Stagnant in Spirit

I recently started subscribing to a newsletter by Wayne Cordeiro, pastor of New Hope Christian Fellowship Oahu. I read his book Doing Church As a Team and Dream Releasers and was impressed by the simplicity of the concepts and the depth of their impact. So when I received the invite for this newletter, I was naturally open to it. The first newsletter hit me where I live. It was titled Keeping Our Spirit Fresh. I didn't realize until I read that article that I allowed my spirit to grow stagnant this week. I know it's only a week, but a week in my life is a long time to go without time with God. All week I have felt like I am giving and giving out of an empty well. I know my quiet time got put on the back burner with the craziness of our schedule. I told myself I'd catch up on it later. I realize today that later, never comes when I want it to. And so, here I am. Feeling under the weather. Being forced to rest. I know what I need to do and I will do it. My spirit is stagnant and I will go to the only One who can refresh my spirit.

Thank You

We survived our looooong day and awoke well-rested and in good moods. My sweet boy...soon to be a man...did outstanding. He did all they needed him to do. He was a little overwhelmed with all the contact to his head, but he did his best to be brave. It wasn't anything painful that was done to him, but he has always had an aversion to people touching his head. If I had had two surgeries performed on my head, I think I would feel the same way. Regardless, he is well. Thank you so much for all of your prayers and kinds acts of love. We are truly blessed to have such a great community. I've had people ask, What can we do? There's nothing per se that can be done at the moment. Once we get results there may be some things we need, but honestly, the best thing that can be done for our family you are all doing. Keep us in prayer. If you ask me how I'm doing and I tell you "I'm fine" and start bawling, go ahead and assume I'm lying. I tend to try to do all things on my own. I do need help emotionally more than I need help physically. So, that's what we truly need. And I can't believe I will actually post that. I'm considering deleting it to avoid exposing myself for the weakling that I am. Okay I'm publishing post before I chicken out. You all rock.

Sleep Deprived

I'm a little cloudy minded today. I realize it's only 8a and I'm allowed a little cloudiness, but it has to do more with the knowledge that I have a long day ahead of me. My good-hearted boy will be preparing for his EEG today. What that involves is staying awake until 1a and waking at 5a tomorrow morning. He needs to be a bit sleep deprived, and since he is only 9, mommy will need to be there to make sure it happens in a safe manner. I'm not so nervous about the outcome of the test. Either way, it will be useful information. I'm more nervous about doing my day with as little emotion as possible. I tend to be on the emotional side when I am sleep deprived. Okay, I'm off.

Unrecognized Contributions

Isn't it amazing how people contribute to your life and you don't even realize it. I ran into the relative of a family I knew when I was young last week. The husband and wife were such a neat couple. I remember watching them together upon his return from deployment and thought to myself, I hope someday I have a husband that I love as much. I hope my children have a father that loves them with such devotion. It's funny, I grew up and married a man who is just that. As I remember this family, I have to smile to myself as I realize how good God is. He allowed me to see an example of a godly man even though there was no permanent example in my life. He gave me a model to refer to as I chose my husband. I don't even know if they know what an impact they had on my life, but I'm glad that God used them just the same.

Rose Canyon

Mount Lemmon. Ahhhh. My Sunday escape. Each week our family takes a Sabbath. My husband started this habit last year in an attempt to give me some quiet time to myself. It was intended to be a mini break for me, but ended up being a day of relaxation for them. I usually found some chore or odd job that needed to be done. It was not usually relaxing for me. This year, my husband invited me to join them. I hesitated at first. I am usually too prepared to just enjoy the kind of trip this is for them. But after prodding from all three of them, I conceded and up the mountain I went. My husband even bought a hammock for me so that I would be forced to relax. It works! Every Sunday I relax and prepare for the week ahead. It's been a nice addition to our lives and highly recommend a Sabbath for anyone. It's God's way of giving us permission to rest. He knew we needed it, that's why he made it a rule. The picture above was taken on the way up to Rose Canyon. The hubby thinks it looks like a volcano. We both think it is a gorgeous display of God's creativity.

