Family Bible Study
Last night we did our first Bible study with the kids. We've been praying about how to write God's name on their hearts, and how to plant the seed of Jesus and His love in them, and we found some material we are excited about using with them. Can I just say, the questions they asked us were amazing. I had no idea they were so aware of God and that they had so many questions about Him. I'm sure we'll struggle to keep it going, but we are so committed to making it a priority.
Assessment Pt. 2
God took me seriously 28 years ago. I've said that before. What I haven't realized before is that I have been viciously attacked for the past 28 years by an unseen enemy who would have me taken out of the battle before it even began. I know that I've been redeemed, justified by the blood of Jesus and His work on the cross. What I hadn't realized is that there is a part two to the process. Regeneration. Mark Driscoll refers to Justification as the work that Jesus did on the cross for us, and Regeneration as the work the Holy Spirit does in us. To hear him talk on that more click here.
I don't think I've ever gone through this process. I've been trying to survive for the past 28 years. I've not even given thought to heaving a regenerated heart. So, my journey to regain my Feral Christianity continues. I'm both excited and frightened. Pride will have to die in order for me to let my heart be regenerated. I've been trying to prove I'm God's kids with my acts of service and goodness, which is ridiculous. I'm already God's kid. Imagine that. I'm not saying the past 28 years are a waste, but I do believe I made it a little harder on myself than it needed to be. I've been trying to be good with a nasty heart. What I should have been working for is letting God get rid of my nasty heart. That sounds so simple, but something tells me, it's going to be harder than it appears.
I don't think I've ever gone through this process. I've been trying to survive for the past 28 years. I've not even given thought to heaving a regenerated heart. So, my journey to regain my Feral Christianity continues. I'm both excited and frightened. Pride will have to die in order for me to let my heart be regenerated. I've been trying to prove I'm God's kids with my acts of service and goodness, which is ridiculous. I'm already God's kid. Imagine that. I'm not saying the past 28 years are a waste, but I do believe I made it a little harder on myself than it needed to be. I've been trying to be good with a nasty heart. What I should have been working for is letting God get rid of my nasty heart. That sounds so simple, but something tells me, it's going to be harder than it appears.
Assessment of the 10 + 10 Challenge Pt. 1
Like most things, I took the 10+10 challenge with naive enthusiasm. "I'm going to do it and God's going to change my life. Yes!" Be careful what you ask for, right? God's been messing with my life in ways I wasn't prepared for. Here's just one story.
I met Jesus when I was 6 years old. My life was already a little complicated at such a tender age. I met Him at church and the woman told me a story using a little book with no words and pages full of color.
Black ~ The color of my heart full of sin. At six I knew I did have such a heart.
Orange ~ The color of the fires of Hell, the place you must go to when you choose not to have a relationship with God.
Red ~ The color of the blood that was shed when Jesus died on the cross for my black little heart. I wanted the blackness of my heart to be gone so desperately.
White ~ The color of my heart after it has been washed in the blood of Jesus. I spent a lot of time in the dirt so this was an understandable concept for me.
Gold ~ The color of the place I get to go after my heart is washed. I wasn't too concerned with where I would go when I died, because I was only six, I had a lot of time left.
Blue ~ The color of the waters of baptism. I didn't quite get this part but I like the color blue, and I liked the water. So baptism couldn't be all that bad.
Purple ~ The color of royalty, what I would become as a result of my white heart. As a fatherless child, this held incredible appeal. I not only got a daddy, but I got a daddy who was a king!
Green ~ The color that represented the growth and maturity that would take place over the next years.
I admit, it sounds so simple, but it is what I remember as my salvation experience. That was 28 years ago. I didn't walk away from God. I didn't spend much time building my testimony. But I did spend many years sitting still in the bondage of fear.
I met Jesus when I was 6 years old. My life was already a little complicated at such a tender age. I met Him at church and the woman told me a story using a little book with no words and pages full of color.
Black ~ The color of my heart full of sin. At six I knew I did have such a heart.
Orange ~ The color of the fires of Hell, the place you must go to when you choose not to have a relationship with God.
