decided early on that I would never depend on a man. I would never allow a man to be EVERYTHING to me. I would marry a man, I would love a man, I would allow a man to be the father of my children, but I would remain in control. I realize now that this was my response to being hurt by men over and over again. I did not realize that at the time. I spent the first several years of my marriage trying to maintain control. It was quite comical as I look back on it now. If you know my husband you know that he is a happy go lucky kind of guy, but he is strong. He'll allow me my illusion of control. He'll allow me to think I've got everything organized, but we both know, it's a joint effort. We need each other and it's a beautiful thing. Once we got past my need for control and his need to be invincible we have found we make a pretty good team.
I read in Genesis 2 today about the creation of man and woman and realized, this is the way God set it up. We compliment each other. We challenge each other. We encourage each other to grow. We hold each other accountable when we don't. Why do we fight it so fiercely? Why do we fight to be independent of each other? It's no wonder we have such a lack of strong men willing to do the job of husbanding and fathering. We've spend the past few decades telling them we don't need them. We women have convinced men and ourselves that we can do anything they can do better. Why would we need them? No wonder they have checked out. I agree...we may be able to do some things better, but why would be want to use that knowledge to push them out of the picture? Why wouldn't we want to use our knowledge to help them to become the best men they can be? We all benefit from their strength. We all benefit from their presence. We all benefit from their contributions to society. These are just questions I have running around in my mind today as I remember how fiercely I fought to do my husbands job. I find such peace and contentment in using my gifts to help him become the man God has called him to be. I find such joy and pride as I watch him take his place in society as a strong man of God. I enjoy such relief as I watch him father our children and know, they will have an opportunity I never had. He pursuing his role as a man and I am pursuing my role as a woman. It's better than the control I thought I had...so much better.
I watched many versions of relationships and decided early on that I would never depend on a man. I would never allow a man to be EVERYTHING to me. I would marry a man, I would love a man, I would allow a man to be the father of my children, but I would remain in control. I realize now that this was my response to being hurt by men over and over again. I did not realize that at the time. I spent the first several years of my marriage trying to maintain control. It was quite comical as I look back on it now. If you know my husband you know that he is a happy go lucky kind of guy, but he is strong. He'll allow me my illusion of control. He'll allow me to think I've got everything organized, but we both know, it's a joint effort. We need each other and it's a beautiful thing. Once we got past my need for control and his need to be invincible we have found we make a pretty good team.
I read in Genesis 2 today about the creation of man and woman and realized, this is the way God set it up. We compliment each other. We challenge each other. We encourage each other to grow. We hold each other accountable when we don't. Why do we fight it so fiercely? Why do we fight to be independent of each other? It's no wonder we have such a lack of strong men willing to do the job of husbanding and fathering. We've spend the past few decades telling them we don't need them. We women have convinced men and ourselves that we can do anything they can do better. Why would we need them? No wonder they have checked out. I agree...we may be able to do some things better, but why would be want to use that knowledge to push them out of the picture? Why wouldn't we want to use our knowledge to help them to become the best men they can be? We all benefit from their strength. We all benefit from their presence. We all benefit from their contributions to society. These are just questions I have running around in my mind today as I remember how fiercely I fought to do my husbands job. I find such peace and contentment in using my gifts to help him become the man God has called him to be. I find such joy and pride as I watch him take his place in society as a strong man of God. I enjoy such relief as I watch him father our children and know, they will have an opportunity I never had. He pursuing his role as a man and I am pursuing my role as a woman. It's better than the control I thought I had...so much better.
Moving The Human Mountain
Webster's first two definitions of faith are:
1. confidence or trust in a person or thing: faith in another's ability.
2. belief that is not based on proof
Faith has been the common thread of my life. Everything I hear and read has some connection to faith. My adult life seems to be much like that of all adults; full of life's complications, frustrations, and disappointments. Because I was raised in a family of faith, there came a time when I wanted to know personally what this faith meant for me. It sent me on a journey of questions and investigations that led to an idea I hold personally. I knew what others told me their faith was and foolishly, I tried to imitate their description of faith. Faith cannot be imitated. Faith is as personal and unique as a preference of coffee, in my estimation. Everyone likes a Starbucks beverage, and if you don't then there is just something wrong with you. But all kidding aside. Everyone likes coffee in some way shape or form. It might be the Mocha Latte, the Double Shot Espresso, or the Caramel Mocha Frappaccino Light with no whipped cream. It could even be that the only coffee you take is in icecream. It is the same with faith. I cannot expect my husband to demonstrate his faith the same way I do. I am a woman. I cry when I feel God move, I sing when God touches my heart. My husband's responses to God in his life are very different. So investigating your faith can be a good thing.
So, here's what I came up with. Belief must come before faith and faith cannot come without belief. I know, hang with me. I must believe in God to have faith. I must believe He is who He says He is. I must believe what He says about me and what He promises me. My faith is the evidence of that belief. My faith is the proof of what my belief is. The integrity of my belief will be shown in my faith. Faith should be active and in alignment with what I believe. If I believe God loves me, I will behave as though He does. If I believe God wants to bless me to be a blessing, I should start being a blessing. I do not wait for Him to bless me because I already know He will. I act on my belief even without the proof. It is behaving based on what I believe, not believing to change my behavior. You can believe, but if you are refusing to act based on those beliefs, do you really believe? It is in our nature to get lazy and expect God to move on our behalf while we stand idly by and wait for something to happen. It is in our nature to ask God to prove His existence by acting on our behalf. We ask Him to prove His greatness by moving a giant mountain. The reality is this: the mountain He wishes to move is my heart. The greater power is the one that ejects me from my comfort zone and prods me to move AND to do it with my permission. The greater miracle is the one that occurs when a hard stubborn heart allows itself to be softened and tenderized to God. Now, THAT mountain, is often much more difficult to move.
