Procedures, Anniversaries, & Sushi
So I'm sure everyone wants to hear about my day, but I thought it was pretty funny. Yesterday was my thirteen anniversary...yeah for us. It has been thirteen great years. They have been some of the hardest years of my life, because I have been required to become less selfish and to become more giving. It's a good process and I am thankful for it. But to mark my thirteen anniversary, I had a procedure done. If you really want to know go ahead and ask. Let's just say I didn't get to eat for more than 24 hours. That's torture enough for me. My reward would be sushi so I endured.
Mistake #4 - Living The Uptight Life
It's easy to get caught up in the craziness of this life. This year I realized that time goes by so fast. I look back over the year and wish I had slowed down a little more, worried less, stopped to enjoy the sunset, soak up life and it's happenings rather than trying to beat the clock to the next event. So much was done in a hurry that I forgot to notice how my kids are growing so quickly.
There's no reason to elaborate on this topic. You know what I'm trying to say. I'll just tell you how I'm trying to remedy this problem.
1. Laugh at least once a day.
2. Dance instead of letting your temper get the best of you, doing it alone will encourage you to get into it.
3. Smell the roses - no literally I smell the roses on trips to costco. This is my routine with my girl. We stop and smell the roses.
4. Play a game with someone. We have kids so they get involved, but it's a fun way to pass the time.
5. Do a puzzle.
6. Let your kid read a book to you. It is a slow process but it's so cool to watch them get into the book.
Those are just a few we're trying here, but slow down and do let yourself get to uptight about things you won't remember next year when the ball drops.
Okay side bar, was anyone else both sad and admiring of Dick Clark's brave effort to do one last New Year's Eve show? Ahhhh....that's courage.
There's no reason to elaborate on this topic. You know what I'm trying to say. I'll just tell you how I'm trying to remedy this problem.
1. Laugh at least once a day.
2. Dance instead of letting your temper get the best of you, doing it alone will encourage you to get into it.
3. Smell the roses - no literally I smell the roses on trips to costco. This is my routine with my girl. We stop and smell the roses.
4. Play a game with someone. We have kids so they get involved, but it's a fun way to pass the time.
5. Do a puzzle.
6. Let your kid read a book to you. It is a slow process but it's so cool to watch them get into the book.
Those are just a few we're trying here, but slow down and do let yourself get to uptight about things you won't remember next year when the ball drops.
Okay side bar, was anyone else both sad and admiring of Dick Clark's brave effort to do one last New Year's Eve show? Ahhhh....that's courage.
MIstake #3 - Hiding my True Self
So I'm always complaining that no one knows me. I realized there are perceptions about me and believe it or not some of those perceptions are wrong. I was complaining this year to my wonderful hubby about how frustrated I was about those errors and he lovingly pointed out that "when you don't allow yourself to be vulnerable in front of people they are left to come up with their own perceptions". I'm sure I gave a hurt look or agitated comment, but later gave thought to his comment. I've mentioned my hesitation with allowing people too close for fear of hurt before, but what I didn't realize is that you need a big wall around your heart to accomplish the task of keeping people out. That wall creates a barrier between you and the outside world. That wall makes it possible for people to misperceive me. They have no other information to work with.
I remember the first time I cried in front of someone this year, they looked floored. I couldn't understand their response until later when I shared the incident with my husband. I commented that I cry all the time and for someone to be surprised by that is ridiculous. My husband responded that while I do share my tears with him, I do not share them with many others. So of course they are surprised when I do cry.
So here is my first step in breaking down my wall...it is a first step so don't laugh too hard, but hey at least I'm putting it out there right?
I'm extremely goofy. I try hard not to let it show in front of other people...I've been called a nerd as a result of this characteristic. When you are in 9th grade and get called a nerd you change. It's not good but it is what happens from time to time. So don't be surprised by my sudden outbursts of strangeness, it will happen.