Great Stress Ball, Batman!

Okay, so this week was CRAZY! It seems like every single aspect of our lives got hit. It's mostly life stuff but WOW! The opportunity to fail big time arose several times this week. Usually I am a stress ball during this season and I really don't like being that way. I tend to be short tempered with my children and combative with my man. I am proud to announce that only one child lost their head, and that was a completely legitimate beheading. Hubby and I were able to stay close and connected. He is a great source of strength for me and I know God has given him to me as the greatest gift one woman can ever receive. I am still feeling the stress but trying to let the people around me help more. They tend to like it better when I let them help as opposed to watching me run around and stressing. Things don't seem to be slowing down anytime soon, but I know I've got a great support system here. I did feel a little guilty at one point. Ladies, back me up here. You know how you get to that point of tiredness when all you can do is cry? No one has done anything and you aren't angry or sad, you're just tired. That happened and I felt so bad that the poor man witnessing it looked like he felt completely helpless. Sorry about that man. I'm really okay. Nothing a glass of wine and two good nights of sleep couldn't fix. Well, I'm off to prepare for the week. I leave myself with one final thought:
With God, all things are possible. With friends, whatever God asks me to do is possible.

Choice To Trust

I found this a few days ago and had to smile. This was a pivotal moment in my faith walk with God. I thought I would share.

January 14, 2005
I have been faced with the issue of trusting God for quite a while now. I suppose God is trying to say something. I've been going back and forth about the choice to trust God and I believe I have come to a decision. Here it is.

I choose to trust God. I don't completely understand God or His ways. I don't completely know what God has laid out for me. I don't know where He will take me. I don't really know alot. BUT! I know god loves me and I know I love God and without God I am lost. I know until now, God has always kept His promises to me and has always used my mistakes to help me to learn more about His love for me. SO! I choose to trust God based on those things I know and those things I don't know. I trust God. I can't see Him, physically feel Him, taste Him, or smell Him, but I choose to trust Him.

Still Working On It

I posted a while back that God was working something new in me and that I wanted to share it with you all, but I wanted to wait until it was more developed. Well, He's still working it. It's so funny that I thought He was going to explain it to me and I was so wrong. He has so graciously allowed me the opportunity to learn on the job. So, for those of you who are waiting for it, it's coming.

Fake It `til You Make It

For the past three years, God has really been defining faith for me. I grew up in church and heard many ideas on what faith is and what is should be. As God has defined it for me, I have become aware of the responsibility I have with my faith. The verse that really sparked the transformation of my ideas on faith was Hebrews 10:23.

Let us hold tightly without wavering to the hope we affirm,
for God can be trusted to keep his promise.

There were two things that stood out to me in this verse.
One ~ We hold tightly without wavering
The words used for hold tightly also translates as to get possession of, and also to hold fast, to keep secure, and to keep possession of. The word for wavering can be interpreted as without moving, not inclining, firm, unmoved.
Two ~ We hold tightly to a hope we affirm
Hope can also be as to anticipate with pleasure. Affirm here is our profession, something we say, we declare.

As I looked at the words faith I learned that faith is an allegiance to duty or a person. It is a loyalty, a belief, a trust in God, a complete trust. As you look at the definition of faith you have to look at the definition of belief or to believe. Belief or to believe is to have a firm conviction about something, to accept it as truth.

So here's my theory after reading all of this. Belief must come before faith, however, faith cannot come without belief. I must believe in God to have faith in Him. I must believe what He says about me and what He promises me. My faith is the evidence of that belief. My faith is the proof of what my belief is. The integrity of my belief will be shown in my faith. Faith should be active and in agreement with what I claim to believe. If I believe God loves me, I should behave as though He does. It is behaving based on our belief, not believing to change our behavior. So in essence the idea of faking it until you make it isn't too far off. As I embraced this idea into my life I began to change my thought process. I had to make a choice, and I did. I choose to accept God's promises as truth and I will hold tightly to that until it is fulfilled. I will not move from that idea, I will not change my mind. Why, because I have faith that my God will come through with His promise. I know that even though it looks like I'm standing all alone, that God is standing with me. I believe that even though it looks like He's left me for dead in the desert, He will complete the good work He has started in me. H won't let me down. I have a thought that I go to when I start to have my faith questioned and you can use them if you like.

