***Warning this post is a little garbled as I attempt to make some sense out of my life. Read at your own risk**
Feral Christianity. An attempt to get back to the roots of who I am and who God created me to be. As life throws things at you and as you interact with those around you...you alter yourself to survive. I know I have done this. This may not be what God intended me to do. I wonder sometimes, if who I have allowed myself to become and who God wanted me to be are two different people. I've changed or suppressed parts of myself to avoid being strange, weird, and ultimately rejected. I get rejected anyway. I'm at a point in my life where some of those parts I got rid of were parts I find I need now. UGGGG! How do I get them back?
This year, there seems to be a focus in our lives about being completely dependent on God. There is an emphasis on allowing God to be who He is while I am obedient to His bidding to be who He has called me to be. The problem with that is, I'm not always sure I want to be who He's called me to be. It's the proverbial foot wanting to be a hand. I used to believe that the gifts God had given me didn't really jive with who I had envisioned myself being. I'm finding now, that the gifts God has given me can only be used successfully in conjunction with who He's called me to be. The kicker is, I am most content and at peace when I use my gifts according to His Will. So who's fighting this? If my spirit is at peace doing God's bidding and my gifts go perfectly with who God created me to be...where did I get the idea that I should be something else? Feeling confused yet, don't worry I confuse even myself.
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