I'm an extremely passionate person. There is rarely a middle ground of me. I'm either really happy, or really sad. I feel almost every emotion very deeply whether it is love, hate, rage, joy, compassion, concern, or frustration...I don't feel a little happy. I am ECSTATIC! I don't feel a little mad. I am IRATE! I've tried really hard to fix this but have come to the realization that God made me this way and I do a disservice to myself and the world around me if I try to change this aspect of my personality. So there you go.
Again those are first steps that may seem silly to you, but to me they are almost liberating.
I remember the first time I cried in front of someone this year, they looked floored. I couldn't understand their response until later when I shared the incident with my husband. I commented that I cry all the time and for someone to be surprised by that is ridiculous. My husband responded that while I do share my tears with him, I do not share them with many others. So of course they are surprised when I do cry.
So here is my first step in breaking down my wall...it is a first step so don't laugh too hard, but hey at least I'm putting it out there right?
I'm extremely goofy. I try hard not to let it show in front of other people...I've been called a nerd as a result of this characteristic. When you are in 9th grade and get called a nerd you change. It's not good but it is what happens from time to time. So don't be surprised by my sudden outbursts of strangeness, it will happen.
I'm an extremely passionate person. There is rarely a middle ground of me. I'm either really happy, or really sad. I feel almost every emotion very deeply whether it is love, hate, rage, joy, compassion, concern, or frustration...I don't feel a little happy. I am ECSTATIC! I don't feel a little mad. I am IRATE! I've tried really hard to fix this but have come to the realization that God made me this way and I do a disservice to myself and the world around me if I try to change this aspect of my personality. So there you go.
Again those are first steps that may seem silly to you, but to me they are almost liberating.
Mistake #2 - Sweating the Small Stuff
I tend to hold on way too long to stuff that doesn't really matter. What kind of stuff do you ask? Insignificant things really, things like how the laundry is folded; if the laundry gets folded; how clean the house is; whether or not insignificant things are done exactly the way I want them done. These are the things I get worked up about. The biggest one is what people think of me. What do they think of me? Do they think I am a good mother, do they think I am a good wife? What can I do to improve the quality of woman I am portraying? The funny thing I realized this year as I people watched from the comfort of my friendless shell is that people are worried about so much that they hardly notice me. Can you imagine, the gall of some people not to notice me? I know! I am flabbergasted. So my effort was in vain. What a waste!
I had to shift my focus and efforts onto something more productive. Maybe I could focus on actually being a good wife and mother rather than just trying to make myself look like a good wife and mother. And then, I heard it...the sentence that both wounded and healed my heart. This sentence would be my focus and my motivation for the remainder of my life. There can be no true love if there are only thoughts of self. Hold on, let me take the knife out of my HEART! The worrying I do about the house being clean, and the laundry being done, and how I look to outsiders is so insignificant in comparison to those inside my house who suffer from my worrying. If this sentence is true, then I had to admit that the love I claimed to feel for my husband and children was empty as long as I was worried about how I was perceived. Sweating the small stuff keeps me from truly loving those closest to me. Sweating the small stuff costs way too much. Life is so short and before I know it the kids will be grown and doing their own thing. I will have all the time in the world to clean house and fold laundry. The funny thing is when that time comes I'll be wishing for these days...these days I take for granted. So I'm learning to sit back, relax, let the house be imperfect, let the laundry take longer than a day to do, let others think what they want, and I am finding myself happier. I am also finding that I am truly loving and loved truly.
I once heard someone say Being loved and loving is more important than being perfect and I couldn't agree more.
