Feral - Having returned to an untamed state from domestication

I've spent way too much time picking out my blog name. Is this a sign that I have become to organized, too controlled, and perhaps, too tamed? My choice is appropriate, at least I think so, and since it is my blog, my opinion is the only one that matters in this bloggers paradise I have created for myself. I believe I am going to begin an unnerving journey into a state of untamed Christianity. I have spent the better part of my life trying to tame myself and bring myself under control, an uphill battle I still haven't won, only to find that I must lose myself to truly find God. Imagine an ear shattering scream that pierces the core of your being! That would be me. The balloon of my carefully orchestrated world has been inconsiderately popped with the world's largest needle. I have no idea where this will take me. I don't know many women who are pursuing a wildness within themselves. Wildness is meant only for the men in the "religious" world. However, why would a desire to battle, to conquer, to fight, to wage holy war exist inside of me if I was not meant to investigate it? I no longer have the energy to suppress this aspect of my personality. I have fought it for nearly 33 years and I no longer have the energy to fight. A bittersweet surrender is taking place within the depths of my being. I fear what will happen to the me I once was. Meanwhile I am eager to discover what will happen on this journey to feral Christianity.