Red ~ The color of the blood that was shed when Jesus died on the cross for my black little heart. I wanted the blackness of my heart to be gone so desperately.
White ~ The color of my heart after it has been washed in the blood of Jesus. I spent a lot of time in the dirt so this was an understandable concept for me.
Gold ~ The color of the place I get to go after my heart is washed. I wasn't too concerned with where I would go when I died, because I was only six, I had a lot of time left.
Blue ~ The color of the waters of baptism. I didn't quite get this part but I like the color blue, and I liked the water. So baptism couldn't be all that bad.
Purple ~ The color of royalty, what I would become as a result of my white heart. As a fatherless child, this held incredible appeal. I not only got a daddy, but I got a daddy who was a king!
Green ~ The color that represented the growth and maturity that would take place over the next years.
I admit, it sounds so simple, but it is what I remember as my salvation experience. That was 28 years ago. I didn't walk away from God. I didn't spend much time building my testimony. But I did spend many years sitting still in the bondage of fear.
10 + 10 Challenge Day 2
Today my attention was drawn to the story of John the Baptist meets Jesus. It's not a big story, and not a lot is really said with words. I was asked to look a little closer, I have to assume God's finger was pointing it out. Again, I'm not that clever on my own.
So, John just finishes calling the Pharisees on the carpet. "You guys are like rats on a drowning ship." Not exactly what he said, but you get the idea. He's pretty much telling them that if they're looking for the next "How To Get Holy With Three Simple Steps" they're looking in the wrong place. John's mission with baptism was not to make people holy with the water from the river, he was symbolizing the washing that would take place in their hearts and minds. That's a whole different post, but it's worth some thought. So I'm going to move over that for now. Jesus comes through and is ready to be baptized.
I suddenly appreciate the implications of what Jesus is doing. In essence, He is submitting to the authority God has given John the Baptist. I do martial arts. Whenever I see my Sah Bom Nims (masters) I am required to bow and greet them in Korean "Ahn youn ha se oh, TANG SOO!" The Tang Soo should be said with spirit and strength. This is to happen no matter where I am. The first thing I do when I enter the school is, I bow and greet. If I'm at Starbucks and Sah Bom Nim walks in, I bow and greet. If I'm in church and they visit, I bow and greet. I show respect to the years they have dedicated to the art, and the respect I feel for their efforts on my part. So, Jesus coming to be baptized by John is like my Sah Bom Nims coming to me and bowing and greeting me, and asking me to teach them a class. John's repsonse is what I imagine mine would be...I'm not qualified, I'm not even qualified to teach you to stretch, please let me learn something from you."
Jesus was the son of God. He could have just walked up to the scene and informed John that He was going to take over. "Thanks for getting them started." But He restrains Himself and shows respect to what God is doing there and endorses it with His act of humility. What a lesson for my proud heart. Sometimes, I know that I'm right. Sometimes, I know that my way is the way. And I speak out of turn, out of place, with disrespect and disregard. How can God be in that? He can't. I can learn to be humble as my Jesus was humble. He did not exercise His authority over people and strong arm people into doing things His way. He waited and listened and acted, only when God released Him to act and THAT is why He is still changing the world. It sounds so easy, but it will be a lesson I struggle to learn until the day I die.
So, John just finishes calling the Pharisees on the carpet. "You guys are like rats on a drowning ship." Not exactly what he said, but you get the idea. He's pretty much telling them that if they're looking for the next "How To Get Holy With Three Simple Steps" they're looking in the wrong place. John's mission with baptism was not to make people holy with the water from the river, he was symbolizing the washing that would take place in their hearts and minds. That's a whole different post, but it's worth some thought. So I'm going to move over that for now. Jesus comes through and is ready to be baptized.