I had to shift my focus and efforts onto something more productive. Maybe I could focus on actually being a good wife and mother rather than just trying to make myself look like a good wife and mother. And then, I heard it...the sentence that both wounded and healed my heart. This sentence would be my focus and my motivation for the remainder of my life. There can be no true love if there are only thoughts of self. Hold on, let me take the knife out of my HEART! The worrying I do about the house being clean, and the laundry being done, and how I look to outsiders is so insignificant in comparison to those inside my house who suffer from my worrying. If this sentence is true, then I had to admit that the love I claimed to feel for my husband and children was empty as long as I was worried about how I was perceived. Sweating the small stuff keeps me from truly loving those closest to me. Sweating the small stuff costs way too much. Life is so short and before I know it the kids will be grown and doing their own thing. I will have all the time in the world to clean house and fold laundry. The funny thing is when that time comes I'll be wishing for these days...these days I take for granted. So I'm learning to sit back, relax, let the house be imperfect, let the laundry take longer than a day to do, let others think what they want, and I am finding myself happier. I am also finding that I am truly loving and loved truly.
I once heard someone say Being loved and loving is more important than being perfect and I couldn't agree more.
Mistakes I Don't Want To Repeat in 2009
As the new year begins, I am prone to mull over the year gone by. I am the kind of gal who likes to make new mistakes, not the same ones over and over again. To avoid the same mistakes I look over the past year and try to pick out what mistakes I'd like to avoid in the new year. I'm going to try and post one every day this week or as long as I have mistakes to examine.
Mistake #1 - Never underestimate the value of friendship.
I've never really been one to have many friends. I learned early in life that people who are close to your heart are just people with more power to hurt you. So, my solution, easy...don't make friends. Have acquaintances but never friends. I understand that this would be a whole lifetime of making this mistake, but let's not get hung up on technicalities, life is too short. (That's mistake #2)
While it is true you don't risk wounds from friends if you don't have friends, what you do risk is incredibly astounding.
Here are the risks:
Lack of advice from a friend who cares and sees your life from a different perspective.
Lack of someone to have dinner with on a whim.
Lack of someone to call as a diversion when you're obsessing over life issues and really just need to stop.
Lack of someone to ask how that last test you just had done went.
Lack of someone who'll smile at you for no reason at all.
Lack of someone to give you a random hug.
Lack of someone to ask to pray for your current situation.
Lack of someone to witness your faith journey and testify how good God has been in your life.
Sure friends hurts you sometimes, but in all fairness the hurt often goes both ways. In a society where technology is a great excuse to keep depth of relationship 2 feet deep and yet give the illusion of 8 foot depth, we must fight ever fiercely to keep our friends close. And for those of us just starting out, we'll wade into the 2 foot deep pool and brave into the open waters of friendship. We'll face the waves of hurt, misunderstanding, fear, insecurity, and laziness (for me at least) and all the while remember that we can never underestimate the value of true friendship.
Mistake #1 - Never underestimate the value of friendship.
I've never really been one to have many friends. I learned early in life that people who are close to your heart are just people with more power to hurt you. So, my solution, easy...don't make friends. Have acquaintances but never friends. I understand that this would be a whole lifetime of making this mistake, but let's not get hung up on technicalities, life is too short. (That's mistake #2)
While it is true you don't risk wounds from friends if you don't have friends, what you do risk is incredibly astounding.
Here are the risks:
Lack of advice from a friend who cares and sees your life from a different perspective.
Lack of someone to have dinner with on a whim.
Lack of someone to call as a diversion when you're obsessing over life issues and really just need to stop.
Lack of someone to ask how that last test you just had done went.
Lack of someone who'll smile at you for no reason at all.
Lack of someone to give you a random hug.
Lack of someone to ask to pray for your current situation.
Lack of someone to witness your faith journey and testify how good God has been in your life.
Sure friends hurts you sometimes, but in all fairness the hurt often goes both ways. In a society where technology is a great excuse to keep depth of relationship 2 feet deep and yet give the illusion of 8 foot depth, we must fight ever fiercely to keep our friends close. And for those of us just starting out, we'll wade into the 2 foot deep pool and brave into the open waters of friendship. We'll face the waves of hurt, misunderstanding, fear, insecurity, and laziness (for me at least) and all the while remember that we can never underestimate the value of true friendship.