Ultimately, I made a choice. There was no proof. I made a choice. And my prayer is this; Everything that has followed that choice is evidence of my faith.
1. confidence or trust in a person or thing: faith in another's ability.
2. belief that is not based on proof
Faith has been the common thread of my life. Everything I hear and read has some connection to faith. My adult life seems to be much like that of all adults; full of life's complications, frustrations, and disappointments. Because I was raised in a family of faith, there came a time when I wanted to know personally what this faith meant for me. It sent me on a journey of questions and investigations that led to an idea I hold personally. I knew what others told me their faith was and foolishly, I tried to imitate their description of faith. Faith cannot be imitated. Faith is as personal and unique as a preference of coffee, in my estimation. Everyone likes a Starbucks beverage, and if you don't then there is just something wrong with you. But all kidding aside. Everyone likes coffee in some way shape or form. It might be the Mocha Latte, the Double Shot Espresso, or the Caramel Mocha Frappaccino Light with no whipped cream. It could even be that the only coffee you take is in icecream. It is the same with faith. I cannot expect my husband to demonstrate his faith the same way I do. I am a woman. I cry when I feel God move, I sing when God touches my heart. My husband's responses to God in his life are very different. So investigating your faith can be a good thing.
So, here's what I came up with. Belief must come before faith and faith cannot come without belief. I know, hang with me. I must believe in God to have faith. I must believe He is who He says He is. I must believe what He says about me and what He promises me. My faith is the evidence of that belief. My faith is the proof of what my belief is. The integrity of my belief will be shown in my faith. Faith should be active and in alignment with what I believe. If I believe God loves me, I will behave as though He does. If I believe God wants to bless me to be a blessing, I should start being a blessing. I do not wait for Him to bless me because I already know He will. I act on my belief even without the proof. It is behaving based on what I believe, not believing to change my behavior. You can believe, but if you are refusing to act based on those beliefs, do you really believe? It is in our nature to get lazy and expect God to move on our behalf while we stand idly by and wait for something to happen. It is in our nature to ask God to prove His existence by acting on our behalf. We ask Him to prove His greatness by moving a giant mountain. The reality is this: the mountain He wishes to move is my heart. The greater power is the one that ejects me from my comfort zone and prods me to move AND to do it with my permission. The greater miracle is the one that occurs when a hard stubborn heart allows itself to be softened and tenderized to God. Now, THAT mountain, is often much more difficult to move.
Ultimately, I made a choice. There was no proof. I made a choice. And my prayer is this; Everything that has followed that choice is evidence of my faith.
Hebrews 11:1 Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.
August 16, 1998
I love reading my bible and finding scriptures with dates next to them. I found the date 8-16-98 marked next to Amos 9:11-14.
In that day I will restore the fallen house of David.
I will repair it's damaged walls.
From the ruins I will rebuild it and restore it's former glory.
And Israel will possess what is left of Edom and all the nations I have called to be mine
The Lord has spoken, and he will do these things.
“The time will come,” says the Lord, “when the grain and grapes will grow faster than they can be harvested. Then the terraced vineyards on the hills of Israel will drip with sweet wine!
I will bring my exiled people of Israel back from distant lands, and they will rebuild their ruined cities and live in them again. They will plant vineyards and gardens; they will eat their crops and drink their wine.
In that day I will restore the fallen house of David.
I will repair it's damaged walls.
From the ruins I will rebuild it and restore it's former glory.
And Israel will possess what is left of Edom and all the nations I have called to be mine
The Lord has spoken, and he will do these things.
“The time will come,” says the Lord, “when the grain and grapes will grow faster than they can be harvested. Then the terraced vineyards on the hills of Israel will drip with sweet wine!
I will bring my exiled people of Israel back from distant lands, and they will rebuild their ruined cities and live in them again. They will plant vineyards and gardens; they will eat their crops and drink their wine.
As I read through this verse I tried to remember what was going on in August 1998 that made this verse so important that I would want to remember it. Then it hit me. It was a painful time in my life. We had just experienced a miscarriage and I was devastated. I had been operating under the belief that if I followed God's rules, I would not experience loss and pain. And if I did experience loss and pain, it was a direct result of my sin. You can imagine how the loss of this child would cause me to question what I believed. What sin had I partaken in that warranted the loss of my unborn child? What had I done to deserve the death of my child? Surely my sin wasn't that great! It wasn't the child alone I grieved, it was the hopes, dreams, and aspirations that were assigned the child. I had suffered events in my youth that made me question my ability to have children. I had sighed with relief when I learned of my pregnancy.