I am not believing to change my behavior.
I am behaving based on my belief in an all powerful awesome God.

Godly Woman With A Little Fight Left In Her

Okay so it's confession time. Every once in a while I watch those GodTV or Daystar channels just to see what's going on in the religious community. There's one in particular that is geared towards women. I was watching it yesterday and I have to say, I was VERY disappointed. Why does it seem that "Godly" women are always portrayed as meek, mild, quiet, tempered, well-behaved women? It makes it impossible for women like myself to feel as if we are truly Godly. I am not quiet although God has tempered me. I am not mild by any definition of the word. I am passionate, loud, eccentric (which I realize is just another word for crazy), and I am a fighter. I behave myself only according to what God requires. If I am confronted with the enemy of my heart, I do not shrink back into the safety of my husbands arms, I call my man and we take that enemy on together. We double team him. If I see the enemy of my faith trying to destroy what God has done in me, I come out swinging full force.
Why am I talking about this? Let me tell you. My community is under attack by an unseen force. The bad guy would love nothing more than to win this battle. But he won't, not if I have anything to do with it. We, as Christians, sometimes cower and hide in the face of adversity, fearing we have angered some unjust god. We forget that Matthew 11:12 tells us that since the birth of John the Baptist the kingdom of heaven has been forcefully advancing and that violent people are attacking it. So, what should we do. Should we wait for someone to come and rescue us? Should we wait for someone to come in and do the fighting for us? Should we sit idly by and watch as our community is attacked? I will not. I was born for such a time as this! I was born to stand in the gap with the saints and claim the victory God already has won. I will not back down. I will not falter. It will be hard and I will want to quit, but I know what is at stake here. My faith will go on. I will always serve God. I have already decided this. But the faith I pass on to my children is on the line. They will comprehend faith by the way my husband and I live it out in front of them. I want them to see something of substance and value. I want them to see a God that is powerful beyond all belief. If they are to see that, I must live it out in front of them. So, bring it on. I suppose this is my way of putting the enemy of my faith on alert. He's been served notice that he will not win here in my home. I call those of my community to do the same.

It's Worth Fighting For - by Yours Truly

When I am inspired, I write. Here's another one for you. Don't be too harsh.

It's worth fighting for, this concept of community.
It's worth fighting for, this concept of faith.

It's worth fighting for, although the cost is high.

It's worth fighting for, although I will have to wait.
I've seen a life transformed
From shattered and useless to whole
I've seen a heart softened
From cold and distanced to restored
I've known a powerful God
Who leaves no work started undone
I've known an awesome God
Who covers my failures with his blood
It's worth fighting for, my children will need an example
It's worth fighting for, to see more than what eyes see
It's worth fighting for, to cling to a vision that's impossible
It's worth fighting for, fight alongside me

Baby Borrowers

Okay so I've been sucked into this series called the Baby Borrowers. I swore I wouldn't keep watching it, but I've been amazed at the whole idea. I'm not one for reality-shows. My own reality often is enough for me to handle let alone getting caught up in someone else's reality. However, my friend Hopsy and I watched the season premiere of the show and were shocked by the whole experiment. The premise is that a teen age couple gets a shot at being parents. They are cocky teen agers who know everything and think their parents are just clueless as to their abilities and capabilities. Last night they showed how the teens interacted with the toddlers they were given. As I watched, I began to remember how much work John and I put into those years. I had actually forgotten. It was good to see. As I awoke this morning, and was immediately faced with the children, who I cannot give back in three days, and my own reality. They came into the house and presented me with a problem they had found outside. I gave them, what I thought was, a pretty simple solution. Their answer was, "Ehh, I'll just wait until you do it". WHAT?! If I hadn't watched the show last night I might have just gone on, frustrated that I would have to go and solve this problem for them. But I remembered. I remembered the time I have put into these miraculous little humans. I remembered that I have been pooped on, peed on, thrown up on, sneezed on, boogered on, spit at, yelled at, kicked at, swung at, screamed at, bitten, hit, kicked, and I realized...I have done alot. I kept them alive, I kept them fed, I kept them comforted and safe. So, I responded to the beautiful little faces that live in my home, in the only way I felt appropriate, "Get out there and fix the problem yourselves, now!" They went. They now feel accomplished, and I know I'm doing a good job. Not to mention, I get to finish my morning cup of coffee.