I suddenly appreciate the implications of what Jesus is doing. In essence, He is submitting to the authority God has given John the Baptist. I do martial arts. Whenever I see my Sah Bom Nims (masters) I am required to bow and greet them in Korean "Ahn youn ha se oh, TANG SOO!" The Tang Soo should be said with spirit and strength. This is to happen no matter where I am. The first thing I do when I enter the school is, I bow and greet. If I'm at Starbucks and Sah Bom Nim walks in, I bow and greet. If I'm in church and they visit, I bow and greet. I show respect to the years they have dedicated to the art, and the respect I feel for their efforts on my part. So, Jesus coming to be baptized by John is like my Sah Bom Nims coming to me and bowing and greeting me, and asking me to teach them a class. John's repsonse is what I imagine mine would be...I'm not qualified, I'm not even qualified to teach you to stretch, please let me learn something from you."
Jesus was the son of God. He could have just walked up to the scene and informed John that He was going to take over. "Thanks for getting them started." But He restrains Himself and shows respect to what God is doing there and endorses it with His act of humility. What a lesson for my proud heart. Sometimes, I know that I'm right. Sometimes, I know that my way is the way. And I speak out of turn, out of place, with disrespect and disregard. How can God be in that? He can't. I can learn to be humble as my Jesus was humble. He did not exercise His authority over people and strong arm people into doing things His way. He waited and listened and acted, only when God released Him to act and THAT is why He is still changing the world. It sounds so easy, but it will be a lesson I struggle to learn until the day I die.
10 + 10 Challenge
10 minutes of Reading
Today I read in Matthew, as suggested. I didn't speed through the begats and found it cool that 5 women made it into the Who Begat Who list. Tamar, Rahab, Ruth, Bathsheba, and Mary. Isn't it funny that four of the five women begat sons from their second marriages AND that ALL of the women had a slightly scandelous history? I thought that was really fascinating. But the question that formed in my mind today had nothing to do with the scandelous women and Mary...or maybe it did.
Jospeh, I noticed, was faced with a choice right off the bat. He would either have to believe that Mary carried the child of God, or not. He was a good man, he had a good reputation. Mary in her condition, would ruin that repuation. Believing in God would mess up what he had spent his past working for. If he chose not to believe Mary is carrying God's son, his future is in jeopardy. Choosing not to believe God puts his future at risk. Believe- sacrifice the past. Not Believe - sacrifice the future. WOW! These five women did have something in common with Joesph after all.
10 Minutes of Praying/Listening
So I listened for a while and I was reminded of Proverbs 3:5 Trust in the Lord with all your heart., do not depend on your own understanding. The verse sparked a train of thought that I want to believe was God poling around in my heart, because I don't think I would have been this clever on my own. I want to believe like this. I want to trust in the Lord with all my heart, but what would that look like. How would my life change if I trusted in the Lord with all my heart? What would my life look like? It's the thought I am mulling over in my mind and heart today. Let me know if you find any answers, I'm interested to hear them.
Today I read in Matthew, as suggested. I didn't speed through the begats and found it cool that 5 women made it into the Who Begat Who list. Tamar, Rahab, Ruth, Bathsheba, and Mary. Isn't it funny that four of the five women begat sons from their second marriages AND that ALL of the women had a slightly scandelous history? I thought that was really fascinating. But the question that formed in my mind today had nothing to do with the scandelous women and Mary...or maybe it did.
Jospeh, I noticed, was faced with a choice right off the bat. He would either have to believe that Mary carried the child of God, or not. He was a good man, he had a good reputation. Mary in her condition, would ruin that repuation. Believing in God would mess up what he had spent his past working for. If he chose not to believe Mary is carrying God's son, his future is in jeopardy. Choosing not to believe God puts his future at risk. Believe- sacrifice the past. Not Believe - sacrifice the future. WOW! These five women did have something in common with Joesph after all.
10 Minutes of Praying/Listening
So I listened for a while and I was reminded of Proverbs 3:5 Trust in the Lord with all your heart., do not depend on your own understanding. The verse sparked a train of thought that I want to believe was God poling around in my heart, because I don't think I would have been this clever on my own. I want to believe like this. I want to trust in the Lord with all my heart, but what would that look like. How would my life change if I trusted in the Lord with all my heart? What would my life look like? It's the thought I am mulling over in my mind and heart today. Let me know if you find any answers, I'm interested to hear them.