"God has been faithful! I will get to bear children. I will get to fulfill my hopes of being a mother." SLAM! The miscarriage had shut that door. Maybe I wouldn't get to carry children. It wasn't fair. I was to suffer for the sins of others. IT WAS NOT FAIR. God seemed cold and far. He seemed uncaring and cruel. I wanted to turn my back on Him and I did for a short time. I thumbed my nose at Him and let Him know I could handle my life without Him. I have never been so alone or so afraid in all of my life. And then, I heard the story of Isaac and Abraham. I had heard it before but this time it was different. I commiserated with Abraham as he took his hopes and dreams, his promises of a future....Isaac...and laid them on an altar. He loved God more than what he had been promised. He was being asked to trust God even though it didn't make sense. I don't know why I read Amos that day. But I did. The promise God gave to Israel struck a chord with me. I felt as if I had been pillaged of everything that was pure and good. I felt desolated and ravaged. All that I had dreamed of and hoped for had been taken. But I also knew that God was my life. I needed Him more than I needed to be a mother. I laid my dreams of motherhood and bearing children at the altar and held Amos 9 as my receipt. I would trust God, but I would hold Him to His promise of restoring what had been taken. I felt a peace that day that I had never known. I chose to believe that no matter what my future held, I would serve God. He was life and without Him I had no purpose. If I was to live life without children, then there must be another purpose for my life. I found out within that week that I was carrying my first child, Isaac D'Artagnan.
Not all stories turn out the way we want them to. God doesn't always come through for us the way we want Him to. The pastor man is always saying that I agree with him. He didn't come through for John the Baptist and save his life. He didn't come through for me and save my child. But I have learned to trust that He's got a purpose for it all.
It is amazing to me to see how His promise is being fulfilled. I can see how God has repaired the holes of my life. I can see how God has been restoring and rebuilding my life. He has given me courage when I had none. He has given me joy, when I had lost all hope. He has given me love, when I had shut my heart to all love. He has been so good to me. He has been so faithful. His love for me has never once been too little or not enough. Even when I thought He was so far away, He was there.
"God has been faithful! I will get to bear children. I will get to fulfill my hopes of being a mother." SLAM! The miscarriage had shut that door. Maybe I wouldn't get to carry children. It wasn't fair. I was to suffer for the sins of others. IT WAS NOT FAIR. God seemed cold and far. He seemed uncaring and cruel. I wanted to turn my back on Him and I did for a short time. I thumbed my nose at Him and let Him know I could handle my life without Him. I have never been so alone or so afraid in all of my life. And then, I heard the story of Isaac and Abraham. I had heard it before but this time it was different. I commiserated with Abraham as he took his hopes and dreams, his promises of a future....Isaac...and laid them on an altar. He loved God more than what he had been promised. He was being asked to trust God even though it didn't make sense. I don't know why I read Amos that day. But I did. The promise God gave to Israel struck a chord with me. I felt as if I had been pillaged of everything that was pure and good. I felt desolated and ravaged. All that I had dreamed of and hoped for had been taken. But I also knew that God was my life. I needed Him more than I needed to be a mother. I laid my dreams of motherhood and bearing children at the altar and held Amos 9 as my receipt. I would trust God, but I would hold Him to His promise of restoring what had been taken. I felt a peace that day that I had never known. I chose to believe that no matter what my future held, I would serve God. He was life and without Him I had no purpose. If I was to live life without children, then there must be another purpose for my life. I found out within that week that I was carrying my first child, Isaac D'Artagnan.
Not all stories turn out the way we want them to. God doesn't always come through for us the way we want Him to. The pastor man is always saying that I agree with him. He didn't come through for John the Baptist and save his life. He didn't come through for me and save my child. But I have learned to trust that He's got a purpose for it all.
It is amazing to me to see how His promise is being fulfilled. I can see how God has repaired the holes of my life. I can see how God has been restoring and rebuilding my life. He has given me courage when I had none. He has given me joy, when I had lost all hope. He has given me love, when I had shut my heart to all love. He has been so good to me. He has been so faithful. His love for me has never once been too little or not enough. Even when I thought He was so far away, He was there.
Confidence Builders and Guilt Busters
This week I've put my actions behind my words. I heard a quote at the beginning of the week and decided to put it into action. Angie paraphrase "The best way to develop confidence in kids is to allow them to struggle through a difficult task until they succeed." It was one of those quotes that I heard and thought "That is so true and so many parents don't do it." It was at this moment that a little voice inside challenged me..."Neither do you." OUCH! Everything in me fought against this. Yes I do. I do allow my children to struggle through difficult tasks. But then I got to thinking...then why do they lack confidence? I allow them to struggle with it, but I don't allow them to struggle until they succeed. So I've been challenging the kids to different things and staying out of the way so they can succeed. They have done well. I've noticed a little bit of confidence beginning to emerge and it's really cool to watch happen. However, the proof was in the happenings of last night. Each child had a task they DID NOT want to complete. The children have studied me and know the fastest way to get out of the work they are supposed to do. How do I know, their tactics were precise and effective last night and I nearly gave in.
Elisa continued to stall and allow herself to be distracted from her task. She came out of the office every 5 minutes to pet the dog, ask what was going on, even the shameless tactic of "Mommy, I love you, I just need a hug cause this is so hard." She's good. Everything in me wanted to jump in and help her focus. Thank God my husband was there, because I kept myself in check knowing he would hold me accountable to what I had been purposing to do. Isaac's approach is different. He plays on my emotions and my sympathies for his feelings. He whines, complains, he may even start to cry, and then finally diverts attention from the task at hand with jokes or physical humor. Everything in me wanted to tell him to quit and just go to bed. But again, my husband was working with him, and I knew he would hold me accountable to what I had been purposing to do. So, I distracted myself with Facebook comments and Sudoko puzzles. I kept silent and did nothing. They each succeeded at their tasks and both walked away from their tasks feeling a little taller. It was so amazing to watch them in the giddiness of their success. It did bring a tear to my eye.