Meet Xena

We've added a new member to our family. Xena the Warrior Princess. She's a cute little gal and we are so glad to have her.

She is a little sleepy from all the excitement.

Jefe and Xena getting to know each other.

So sleepy.

Do you think they are happy to have her?

Something On The Light Side

Now for some lighter topics. We went to see WALL-E this weekend. I've linked it to Dove.org for those who have kids and are interested in specific details.. If you haven't seen it yet, you may not want to read this. I'm not going to give away the ending or anything like that, but some people would rather not hear about it before they watch it.
Okay so my teen-ager works at the movie theater and was able to get some passes for us to go and see the movie WALL-E. It's a cute movie, if you are a kid who misses underlying messages. The characters were adorable and I really liked how they developed the relationship between to two main characters. However, I really could have done without the guilt trip at the beginning of the movie. Right off the bat you are hit with how much damage the human race is doing to the world. I'm not going to argue about the veracity of this statement, but I am going to argue that when I'm going to a theater to settle down for a time of relaxation and enjoyment with my family, I really don't want to be put on a guilt trip. I dodge guilt trips all day long from people who want what I can't give or won't because good sense demands I deny them their desires. Anyway, I ignored the whole feeling of guilt so it was wasted as far as I am concerned. The movie would have been cute without it. The only other thing that scared me was the humans. Our future is looked at in a very negative light and I was a little surprised that WALL-E didn't get any criticism for it's interpretation of the obesity issue and Kung-Fu Panda did. I don't get it. Anyway, the kids loved it and can't stop talking about it. I enjoyed it. It was cute and had some comical scenes, but do have to say that the highlight was the short movie before WALL-E. My hubby and I were laughing so hard we were shedding tears.

Rocky Balboa-isms

Let me tell you something you already know. The world ain't all sunshine and rainbows. It is a very mean and nasty place and it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. You, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. But it ain't how hard you hit; it's about how hard you can get hit, and keep moving forward. How much you can take, and keep moving forward. That's how winning is done. Now, if you know what you're worth, then go out and get what you're worth. But you gotta be willing to take the hit, and not pointing fingers saying you ain't where you are because of him, or her, or anybody. Cowards do that and that ain't you. You're better than that! ~ Rocky Balboa

This week in class I got my butt kicked. I got hit so many times, I wanted to throw my helmet on the floor and demand that people stop hitting me. I wanted to cry. I wanted to quit. I felt weak and inadequate. Then, as I was about to give in to the urge to quit, I remembered this quote. It's about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward. A renewed sense of purpose filled my tired muscles and I finished the class. Such a foreshadowing of my week.

This week has been a rough one for my family and I admit, everything in me wants to stop moving forward. What's the point? What's the point of being strong, holding on to morals and values, what's the point of striving to hold on to convictions that seemingly have no place in this world? I want to throw my helmet down and demand that life quits hitting me, challenging my convictions, demeaning the morals and values I hold dear. But life will not tend to my request. Can I keep moving forward? Can my family keep moving forward? I have spent the week calling out to God, pleading that this cup before us be taken away. It's too painful to watch those I love ache with sorrow and pain, as I am helpless. I can do nothing. Please God, I changed my mind. It costs too much to follow you.....but ultimately not my will but Yours be done. My resignation to this truth, in my life, makes way for a renewed sense of strength to flood my soul, heart, and spirit muscles as I move forward.

