Back To Reality

Reality awaits me. I returned home from a week in La Jolla, Ca. and realized life was there to greet me, and it isn't as bad as it was before I left. Isn't it amazing how a break can give you a renewed perspective on life. My kids were waiting to greet me with open arms and hearts. I love them. Life is still a struggle, but I learned, while resting, that it is worth it. No matter what road we choose from here, we choose it together and we walk it together. My family is with me and we are strong. No matter what life throws at us, we will stand strong.

San Diego

We're in San Diego. We're chaperone's, so we're not really vacationing, but it sure feels like it. This is a wonderful opportunity and we thank God that he provided it for us. It is gorgeous! The weather is cool and refreshing, there is a God and I sense Him here. I know he's been with us and he's been present during our struggles, but it is here, away from the struggles of life that we can see God clearly without all of the distractions of life. We can take this moment to rest in the beauty He has created. Don't get me wrong, we've felt God and have sense His peace in our home is a way we've never known before. Never before, have we been able to say that as the storms of life rage around us we sense God's peace in the midst. And yet we have this past month. Today, the peace we have felt now matches our surroundings, at least for a short time. We shall accept this reprieve and re-energize ourselves so that we can return to our home and continue to be about His business. C-Peau, if you're reading, thank you so much for your generosity and making this trip possible. We will return, ready for life. You guys rock.

His Eye Is On The Sparrow

Quite literally. Two days ago my children found two sparrow chicks in our backyard. I was a little nervous at first, knowing this might end in death. However, we used it as an opportunity to teach our daughter a very important lesson. After finding out they were fledglings, we decided to keep them safe from the neighborhood cats. We kept them overnight in our storage room and fed them some fruit. The next day we awoke to find Nathan and Lily alive and well. My daughter and son fed them some more fruit and watched to see what would happen. Nathan flew away that afternoon and is doing fine. My daughter was a little sad to see him leave, but was happy Lily was still with us. Lily was a little slower to pick up the art of flying so she stayed with us one more night. After a meal of meal worms and fruit, she slept peacefully in our storage room. Today she was alive and well and complaining of hunger. We gave her one final meal of fruit and she was off to see the world. We had to help her a little, but she is off and flying and doing her bird thing. My daughter had a hard time letting her struggle with flying, she wanted to help her and move her and feed her and keep her. I explained to her that birds do better in the sky. The more we help them, the less they are able to survive on their own. She didn't agree, but trusted that I knew what I was talking about. As she watched Lily "leave the nest" I congratulated her, "Good job Mama bird."

A New Name

Our church had it's first service with it's new name and in a new building. It was different in a good way. I think our kids weren't sure what to expect being in a different location, and so they were a little apprehensive. I'm so glad they had this experience. On the way home Saturday night, our teenager said, "So, the only thing that has changed is the building? We are still the same people and the same beliefs? That's cool." I'm so glad they are learning at a young age that church isn't about a building or a name, it's about the people in the community and how they treat each other. It's about how we show our love for each other. Jars of Clay did a great version of They'll Know We Are Christians By Our Love and I think of this song when I think of our church. It has been a long time coming, but I truly feel like we are in a community that is dedicated to being true examples of God's love. In Acts, that kind of community changed the world.

The Right To Be Heard

Last Saturday night, at church, our pastor said something that has been repeating in my mind all week long. "You have to earn the right to be heard." Often, we have to earn the right to be heard by them before we can ever share the gospel with them. They must see us as an authentic display of God's love. We can't just come in and start "preaching" at them. Of course, I'm paraphrasing and putting it in my own words, but the gist is the same. I have never been comfortable with "witnessing" in the conventional idea, but I like the idea of earning the right to be heard in people's lives. If I listen to people and try to understand where they are coming from, as our pastor suggested, then we have an idea of who they really are and what they are truly searching for.
Maybe that is what is happening in our lives right now. From all appearances, my man and I are sickeningly in love, and we are. It would be easy to believe that our relationship is just so easy because life has been easy to this point, life has been prosperous until now. Of course we love life. Life has, so far, been good to us. But now that life is being a bit cruel, how are we? Now that life seems to be dealing us a bad hand, can our love stay strong? Our love is stronger today than it ever has been. It's hard and I wish it were different, but it's not. That's just the way life goes.
I've been reading a book titled "Stop Whining, Start Living" and it speaks of perspective and it's ability to change how we look at almost any situation we face. Yes, we are financially challenged, BUT we have experienced kindness from strangers in a new way. Our eyes have been opened to the many friends we have around us. We have grown in our faith as we watch God provide over and over again. We have grown in our love as we cling to each other during this craziness. We have lost weight as we no longer can afford to eat out as much (sad isn't it).
We can sit and whine or we can embrace what we have. And what we have gained and are gaining, in the lives of those who have been watching us, is the right to be heard. And we will use that to glorify God in whatever way He sees fit.

Survival

So I survived my weekend, despite all of the wonderful things Friday held for me. Yes I was being sarcastic. Friday went better than expected. The Lord is good. He taught us some valuable lessons this weekend that we will never forget.
On a happier note, I was able to test for my orange belt and successfully passed. I was proud of the effort I put out and how good it felt to achieve something I have been working hard for. I did my board break successfully and will now start learning the orange belt material.
And finally, my firstborn is nine today. I can't believe he has grown so fast and so strong. I am proud of the boy he is becoming and look forward to watching him develop as a man.

I DON'T WANT TO!

I just found out that I am going to have to do the hardest thing in my life, thus far. I won't go into the particulars, but let me say, I would rather shut myself up in the house right now and never emerge again than to do what I will choose to do on Friday. I don't want to do it! I don't want to! I suppose there is no point to this post. There is no productive thing that I can say, right now. There is no silver lining in this cloud, that I can see. I can find no good in this situation at all, from my perspective. Does anyone else think that maybe God is pushing a little too hard? Does anyone else think that maybe God could just cut me a little slack? I'll be done now.

Living

by A. Whitby

Another blow
Another hit
Muster up more strength
A little more grit
Standing strong
Not standing tall
The wind blows hard
I will not fall
Living takes
More than it gives
All are given life
Few dare to live
Count me among
The few brave souls
Make my life count
This is my goal

Small Things

It's funny! Today I was checking out our martial arts school newsletter and to my surprise I was named Student of the Month. I even received a certificate. It's funny, I don't need a certificate to tell me I worked hard. My sore muscles tell me I am working hard. But it made me feel a little proud. Proud of the fact that I actually signed up for the class. Proud that I kept going back even though I thought I was going to die after the first class. Proud that I have broken my toe and still keep on doing class. In the grand scheme of things it's not a big thing, but it's a small things that makes me feel like I've grown as a person.

A New Perspective On Waiting...

But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.

When I think of waiting on God I think of two images. One is waiting, as a server is waiting on someone in the hopes of obtaining a tip for good service; one is waiting, sitting idly twiddling their thumbs waiting for things to happen. I don't like either one of those images. I have been doing the second kind of waiting. I'm not mounting with wings as eagles. I'm running and growing weary. I'm walking and I feel like fainting. My waiting must be wrong, in my analysis. Further research into the word waiting gave me a better perspective on what kind of waiting I'm to be doing. I want the promises God has offered and I am willing to do what is required to get those promises. The word waiting isn't what I thought it was. The word waiting means to bind together, perhaps by twisting.

But they that bind together with the Lord, shall renew their strength...

WOW! This I can do. I can bind myself to the Lord and not let go. I can hold on to Him and go wherever He takes me. I can immerse myself in Him and lose myself into Him. I already feel like I'm regaining energy.