December 31st is usually a day I take to look over the past year. What have I done with my life? How have I spent my time? Have I made God's name famous with my life?
As I look back over the year, the one event that changed my life was the news of a carcinogenic polyp. It had no physical impact on my life, but the spiritual and emotional impact lasted all year. Cancer. It took me a while to grasp the impact of it. At first I was angry, and then I was terrified. I could die someday. We found it quite by accident, but God is so sovereign, there are no accidents with Him. My immediate thoughts went to "What if we had not found that? I would have died and left my family here without me." My next thought was, "Have I been diligent to teach my children?" The answer was no. That was in January. The remainder of the year I spent on my face! "I have been a poor steward of the life God has given me. Help us to prepare their hearts for You." I believe God is answering my prayer. We've got a long way to go, but I am learning to savor each moment with my children. The moments of their childhood are fleeting. I want to be a good steward with these precious little lives, no matter how much they frustrate me.
In two years, I'll have to go again and allow the doctors to search for new carcinogenic polyps. I cannot control what they will find, believe me I've done my research. There is nothing I can do to control what grows and develops, but God can. I want to say at that point, that I have been a good and faithful, but not perfect, steward of my life, regardless of what they find or don't find.
So, 2009 has been a year of deaths for me. Death to the ideas I once held, death to the things I though were so important, death to the worry over trivial matters, death to my flesh, death to my flesh again, and death to my flesh some more. It has been a good year and I am so glad that I survived, no I take that back. I am so glad that God has been free to grow me and develop me despite the struggles. I look forward to 2010. I do not know what it holds. I only know God will have His way and I cannot wait to see what that looks like.