Warning: Heavy Post

I have to warn you up front, this post is going to be heavy and vague, but I must vent to you. Have you ever had your ideas about someone shattered in a moment's notice? Have you ever looked at someone and realized you don't know them at all? I'm not talking about hubby so don't worry. Have you ever watched someone take all they have worked for and just throw it away? It's painful. It's heartbreaking. What do you do? What do you say?

Nothing Endures But Change

Things in our lives never go the way you expect. Heraclitus, a Greek philosopher, said this: Nothing endures but change. As I grow in my relationship with God I have noticed that He has a way of changing what I think about things. Let's take evangelism for example. I've always had this idea of evangelism as one of finding some poor lost soul to save, rescue, and deliver. I'm not so sure anymore that this is what I think. This week God is really calling me to explore five different phases He has been moving me through as I choose to be His tool in the lives of those around me. It is really messing with the way I see those who are lost and what role I play in those lives. I am learning more than I ever imagined and find myself both excited and apprehensive to move forward, but know that God has got a wonderful display of His glory waiting for me on the other side. I'm not going to post too much on this becuase it's really a personal experience I am having and it's not even worked out in me yet. God isn't done explaining it to me and I'd hate to present it incorrectly. If you are interested in hearing about it just grab me and I'll share it with you in person, but other than that I'll keep posting on the other things that are happening.

Wild Child

by Angie Whitby
There's as aspect of me I don't let show
She's getting quite frustrated
She schemes a way to get beyond
The room that I have gated
She's been there for so very long
I'm afraid she's grown quite wild
I despise her oh so very much
She behaves just like a child
But the day is coming, soon I fear
When she must be set free
I must embrace this untamed facet
If I am ever to be entirely me
Complete
Whole
Unique
Strange
Brave
Loved
Liberated

Waking The Dead Woman In Me

I've been reading this book titled "Waking the Dead" by John Eldredge. He's the same man who authored Wild at Heart, which is a good read for any man or woman married to a man. I highly recommend both books. "Waking the Dead" speaks of the desire in each of us to live a life full of purpose and adventure. Our truest selves are struggling to be truly alive and free. He suggests that we are conditioned to quiet, even quench that aspect of ourselves.
So far, I agree with his statements. I am a dramatic and passionate person. I have always been and am beginning to believe I always will be. It has been something I detest in myself. This aspect of my personality is one I have chained up and put in a closet to be kept quiet an unseen, lest someone think I am a little on the eccentric side. As I am exploring what it means to be a feral Christian, I realize I was wrong to have done this. God created me to be who I am and to deny myself that is to deny what He has created me to be. God created me to be passionate about my life. I ought not fight this fact. Let's take music, for example. It is a passion of mine. If I could have music following me around to create a soundtrack for my life, I would. When I think of any experience there is a song attached to to. When John and I think of how we fell in love we think of songs like "When I Fall In Love", "Always and Forever", and "In Your Eyes". When we think of the trials we went through when Isaac was born we think of "I Get Knocked Down" by Chumbawumba. When I think of my love affair with God I think of songs like "Now That You're Near", "Undignified", and "From the Inside Out". Music is a huge part of me and I have denied it. Why? Because it makes me feel weird to be so passionate about something as simple as notes and melodies and lyrics. But the reality is, I am weird, and that's okay.
Just for the record, I break into song at the drop of a hat, and when I'm ultimately inspired I write poetry. I'm sharing a poem I wrote two years ago, as my first step to exploring my ferality. Don't be too harsh.

Pictures from Mount Lemmon

Here's the view from where we sit.

Here's the view as we walk down.

Look closely and you can see the rain hitting the surface of the lake.

Isaac's triumphant return.

The sleet hits the windshield as we drive home.

Called on Account of Rain

So our mountain trip today was way cool. Sure we got rained out, but it was the coolest rain ever. Thunder...no lightning.
Hail and sleet.
Huge rain drops that pelted me on the head as I walked to the truck.
BUT...the relaxing part was so worth it.
Lying in a hammock for two hours.
Listening to the laughter of my children as they caught crawdads.
Soaking up the beauty of God's world. What more could one ask for? Maybe feeling a little better so I could have gone to small group, but I'll not be too upset about that one.