Mothers Encouragement
I've been going through old video footage of my family. There were unlabeled cassettes and I wanted to know what was on them, so the organizer in me took over and now all the cassettes are identified and labeled. It was crazy to watch my children as infants. They were so small and helpless. They were such a mystery. Who were they? What were they like? What did they enjoy? What would they grow into? And then they grew to toddlers, the first steps, words, EVERYTHING! I watched and savored the moments. I have remembered being impatient, frustrated, and distant, but as I watched those videos I realized, I wasn't those things. There were moments of impatience and frustration. There were moments I distanced myself for the sake of peace and safety. But as I listened to myself talking to the children, I realized there were some good moments in there as well. There were moments of peace and patience, and complete joy. It wasn't ALL bad.
Let's face it, being a stay at home mom is a rough job. It's easy to feel isolated, alone, and completely inept. The most difficult part for me has been the investigation that takes place from the day they are born. If you didn't already know, kids are packages that unfold over the years. We struggle to figure out what they are trying to communicate with us. We struggle to figure out what they want. We struggle to figure out what they like, although it's usually pretty easy to figure out what they don't like. I do this so that I can know how to best meet their needs. But it's tiring, and some days there are no 15 minute breaks, unless they still take naps. Even then there are things to be done, that at the time seem as if they can't wait. Lunch time is more like running an obstacle course while trying to eat. HOWEVER, it's worth the effort to do the investigation. My kids are now 8 and 10 and they are so wonderfully interesting. They are so cool. I enjoy getting to know them and what makes them tick.
So if you...are feeling like they are going crazy; are covered in throw up; haven't taken a shower before noon in months; haven't sat down to eat a meal in who knows how long; wonder if you are going to survive; think no on notices the effort you are making; worry about your kids, please let me encourage you. Hang in there! This too shall pass. You're changing the world with every diaper change, every sippy cup refill, every kiss for every booboo, and every hug and kiss.
Let's face it, being a stay at home mom is a rough job. It's easy to feel isolated, alone, and completely inept. The most difficult part for me has been the investigation that takes place from the day they are born. If you didn't already know, kids are packages that unfold over the years. We struggle to figure out what they are trying to communicate with us. We struggle to figure out what they want. We struggle to figure out what they like, although it's usually pretty easy to figure out what they don't like. I do this so that I can know how to best meet their needs. But it's tiring, and some days there are no 15 minute breaks, unless they still take naps. Even then there are things to be done, that at the time seem as if they can't wait. Lunch time is more like running an obstacle course while trying to eat. HOWEVER, it's worth the effort to do the investigation. My kids are now 8 and 10 and they are so wonderfully interesting. They are so cool. I enjoy getting to know them and what makes them tick.
So if you...are feeling like they are going crazy; are covered in throw up; haven't taken a shower before noon in months; haven't sat down to eat a meal in who knows how long; wonder if you are going to survive; think no on notices the effort you are making; worry about your kids, please let me encourage you. Hang in there! This too shall pass. You're changing the world with every diaper change, every sippy cup refill, every kiss for every booboo, and every hug and kiss.
What is A Right
I usually keep my opinions to myself regarding politics. I have too many friends on both sides of the aisle to wander into these conversations lightly. So please understand right up front that I'm not commenting on politics now, I'm merely posing a question.
My husband asked me yesterday, "What is a right? What do you believe you have a right to?" It's a good question. What do I have a right to? Do I have a right to a job? Do I have a right to healthcare? Do I have a right to life? Do I have a right to a gun?
As I thought about his question, I realized that if you understand what you really have a right to, you will change the way you behave and make choices. Any thoughts any of you might have would be interesting to hear.
My husband asked me yesterday, "What is a right? What do you believe you have a right to?" It's a good question. What do I have a right to? Do I have a right to a job? Do I have a right to healthcare? Do I have a right to life? Do I have a right to a gun?
As I thought about his question, I realized that if you understand what you really have a right to, you will change the way you behave and make choices. Any thoughts any of you might have would be interesting to hear.
Wisdom is Shouting In The Streets
I read Proverbs 1 today and was struck by verse 20 - 21.
