In that day I will restore the fallen house of David.
I will repair it's damaged walls.
From the ruins I will rebuild it and restore it's former glory.
And Israel will possess what is left of Edom and all the nations I have called to be mine
The Lord has spoken, and he will do these things.
“The time will come,” says the Lord, “when the grain and grapes will grow faster than they can be harvested. Then the terraced vineyards on the hills of Israel will drip with sweet wine!
I will bring my exiled people of Israel back from distant lands, and they will rebuild their ruined cities and live in them again. They will plant vineyards and gardens; they will eat their crops and drink their wine.
As I read through this verse I tried to remember what was going on in August 1998 that made this verse so important that I would want to remember it. Then it hit me. It was a painful time in my life. We had just experienced a miscarriage and I was devastated. I had been operating under the belief that if I followed God's rules, I would not experience loss and pain. And if I did experience loss and pain, it was a direct result of my sin. You can imagine how the loss of this child would cause me to question what I believed. What sin had I partaken in that warranted the loss of my unborn child? What had I done to deserve the death of my child? Surely my sin wasn't that great! It wasn't the child alone I grieved, it was the hopes, dreams, and aspirations that were assigned the child. I had suffered events in my youth that made me question my ability to have children. I had sighed with relief when I learned of my pregnancy.
"God has been faithful! I will get to bear children. I will get to fulfill my hopes of being a mother." SLAM! The miscarriage had shut that door. Maybe I wouldn't get to carry children. It wasn't fair. I was to suffer for the sins of others. IT WAS NOT FAIR. God seemed cold and far. He seemed uncaring and cruel. I wanted to turn my back on Him and I did for a short time. I thumbed my nose at Him and let Him know I could handle my life without Him. I have never been so alone or so afraid in all of my life. And then, I heard the story of Isaac and Abraham. I had heard it before but this time it was different. I commiserated with Abraham as he took his hopes and dreams, his promises of a future....Isaac...and laid them on an altar. He loved God more than what he had been promised. He was being asked to trust God even though it didn't make sense. I don't know why I read Amos that day. But I did. The promise God gave to Israel struck a chord with me. I felt as if I had been pillaged of everything that was pure and good. I felt desolated and ravaged. All that I had dreamed of and hoped for had been taken. But I also knew that God was my life. I needed Him more than I needed to be a mother. I laid my dreams of motherhood and bearing children at the altar and held Amos 9 as my receipt. I would trust God, but I would hold Him to His promise of restoring what had been taken. I felt a peace that day that I had never known. I chose to believe that no matter what my future held, I would serve God. He was life and without Him I had no purpose. If I was to live life without children, then there must be another purpose for my life. I found out within that week that I was carrying my first child, Isaac D'Artagnan.
Not all stories turn out the way we want them to. God doesn't always come through for us the way we want Him to. The pastor man is always saying that I agree with him. He didn't come through for John the Baptist and save his life. He didn't come through for me and save my child. But I have learned to trust that He's got a purpose for it all.
It is amazing to me to see how His promise is being fulfilled. I can see how God has repaired the holes of my life. I can see how God has been restoring and rebuilding my life. He has given me courage when I had none. He has given me joy, when I had lost all hope. He has given me love, when I had shut my heart to all love. He has been so good to me. He has been so faithful. His love for me has never once been too little or not enough. Even when I thought He was so far away, He was there.
"God has been faithful! I will get to bear children. I will get to fulfill my hopes of being a mother." SLAM! The miscarriage had shut that door. Maybe I wouldn't get to carry children. It wasn't fair. I was to suffer for the sins of others. IT WAS NOT FAIR. God seemed cold and far. He seemed uncaring and cruel. I wanted to turn my back on Him and I did for a short time. I thumbed my nose at Him and let Him know I could handle my life without Him. I have never been so alone or so afraid in all of my life. And then, I heard the story of Isaac and Abraham. I had heard it before but this time it was different. I commiserated with Abraham as he took his hopes and dreams, his promises of a future....Isaac...and laid them on an altar. He loved God more than what he had been promised. He was being asked to trust God even though it didn't make sense. I don't know why I read Amos that day. But I did. The promise God gave to Israel struck a chord with me. I felt as if I had been pillaged of everything that was pure and good. I felt desolated and ravaged. All that I had dreamed of and hoped for had been taken. But I also knew that God was my life. I needed Him more than I needed to be a mother. I laid my dreams of motherhood and bearing children at the altar and held Amos 9 as my receipt. I would trust God, but I would hold Him to His promise of restoring what had been taken. I felt a peace that day that I had never known. I chose to believe that no matter what my future held, I would serve God. He was life and without Him I had no purpose. If I was to live life without children, then there must be another purpose for my life. I found out within that week that I was carrying my first child, Isaac D'Artagnan.
Not all stories turn out the way we want them to. God doesn't always come through for us the way we want Him to. The pastor man is always saying that I agree with him. He didn't come through for John the Baptist and save his life. He didn't come through for me and save my child. But I have learned to trust that He's got a purpose for it all.
It is amazing to me to see how His promise is being fulfilled. I can see how God has repaired the holes of my life. I can see how God has been restoring and rebuilding my life. He has given me courage when I had none. He has given me joy, when I had lost all hope. He has given me love, when I had shut my heart to all love. He has been so good to me. He has been so faithful. His love for me has never once been too little or not enough. Even when I thought He was so far away, He was there.
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