I learned something about myself last night, though. I'm not trying to make their lives easier, I'm trying to make my life easier. I do not like to hear the whining, complaining, and crying they do. It makes me feel like a bad parent. I begin to hear lies of "What a mean parent you are. Why don't you just help them, you know they can't do it alone. They are going to grow up hating you and write books about you. They'll end up on Oprah's couch talking about what a heartless mother you were. Yup...You suck as a mother." I know they are lies right now, but in the heat of the moment I am almost paralyzed by them. I am just so thankful that God gave me the strength last night to allow them the opportunity to develop confidence and that he helped me to bust the guilt that I was trying to embrace. Good lessons, hard lessons, but good nonetheless.
Elisa continued to stall and allow herself to be distracted from her task. She came out of the office every 5 minutes to pet the dog, ask what was going on, even the shameless tactic of "Mommy, I love you, I just need a hug cause this is so hard." She's good. Everything in me wanted to jump in and help her focus. Thank God my husband was there, because I kept myself in check knowing he would hold me accountable to what I had been purposing to do. Isaac's approach is different. He plays on my emotions and my sympathies for his feelings. He whines, complains, he may even start to cry, and then finally diverts attention from the task at hand with jokes or physical humor. Everything in me wanted to tell him to quit and just go to bed. But again, my husband was working with him, and I knew he would hold me accountable to what I had been purposing to do. So, I distracted myself with Facebook comments and Sudoko puzzles. I kept silent and did nothing. They each succeeded at their tasks and both walked away from their tasks feeling a little taller. It was so amazing to watch them in the giddiness of their success. It did bring a tear to my eye.
I learned something about myself last night, though. I'm not trying to make their lives easier, I'm trying to make my life easier. I do not like to hear the whining, complaining, and crying they do. It makes me feel like a bad parent. I begin to hear lies of "What a mean parent you are. Why don't you just help them, you know they can't do it alone. They are going to grow up hating you and write books about you. They'll end up on Oprah's couch talking about what a heartless mother you were. Yup...You suck as a mother." I know they are lies right now, but in the heat of the moment I am almost paralyzed by them. I am just so thankful that God gave me the strength last night to allow them the opportunity to develop confidence and that he helped me to bust the guilt that I was trying to embrace. Good lessons, hard lessons, but good nonetheless.
Struggles Provide Confidence Growing Opportunities
I remember the day John & I brought each of the children home from the hospital/birth center. Different thoughts and emotions were present with each child. With Isaac, joy, fear, worry, doubt, confusion, and relief that he was finally home, as he was born sick and didn't come home until nearly a month after delivery. With Elisa, I felt excited, nervous, at peace, scared, and impatient to get on to the business of parenting. Each of these experiences fostered responses in me, responses that have molded my parenting technique. One response has gotten me into a bit of trouble. "I will make life easier for my children." WHAT!? I think the pain of life ,often, is so much to bear that we wish it away. We forget how we have grown, matured, been imaginative, loved, learned, and found treasures of friendship and strength that one cannot gain without pain. I've cheated my children out of that experience. I've asked my husband to do the same. He, of course, usually ignores my request, thank God. I heard someone say yesterday that the way you grow confidence in your kids is to allow them to struggle with the things of their life until they succeed at them. So, I put the idea to the test yesterday. I allowed each of my children to do a difficult task. I allowed them to struggle with it until they succeeded. It was difficult for ME! I wanted to move them aside and take over. I wanted to ease the frustration they were experiencing. BUT the thing I found was most prevalent, I wanted to END THE WHINING! Whoa! Maybe my desire to make life easier comes from the desire to make my life easier? I didn't like that realization. They finally succeeded and guess what, they did feel confident. I've known that pain and difficult situations in my life provide an opportunity to grow, I now need to transfer that train of thought over to my parenting.
Day 15 of The 30 Day Sex Challenge
The 30 Day Challenge...WOW! My heart is so full. I'm not sure how to start this particular post. I've got so much in my heart to share and don't want to overwhelm anyone with it. But I'll just take one thought at a time and see what happens.
So this Saturday the pastor man and his beautiful (both internally & externally) wife covered the topic of sex. I know, in church? They covered this tricky topic and did a good job. It was a bit awkward at times, but it went well. I think the church stays too silent on the topic of sex and what God desires of married couples and FOR married couples. He created sex to be a connection of two hearts and souls and often our society uses it as nothing more than a handshake. How sad is that? But that isn't what I wanted to focus on. However, here is a link to the message if you want to check it out. Be prepared, it's not what you're normally going to hear. Check it out, it's a good series.