Our church, Revolution, has been going through a series by Dave Ramsey on financial issues. Click here to listen. I like to think we are finally educating ourselves. The things he has to say on money are true and his presentation is practical and witty. Check him out and form your own opinion. Our response to his message is that we are endeavoring to get out of debt. We are deciding to become gazelle like in our pursuit of financial freedom. Wisdom will help this pursuit. I will be listening for her today.
Lady Wisdom goes out in the street and shouts.
At the town center she makes her speech.
In the middle of the traffic she takes her stand.
At the busiest corner she calls out:
Provers 1:20-21 (Msg.)
I guess I always thought Lady wisdom was something I needed to search for, pursue, seek, investigate. It almost seems as though wisdom is seeking me according to this verse. It seems wisdom is calling out to anyone who will listen. Of course, I'll hear the argument that this is from the Message and I may be taking it out of context, but the NIV says it the same way. Wisdom stands in the streets calling aloud, raising her voice. It just struck me as funny that all this time I've been looking for wisdom and I find out that wisdom has been looking for me too. My prayer today is that we finally meet each other and unite forces.At the town center she makes her speech.
In the middle of the traffic she takes her stand.
At the busiest corner she calls out:
Provers 1:20-21 (Msg.)
Our church, Revolution, has been going through a series by Dave Ramsey on financial issues. Click here to listen. I like to think we are finally educating ourselves. The things he has to say on money are true and his presentation is practical and witty. Check him out and form your own opinion. Our response to his message is that we are endeavoring to get out of debt. We are deciding to become gazelle like in our pursuit of financial freedom. Wisdom will help this pursuit. I will be listening for her today.
Do I Make Him Proud?
It's funny how so many people have so many definitions of the same word. I once called myself a Christian, but I've seen others claim the same lifestyle and behave so differently than we do. It makes me a little sad. I have to ask myself continually, how am I representing Christ? Would I make Him proud? Would He stand next to me and allow me to call myself His follower? Everything I do, I think about. It's a little obsessive, but I want to make Him proud. Just some thoughts for the day.
Laziness & Complacency
Life has been tough the past two years. I realized last week that we faced many challenges. Challenges I've just now had the opportunity to process. I shared in FoodaholicsAnon(My blog on My Weight Loss Journey) that I've been feeling terribly lazy and complacent. I was getting ready to beat myself up when I decided that would be stupid. It has been difficult. I've faced so many intense emotions and it's normal to go somewhere with those emotions. I went into hiding. I think Tang Soo helped to give me just enough fight to not quit, and there were many times I wanted to quit. So, I'm coming out of hiding and rejoining civilization. Life is short and wasted in fear, laziness, and complacency.
As you grow older, you'll find the only things you regret are the things you didn't do. ~Zachary Scott
Laziness brings on a deep sleep, and the shiftless man goes hungry. ~Proverbs 19:15
As you grow older, you'll find the only things you regret are the things you didn't do. ~Zachary Scott
Laziness brings on a deep sleep, and the shiftless man goes hungry. ~Proverbs 19:15
My name Is Angie and I'm a Foodaholic
I've started a different blog. It might be interesting, it might not. It's something I'm doing for myself, but if you find it helpful....awesome! Click here if you are interested. I'll keep posting here, but on the normal topics.
God Was Faithful
I've recently heard from people I knew almost twenty years ago. It's strange to see once familiar faces of my youth in the now grown faces of strangers. Anyone who knows me knows these happenings have jogged my brain into a frenzy of activity. I moved to Tucson when I married and I left behind the girl I was in Phoenix. I found it strange and terrifying to be in a new place where no one knew my name. I was merely "The Beav's Wife". I spent the last fourteen years of my life reinventing who I am, but had almost forgotten who I once was. I know this may sound trite, but to me it has reminded me of how amazing the love of God truly is. My story is one full of so many mini stories and there is no time to go into them now, but the common thread runs through every event of my life: God was there and He was so faithful.