I Love Rocky!

Okay so those of you who know me, know I am a HUGE Rocky Balboa fan. The first three are great...the fourth is a little weak, but the final movie Balboa is just the icing (not the whipped cream junk, the full butter cream deliciousness) on the cake. I just watched it again for the fiftieth time and again I am inspired to go out and fight some unbeatable enemy regardless of my odds. In the movie Balboa, Rocky makes a statement that sums up our year so far.

Let me tell you something you already know. The world ain't all sunshine and rainbows. It is a very mean and nasty place, and I don't care how tough you are, it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it.

We are not on their knees. We are standing tall and confident in one thing...there is a God and He is taking care of us. Many of you know that our family has been going through the ringer during the last several months and have kept our family in your prayers. Thank you so much for that. God is answering prayers. He has taught us so much about our faith and our purpose in our community. He has allowed us to experience the love that surrounds us almost daily. The world may beat us to our knees, but now we understand that we are not obligated to stay there, because our God is supernatural.

Conviction Often Leads To Courage

My reading took me to Acts 23 yesterday and what I read got me to thinking...yes again. I think too much, is what you're thinking right? Anyway, the previous chapter ended with Paul preparing to address a mob, in Jerusalem, who wanted him dead. His friends had pleaded him not to go. They all knew what awaited him in Jerusalem. And yet he went. As Paul's speech is delivered I got a sense of something that struck my heart to the core. Paul's choices of courage were not a result of a random desire to leave his mark on the world. He believed in Jesus. He believed in the power of God. He had seen what that power had done in his life and he was convinced that everyone needed to know about this power. He had been convicted of sin and sentenced to a life of death, until the love of God flooded his life and transformed him into a man of passion for God. His heart had been changed. His heart to kill and destroy was now a heart set on life and restoration. His thoughts had been to squelch the message of Jesus. They were now thoughts of keeping the message alive at any cost. I have often wished I was a woman of courage and wondered how one becomes such a person. I now realize it has nothing to do with my desire to be courageous, it has more to do with what I passionately believe. My passionate belief about something will lead my actions regardless of my fears and hesitations.

Being Brave Isn't Always Comfortable

Have you ever made the choice to do something and then realized you were anxious to actually do it? Yeah, I'm there right now. I know it's the right choice, but that the unknown of how this choice will affect our family makes me reconsider. It's an uncomfortable feeling. I don't like it. I wish I could talk myself out of it, but I've already set up some safety measures to hold myself to it. I've sabotaged myself. I've made it impossible to weasel out of it and not look like a coward. Being brave is something everyone aspires to, but actually taking the road of bravery is uncomfortable. I guess if it were comfortable, more people would do it, right? So maybe I'm on the right path. If not, it will be a good lesson.

Blood Donor

I'm an official blood donor. My kids saw a swarm of people crossing the street as we drove to their theater camp and asked what a blood donor was. I explained blood donors in seven and nine year old terms. Their next question was, "Have you done that, Mom?". Of course that was the next question, right? I responded that I had once long ago, but probably should do it again. They agreed and asked if I would turn the music back up. I was going to blow it off, but something in me (most likely my conscious) urged me not to blow it off. So, after I dropped the kids off at theater camp, I headed over to the neighborhood Red Cross and donated. There I found out that the walkers were people who volunteered or worked for the Red Cross. I also learned that they were walking to bring attention to the fact that the local chapter of the American Red Cross needs 23,000 donors for the summer supply. I'm proud to have brought the number down to 22,999. We, as a family, always talk about giving back to our community. It's kind of nice to know that I have actively done it, and I'm scheduled to do it again in 8 weeks.