The idea of the 30 Day Sex Challenge was a little daunting for me. I love the physical relationship with my husband, but I knew that God was going to do something in my heart and mind during this season. I wasn't sure I wanted to allow Him to do that work. I've avoided it for nearly two decades. I wasn't quite sure what I was avoiding, but I knew I did not want to look at it. I was, terrified of what we would find there. As we move into day 15 of the challenge, I'm glad I have opened my heart to it. I have found ugliness; self hatred, fear, and confusion. But what I have also found truth and in that truth I have found FREEDOM! My heart, during this series, has been for those who have been wounded by the enemy's version of sex. The abuse, the pain, the selfishness, and ultimately the devastation that happens when the enemy takes what God created and twists it for his own purposes. I am a survivor, no a warrior and victor of this version of sex. The details are unimportant to me now, but what is important is that God is continually healing my heart and mind from the bondage's that once kept me hostage. Why am I bringing it up, because I realize there are many who have been wounded deeply in the same way. Many of you find it difficult to enjoy the relationship God has given you in marriage. Many of you find it hard to open your heart to God and to your spouse. Many of you live with the fear that often accompanies these chains. I know I can't change it for you, but I do know someone who can. Even now as I continue with these words, I ask myself, "What do you think you can do about it? This is a blog. What difference will it make?" Maybe none, but maybe, just maybe it will help you. Maybe you will read these words and maybe you know the desire to be free from the pain of it all. Jesus! Maybe you're tired of reliving the memories. Jesus! Maybe you just want it all to finally be over, the pain, the hurt, the mistrust, the anger. Jesus! Jesus, my friend, will answer. He'll be there. I wish I could do more, but maybe this is all I am supposed to do for now. I pray for you and know that God is so powerful and able to do great things in your life. I know He's done great things in mine.
So this Saturday the pastor man and his beautiful (both internally & externally) wife covered the topic of sex. I know, in church? They covered this tricky topic and did a good job. It was a bit awkward at times, but it went well. I think the church stays too silent on the topic of sex and what God desires of married couples and FOR married couples. He created sex to be a connection of two hearts and souls and often our society uses it as nothing more than a handshake. How sad is that? But that isn't what I wanted to focus on. However, here is a link to the message if you want to check it out. Be prepared, it's not what you're normally going to hear. Check it out, it's a good series.
The idea of the 30 Day Sex Challenge was a little daunting for me. I love the physical relationship with my husband, but I knew that God was going to do something in my heart and mind during this season. I wasn't sure I wanted to allow Him to do that work. I've avoided it for nearly two decades. I wasn't quite sure what I was avoiding, but I knew I did not want to look at it. I was, terrified of what we would find there. As we move into day 15 of the challenge, I'm glad I have opened my heart to it. I have found ugliness; self hatred, fear, and confusion. But what I have also found truth and in that truth I have found FREEDOM! My heart, during this series, has been for those who have been wounded by the enemy's version of sex. The abuse, the pain, the selfishness, and ultimately the devastation that happens when the enemy takes what God created and twists it for his own purposes. I am a survivor, no a warrior and victor of this version of sex. The details are unimportant to me now, but what is important is that God is continually healing my heart and mind from the bondage's that once kept me hostage. Why am I bringing it up, because I realize there are many who have been wounded deeply in the same way. Many of you find it difficult to enjoy the relationship God has given you in marriage. Many of you find it hard to open your heart to God and to your spouse. Many of you live with the fear that often accompanies these chains. I know I can't change it for you, but I do know someone who can. Even now as I continue with these words, I ask myself, "What do you think you can do about it? This is a blog. What difference will it make?" Maybe none, but maybe, just maybe it will help you. Maybe you will read these words and maybe you know the desire to be free from the pain of it all. Jesus! Maybe you're tired of reliving the memories. Jesus! Maybe you just want it all to finally be over, the pain, the hurt, the mistrust, the anger. Jesus! Jesus, my friend, will answer. He'll be there. I wish I could do more, but maybe this is all I am supposed to do for now. I pray for you and know that God is so powerful and able to do great things in your life. I know He's done great things in mine.
The Winner in My Reality
What do you do when you start to get bogged down with your reality? Okay maybe that doesn't make sense...let's try it this way.
You're having a great day. It's nice and cool. The wind on your face has hints of winter in it. The smell of cooler weather teases. Summer is almost gone. You can feel it. You feel re-energized. This has been a good day. Then REALITY hits you. Maybe it's an illness, maybe it's a difficult relationship, maybe it's a situation you have been ignoring, no matter what it is...it hits you and steals the joy you felt just seconds ago. You begin to think about the reality of your life and begin to feel weighted down with it. It almost seems unbearable. It's suffocating the joy from your life. What do you do in that moment? Do you have a plan?
As you may have guessed it's been a rough morning, but I'm getting through it and winning the battle. I have made a plan and have a strategy to get through these mornings. I still struggle sometimes, who doesn't? But I remember the days when I lost more than I won and I wondered, do you have those days? Do you lose more than you win? Do you have a plan, a strategy?
I'd like to share mine with you. This morning my son had a seizure...he has epilepsy. His seizures are so infrequent that it is almost easy to forget he has it. And then mornings, like this morning happen and reality hits us. It isn't that I fear for his life, God has promised me that he will be fine. I don't know what that means and I don't know how He will keep that promise, but I know that He never fails on His promises. But I do have a sense of guilt after mornings like the one I had today. "Could I have prevented it? Could I have done something different? Should I have sent him to school afterward? Will he be emotionally scarred? Will he be okay?" I begin to forget that God has it in His control. So what do I do?
1. Remember God's promise and that He is faithful.
2. I listen to some Kirk Franklin fighting music. It changes my mindset from victim to predator. I will not be the victim of my reality, I will be the VICTOR.
3. I share my thoughts with God. Many times if I vocalize them, they don't sound so crazy anymore. OR sometimes I realize how silly my thoughts are and am able to turn them over to God.
4. I find some way to do something for someone else. This gets my focus off of myself and my reality.
5. I remember that my feelings are not reality and work very hard not to make any decisions based on my feelings. Feelings are fleeting and come and go with the wind.