The Illusion of Mirrors
I've got this mirror in my hallway. I initially hung the mirror so we'd have a place to check our outfits before leaving the house. The only full length mirror we had until then was the mirror that hung on the door in the master bathroom. It was not accessible or convenient. But that was more information that I initially intended to supply. Back to the point. This mirror was hung with less that permanent adhesive. Why? I don't know. As a result the middle of the mirror comes free and creates an unflattering illusion. I spent almost two months walking down the hall looking down the mirror and hating myself. It makes me look FAT! I've gained some weight, but this mirror makes me look like my middle is retaining an ocean. I was putting towels away and realized the problem. I pushed the mirror back into the adhesive and took a step back. A miracle happened. I didn't look AS big as the mirror had suggested. I spent the rest of the day laughing at myself. It was at the end of the day that I learned a lesson. The mirror of my life is sometimes askew. If I don't adjust it from time to time I'll get a false image. Staying plugged into God will help me adjust.
Sidebar – I was relating this story to my mom and she laughed. She said, "I've always hated that mirror, but I'm glad you learned something for it."
Down Time
We were blessed enough to spend time in La Jolla this week. It was a little taxing, we were chaperones, but it was mostly relaxing. My favorite part was the time I got to spend with John. It's amazing how much we needed that time together. We knew we needed that time, but we didn't realize how much we needed it. We got to visit Disneyland, the beach, and Scripps Aquarium. The picture is from the aquarium. It never ceases to amaze me how awesome God is in His creation of sea life. I am in awe of it.
Time Out
I'm heading off to La Jolla tomorrow and I'm totally excited. We've had a rough year and I'm really looking forward to some time away from reality. I hope I get it, if not, I'll deal. I always do. I've got such a great support system, it's hard to feel sorry for myself. It almost seems wrong to pout when I have so much love.
Isaac
I can't believe it's been 10 years since this wonderful little, strike that, almost taller than me person entered the world and changed my life. I remember holding him for the first time. He was crying and when I called his name he stopped crying and looked at me. I also remember how he was whisked away and taken to the nursery. I remember how I felt when they told me he was struggling and needed to go the the NICU. I remember seeing him in his incubator and how I couldn't hold him. I remember leaving the hospital without him. I remember visiting him. I remember his surgery. I remember how they told me all of the challenges he would face as a result of his beginning. He may not walk well, he may not talk clearly, he may not learn very well, a long list of things he might not be able to do. I remember praying and crying. I remember John's determination. We'll believe he can do until God tells us he can't.As I watched him run around today, carrying on crazy conversation with his friend and sister, laughing, giggling, enjoying life I understand, once again, that God gave me a special miracle 10 years ago. Dont' get me wrong, both of my kids are miracles to me, but Isaac's arrival was different. I always let people tell me what was possible, I didn't like it, I fought against it, but I accepted it. God changed that with Isaac. I have had to be his advocate every step of the way. My son, Isaac, my laughter, my joy. God has proved to me that one person can decide what the future will hold. Isaac was determined to talk, he was determined to talk, he is determined to be a train engineer, he is determined to be a source of laughter. He is determined.
God has changed my life with his birth. I have found my faith in God, my confidence as a woman, and my joy in life, as I grow as a mother. His beginning was filled with fear and pain and doubt, but I think it is only an act of God that today, 10 years later, I watch him and I am filled with hope, pride, confidence, faith, and joy.
Jehovah-jireh
As I was growing up, we were always doing some sort of study either with our school or church. They usually had something to do with the tabernacle and the days of the Israelites during their 40 years of wandering in the desert. I remember doing one that studied the Hebrew names of God.
Random sidebar - my husband has taken a second job to help supplement our income. It isn't as much money as he would wish, but as he says, some money is better than no money. I both admire and respect his desire to provide for our family at such sacrificing extremes. It has been a huge adjustment to our family with regards to our schedule and time together. I find we are fighting ferociously to keep the time we spend together, as a unit, in tact.
Okay so as I was preparing laundry this morning and praying over my family, my husband in particular a song we used to sing in this class came to my mind. Usually the teacher would find a song that went with the name we were studying to reinforce the memory.