I hope that helps. It's helped me. If you haven't noticed, I'm working steps 3 and 4 with this here blog.
Now, I'm ready to go and take on my day and be the winner in my reality.
GO GOD!
You're having a great day. It's nice and cool. The wind on your face has hints of winter in it. The smell of cooler weather teases. Summer is almost gone. You can feel it. You feel re-energized. This has been a good day. Then REALITY hits you. Maybe it's an illness, maybe it's a difficult relationship, maybe it's a situation you have been ignoring, no matter what it is...it hits you and steals the joy you felt just seconds ago. You begin to think about the reality of your life and begin to feel weighted down with it. It almost seems unbearable. It's suffocating the joy from your life. What do you do in that moment? Do you have a plan?
As you may have guessed it's been a rough morning, but I'm getting through it and winning the battle. I have made a plan and have a strategy to get through these mornings. I still struggle sometimes, who doesn't? But I remember the days when I lost more than I won and I wondered, do you have those days? Do you lose more than you win? Do you have a plan, a strategy?
I'd like to share mine with you. This morning my son had a seizure...he has epilepsy. His seizures are so infrequent that it is almost easy to forget he has it. And then mornings, like this morning happen and reality hits us. It isn't that I fear for his life, God has promised me that he will be fine. I don't know what that means and I don't know how He will keep that promise, but I know that He never fails on His promises. But I do have a sense of guilt after mornings like the one I had today. "Could I have prevented it? Could I have done something different? Should I have sent him to school afterward? Will he be emotionally scarred? Will he be okay?" I begin to forget that God has it in His control. So what do I do?
1. Remember God's promise and that He is faithful.
2. I listen to some Kirk Franklin fighting music. It changes my mindset from victim to predator. I will not be the victim of my reality, I will be the VICTOR.
3. I share my thoughts with God. Many times if I vocalize them, they don't sound so crazy anymore. OR sometimes I realize how silly my thoughts are and am able to turn them over to God.
4. I find some way to do something for someone else. This gets my focus off of myself and my reality.
5. I remember that my feelings are not reality and work very hard not to make any decisions based on my feelings. Feelings are fleeting and come and go with the wind.
I hope that helps. It's helped me. If you haven't noticed, I'm working steps 3 and 4 with this here blog.
Now, I'm ready to go and take on my day and be the winner in my reality.
GO GOD!
Excuse Me...A 30 Day What Challenge?
Now that the 10 +10 challenge has come to an end...we're on to another challenge. I know, another one, but I kind of like this one...okay I really like this one. The people of our church have been asked to consider a challenge...a 30 day challenge. There is one for the singles...all the single ladies, all the single ladies...okay let's focus. There is also one for the marrieds. It is a 30 day Sex Challenge. Okay, wait. Before anyone starts guffawing or chafing, hear me out. I'm married, so I will pontificate (it's my new word and I had to use it) from a married perspective. We're on day 8 and it is so much more than sex. It's intimacy on a new level, a God level. It's creating a time to be open to hearing the heart of your spouse. It is opening yourself up to understanding what God says about your marriage. It's also providing a time to be heard and understood, by the person to whom you've committed your life. John and I have always said that DEATH is the only way out of our marriage. It's a great motivator for conflict resolution, since neither one of us has been ready to die for any conflict we've ever had. However, it is my hope that I am the kind of wife that grows and learns and is a proper companion to my husband. I do not want to just bide my time in a loveless marriage where I am not understood, known, or investigated. I want to experience all that marriage has to offer, but in order to do that, I must be willing to put effort into the experience. As I said, we are only on day 8, but already God is doing some much needed healing in my heart. I look forward to where we will stand on day 30. Keep in mind, I am speaking from a woman's perspective on the matter, so if you are a guy and want a man's perspective on this challenge, talk to my husband. But ladies, don't cheat yourself out of the love of a godly man. Consider the challenge. I'm pretty sure you're husband will be open to this challenge. 30 Day Sex Challenge? I don't want to be stereotypical, but what husband is going to turn that down? I'm just saying....
Summary of the 10 +10 Challenge
The 10 + 10 challenge is over and I have to agree with my pastor, it has changed my life. It has changed my perspectives on things and that is changing my life and how I live it.
Here are just a few of the changed perspectives.
- My marriage
~ Old perspective – I'll just pray that John figures out what we're supposed to do
~ New perspective – God show us what it is you're trying to teach us.
- My parenting
~ Old perspective – I hope my kids don't embarrass me with their behavior.
~ New perspective – God help us to teach our children about Your love for them, so that they will one day embrace our faith in You as their own.
- My friendships
~ Old perspective – How come no one ever notices when I'm having a hard day. No one cares.
~ New perspective – Which one of my friends needs an example of God's love today? God, use me to remind them how much You love them.
I like the changes I am seeing in myself and the environment around me. It's amazing how internally I had begun to think and how my surroundings were suffering because I was not available to help God meet needs. I know I have a long way to go, but I'm glad I'm no longer wasting time contemplating the importance of my navel and aware of the work God has for me to do.
Apathy...My Great Sin
As I continued in Hosea I start to recognize a trend. The nation of Israel begins to indulge in foreign gods and even the priests turn to drunkenness and sexual sin. It's an "every man for himself" idea that seems to prevail among them. And all I can think is...Why do we do it? We exchange God for a buzz and, excuse my frankness, orgasm. I see it in our society all the time. I've been guilty of it myself. Right now I'm listening to Kirk Franklin, a brother who has had his struggles, but does his best to keep getting up, and it reminds me what it was to be on God's team. Those days when I believed I could take on the enemy and be victorious with my God on my side, or me on His. I took myself out of the game. I saw the need of our world and believed the lie that I couldn't make a difference. The need was too great and I was too small. I've not committed any grand sin, I tell myself, but haven't I? Isn't apathy a dangerous sin to the kingdom of Heaven? I have watched acquaintances struggle beside me and fight all sorts of battles, all the while I have felt nothing and have done nothing. Knowing that Jesus can help and change, I've remained silent. How dare I? I have watched as brothers and sisters in the faith have sustained relentless attacks on their hearts and I have remained silent. How dare I?! I'm not beating myself up, I'm calling myself out on my GRAND SIN! I want Peter 1:22 to become my lifestyle...Love each other with a warm love that comes from the heart...a heart that is hopefully being regenerated by God Himself.
So, my friends, Jesus! Jesus can change your life. Jesus can change your heart. Jesus can take your torn and broken heart and make it whole again. He's done it for me in ways that you can't even imagine. I've not shared my stories for fear, but He has changed my life in amazing ways. If you need Jesus, He's there. I'm here as well to tell you about what He's done in my life. Jesus!
And yet another poem written July 19, 2004
A growing distance grows in the quietness of our ranks
We say little of our needs and holes
We speak only of our accomplishments and failures
Our dreams of changing the world melt into dreams of survival
The gulf between you and I expands as our competition and gossip blind us
I no longer see you as an asset but as one more person I must best
As children we shared secrets and giggled about life
Now we shut each other out and withhold information in order to succeed
I stopped today and look at you and I cried
You looked so lonely and confused, maybe even a little scared
I knew those feelings myself
I wanted to reach out to you and tell you I was here
for some reason I didn't
I wanted to take your hand and tell you you weren't alone
My pride kept me silent
What has happened to us
We say nothing of dreams, hopes, or aspirations
We speak only of chores
We talk and talk and say nothing of who we are or who we hope to be
So, my friends, Jesus! Jesus can change your life. Jesus can change your heart. Jesus can take your torn and broken heart and make it whole again. He's done it for me in ways that you can't even imagine. I've not shared my stories for fear, but He has changed my life in amazing ways. If you need Jesus, He's there. I'm here as well to tell you about what He's done in my life. Jesus!
And yet another poem written July 19, 2004
A growing distance grows in the quietness of our ranks
We say little of our needs and holes
We speak only of our accomplishments and failures
Our dreams of changing the world melt into dreams of survival
The gulf between you and I expands as our competition and gossip blind us
I no longer see you as an asset but as one more person I must best
As children we shared secrets and giggled about life
Now we shut each other out and withhold information in order to succeed
I stopped today and look at you and I cried
You looked so lonely and confused, maybe even a little scared
I knew those feelings myself
I wanted to reach out to you and tell you I was here
for some reason I didn't
I wanted to take your hand and tell you you weren't alone
My pride kept me silent
What has happened to us
We say nothing of dreams, hopes, or aspirations
We speak only of chores
We talk and talk and say nothing of who we are or who we hope to be
Hosea?
I've been asking God about what I should be reading in His Word and Hosea kept repeating in my mind. I don't know if He was telling me to read the book about the prophet who was married to a prostitute, but I read it anyway just to cover my bases. I told my pastor I was going to be doing this and his repsonse was "Why Hosea?" I didn't know why then, but I do know why now.
As I said, Hosea is the book written by a prophet who married a prostitute. It creates a unique image of Israel's relationship with God at the time, but I also think it creates a great picture of any Christian's relationship with God, at least for me this is true.
How often do I allow something else to play the role of redeemer in my life. One definition of redeem is to convert into something of value. I have been guilty of allowing things in my life to give me value. I know I have played the part of a harlot in my relationship with God. I know I've allowed earthly things to sustain me when I should have been turning to God for sustenance. I've explained it away. I've made excuses, but the fact remains...IT IS SIN and I AM GUILTY OF IT. It's not important why I do it, although I'm sure it would make good conversation, but what is important is what steps I now take to make this right. And then it all makes sense. I cannot make it right. There is nothing I can do to make it right. There is only one person, one thing that can make it right. Jesus and His blood can make it right. Nothing in me can fix this. I'm continuing this conversation with my Redeemer, but my initial response is the poem below.
As I said, Hosea is the book written by a prophet who married a prostitute. It creates a unique image of Israel's relationship with God at the time, but I also think it creates a great picture of any Christian's relationship with God, at least for me this is true.
How often do I allow something else to play the role of redeemer in my life. One definition of redeem is to convert into something of value. I have been guilty of allowing things in my life to give me value. I know I have played the part of a harlot in my relationship with God. I know I've allowed earthly things to sustain me when I should have been turning to God for sustenance. I've explained it away. I've made excuses, but the fact remains...IT IS SIN and I AM GUILTY OF IT. It's not important why I do it, although I'm sure it would make good conversation, but what is important is what steps I now take to make this right. And then it all makes sense. I cannot make it right. There is nothing I can do to make it right. There is only one person, one thing that can make it right. Jesus and His blood can make it right. Nothing in me can fix this. I'm continuing this conversation with my Redeemer, but my initial response is the poem below.