Jehovah-jireh - "Jehovah will see it," or "Jehovah will provide," or "Jehovah will be seen." The first time this name was used for God was in Genesis. Abraham used it to celebrate God's provision of a ram to replace Isaac on the altar.
I believe the study we did was by C.H. Spurgeon.
Random sidebar - my husband has taken a second job to help supplement our income. It isn't as much money as he would wish, but as he says, some money is better than no money. I both admire and respect his desire to provide for our family at such sacrificing extremes. It has been a huge adjustment to our family with regards to our schedule and time together. I find we are fighting ferociously to keep the time we spend together, as a unit, in tact.
Okay so as I was preparing laundry this morning and praying over my family, my husband in particular a song we used to sing in this class came to my mind. Usually the teacher would find a song that went with the name we were studying to reinforce the memory.
Jehovah-jireh, my provider, His grace is sufficient for me
My God shall supply all my needs, according to His riches in glory
He will give His angels charge over me
Jehovah-jireh cares for me.
I'm sure you'll think it's a strange thing to be remembering, but I really believe those things we learn as children stay with us throughout our lives, whether we want them to or not. My God shall supply for all my needs. He supplied for the need of encouragement today and will supply any other need I will have today. He is so good and so faithful. I am both renewed in my commitment to press on into this new season God has us in, and to continue inscribing God onto the hearts of our children. I want God to be able to use those things we teach them to encourage them when they are facing a difficult time.My God shall supply all my needs, according to His riches in glory
He will give His angels charge over me
Jehovah-jireh cares for me.
Jehovah-jireh - "Jehovah will see it," or "Jehovah will provide," or "Jehovah will be seen." The first time this name was used for God was in Genesis. Abraham used it to celebrate God's provision of a ram to replace Isaac on the altar.
I believe the study we did was by C.H. Spurgeon.
The Weight of Parenting
The blog has been silent. It's on purpose. There's so much going on and I am a transparent writer. I'm not good at being vague. I try, but it's fake and I have worked hard not to be fake. Life is harder than I thought it was going to be. I thought the hardest things in my life all took place in my childhood. I couldn't have been more wrong. Childhood was hard, but I think the parenting thing has been harder still. To love little hearts that don't completely understand is difficult. To teach little souls the importance of character and integrity feels near impossible at times. I know what my hubby and I are doing is important. We know we are valuable in these hearts. I just wish sometimes, I wasn't. Then the mistakes I make, the things I screw up wouldn't haunt me so. I'm not sitting under a dark cloud feeling sorry for my self. I realize it may come across that way. I just feel the weight of the importance of our responsibility. It's hard. It's a sacrifice. It's a donation of myself and I realize that my husband and I are the only ones who truly understand how much we give. It's a lonely feeling sometimes. Our prayer is that God will bless what we do. That He will bless our efforts and cover our mistakes with His pure, complete, and life-changing love.
The Power To Be or Not To Be
This week has been a relaxing week for the family. It has been week of learning, and a week of contemplation. This is passion week and I always turn my thoughts to the sacrifice made on our behalf. I think the thing that is most amazing to me is that Jesus could have stopped it at any time. The things I got through sometimes, I wish I could put an end to. Sometimes I can't stop those situations from happening and so I endure. How much would things change if I knew I could end my suffering? How much would things change if I had to choice to make? These are just thoughts running around in my head this morning.
Divine Romance
It's amazing to me how much Christ suffered on my behalf and how little I have been willing to suffer in His name. He was beaten, rejected by those He loved, accused, betrayed, and hated. I get my feelings hurt if someone picks on me or looks at me the wrong way.
What if, we are doing it wrong. Matthew16:24 says we are to deny ourselves, take up our cross and follow Him. I don't want to submit myself to rejection, betrayal and hurt, I don't want to carry the burden of responsibility, I don't want to walk the road before me. I see that it is the right thing to do, I see that it is most likely God's Will, but I don't want to do it.
I recall the crucifixion and realize, Jesus didn't want to do any of the things He chose to do. He did them for me. He asks me to do these things for Him. I now have the choice. I must decide whether or not I will be a party to the Divine Romance.