I Hear You're In the Business
I approach a Holy God so aware of who I am
I know I don't deserve what You will freely give
But I hear You're in the business
Of making old hearts new
And the one I have here
Could use some help from You
I've cheated and I've lied and I've stolen and I've deceived
There is nothing I have done of which I'm proud
But I hear You're in the business
Of making old hearts new
And the prideful heart I have here
Could use some help from You
I know I'll fail You again I won't want to but I will
I will fall and fall, but if you help I'll keep getting up
Because I hear You're in the business
Of making old hearts new
And my broken heart here
Will take the help from You
Jesus take this old broken heart and please make it new
I approach a Holy God so aware of who I am
I know I don't deserve what You will freely give
But I hear You're in the business
Of making old hearts new
And the one I have here
Could use some help from You
I've cheated and I've lied and I've stolen and I've deceived
There is nothing I have done of which I'm proud
But I hear You're in the business
Of making old hearts new
And the prideful heart I have here
Could use some help from You
I know I'll fail You again I won't want to but I will
I will fall and fall, but if you help I'll keep getting up
Because I hear You're in the business
Of making old hearts new
And my broken heart here
Will take the help from You
Jesus take this old broken heart and please make it new
The god of satellite is still dead
It's been 10 days....count 'em 10 days without satellite TV. I have to admit, I was doing okay until day 8 and then, I lost it. I am ashamed to admit it, but I did lose it. I'm amazed how much I depend on TV to help me relax and zone when I'm stressed. Friday I was particularly stressed and all I wanted to do was sit down with the remote control and channel surf. I realize we have plenty of good movies and I enjoy them all, but there are particular shows I enjoyed such as Snapped, Little House on the Prairie, New Detectives, not to mention Psych, Monk, and House. I stood in the middle of my living room and proclaimed in frustration "All I wanna do is watch TV and I'm so mad that I can't and THAT makes me so ashamed of myself! I'm such a baby!" I laugh now, but I was completely serious at the time.
Today, I finished two sets of curtains that I've had been procrastinating on for WAY TOO LONG. I've cleaned out things in my house that I've neglected for months. I've started being more diligent about my promise to learn to read music. I'm doing alot I've been putting off. Isn't it funny, how you learn to adapt when the need arises.
I think it's sad that my biggest accomplishment today, in my mind, was that I didn't complain about the lack of satellite. I didn't miss it, I didn't feel sad about it, I actually didn't even feel the urge to watch. Yeah, I'm pathetic. But at least I've gone through the first step. I was a TV junkie.
SIDEBAR: The kids have had less trouble with our current situation than their dear old mom. What's that all about?
Today, I finished two sets of curtains that I've had been procrastinating on for WAY TOO LONG. I've cleaned out things in my house that I've neglected for months. I've started being more diligent about my promise to learn to read music. I'm doing alot I've been putting off. Isn't it funny, how you learn to adapt when the need arises.
I think it's sad that my biggest accomplishment today, in my mind, was that I didn't complain about the lack of satellite. I didn't miss it, I didn't feel sad about it, I actually didn't even feel the urge to watch. Yeah, I'm pathetic. But at least I've gone through the first step. I was a TV junkie.
SIDEBAR: The kids have had less trouble with our current situation than their dear old mom. What's that all about?
In The Presence Of A Holy God
Sinful, filthy, ruined
Destroyed beyond repair
I cannot approach a Holy God
I do not even dare
But still He whispers my name
"Child, do not hesitate
I love you, how I love you
I am willing to wait
My work on the cross was complete & final
You do not need to fear
It's all been taken care of
The way between us is clear"
And still He whispers my name
"Child do not hesitate
I love you, how I love you
I am willing to wait
The god of Satellite has Died
Well, it happened. The funny thing is....I knew it was bound to happen. I just didn't expect it to happen the way that it did. Long story short, the home is now officially without satellite TV. Only the four basic channels now flow through our TV wavelengths. TV watching is something I've always done. And now...it has come to a complete HALT. I am quite ashamed to admit that I am dying a slow death. Yes, the lack of TV is killing me...quite literally. It is killing the lazy, self indulgent, distracted side of me. I kind of had a clue, but I have ignored it. There was this still small voice calling to me..."Spend time with me. I want to hang out with you. Get to know me a little better." NO! It wasn't my husband or kids. It was my Jesus. I no longer can ignore that still small voice. There is no Little House on the Prairie, Dateline TV, or Snapped sounds to drown them out. It's going to be a process I realize, but I can already tell it is going to be uncomfortable. I'm willing to hang touch, for now. I'm willing to see it through. It's interesting though, I've learned a few things about myself.
1. No noise leaves lots of time for listening, reflecting, and processing.
2. The kids are getting more focused and productive attention
3. I don't even turn the TV on now to watch basic channels, what's that all about? It's not like I can't, I just don't.
1. No noise leaves lots of time for listening, reflecting, and processing.
2. The kids are getting more focused and productive attention
3. I don't even turn the TV on now to watch basic channels, what's that all about? It's not like I can't, I just don't.
Family Bible Study
Last night we did our first Bible study with the kids. We've been praying about how to write God's name on their hearts, and how to plant the seed of Jesus and His love in them, and we found some material we are excited about using with them. Can I just say, the questions they asked us were amazing. I had no idea they were so aware of God and that they had so many questions about Him. I'm sure we'll struggle to keep it going, but we are so committed to making it a priority.