Pressed On Every Side

The thing I love about martial arts, is that it gives me a physical frame of reference on certain aspects of spiritual combat. Today I had to do an exercise where I am at center of two lines. Each person in the line takes turns attacking me and I am to defend. They only get one shot, but they are prepared to attack as I am not. It was intense but exhilarating as I turned to meet each attacker. At first I felt barraged and wanted to pull the old lady card and excuse myself from the exercise, but found myself pushing past that feeling, into the ready stance. It dawned on me that I just needed to know that I was being attacked and that at every turn I must prepare myself to defend against the attack. It brought to my memory this verse, "We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed" 2 Corinthians 4:8-9. The enemy of my heart is going to attack when I am not prepared. My best defense against this is not to wish for a cease fire, but to be prepared to defend. Be prepared to fight back. Be prepared to be pressed on every side.

Assassination or Negligent Homicide

I said something yesterday that has me thinking. I told someone that I once had a dream and I was told I would not be able to ever achieve my dream. I went on to explain that I had accepted their words and accepted that I would not be able to achieve my dream. REALLY! I did that. Now, I am wondering, did I sell out on my dream? Did I give up with no fight? Isn't that contrary to who I am striving to be? Did I let that person assassinate my dream or did it die of my negligence? I'm going to have to think about this one some more.

Life Stories

I awake this morning with a slight sushi and chocolate hangover and realize, I have shared my life story with someone. I knew I was doing it. I was slightly intoxicated with the comforting flavors of a yummi-yummi roll or was it the rich chocolate sauce of the chocolate volcano. I can't decide now. Nonetheless, it was a conscious decision. We spoke with our dear friends about life stories and why we don't share them. We spoke of the significance of our life stories in our faith and their importance to our community of faith. I didn't intend to share my story and I was really trying to find a way to avoid the whole matter all together, but found myself sharing it regardless. My husband pointed out that we often hesitate to share our stories for fear that we will be judged, criticized, or blackmailed. I have to agree with him. But as I put more thought into it this morning I realize that my greatest fear is that my story will invoke feelings of pity. Why is that such a bad thing? Why wouldn't I want those things? And as those questions emerge my lips I am immediately enlightened, I want no part of pity and I want none offered to me. Someone once told me long ago and I hold this to be true in my life...pity is crippling to one who wishes to overcome. I endeavor to overcome any cruelty, injustice, pain, or loss I have experienced, and transform those experiences into strength and beauty in my life. What I desire has only to do with respect for what I've allowed God to do in me, admiration that I have not quit, and inspiration that if someone like me can make a comeback, you can too.

Waking the Dead

I'm reading John Eldredge's book Waking The Dead and I can feel the revolutionary in me beginning to be stirred up. I don't know if it's a mid-life crisis or what happens to a person before they start making thier life count for God, you can judge that for yourself. However, the view he presents on the life of a person who is in a passionate love affair with the Most High is starting to awaken something in me that has been silent for quite some time. For the first time, since I was a kid, I am beginning to hope that maybe one person can change the world. Maybe there is a place for a person as intense and passionate as I am. Maybe I can use my power for good instead of evil.
Here's an excerpt...

Yes, the heart is the source of our emotions. but we have equated the heart with emotion, and put it away for a messy and even dangerous guide.....Emotions are the voice of the heart, to borrow Chip Dodd's phrase. Not the heart, but its voice. They express the deeper movements of the heart, as when we weep over the loss of someone we love, or when we cheer at the triumph of a son's team at the state championships. The mind stands detached, but it is with the heart that we experience and respond to life in all it's fullness. Francis de Sales said, "Love is the life of our heart. According to it we desire, rejoice, hope and despair, fear, take heart, hate, avoid things, feel sad, grow angry, and exult."
John Eldredge ~ Waking the Dead

Stop Whining, Start Living

I just finished Laura Schlesinger's book titled Stop Whining, Start Living and I think it is a great read for anyone on the planet. One would think the book discusses easy ways to overcome a whining personality, but I found it to be quite the contrary. Dr. Schlesinger took a practical approach to life's situations and the necessity to distinguish how much time is healthy to mull and maybe whine over their occurrence. It also provided some ideas on how to shift perspective on life's situations. My favorite example is this. Your husband doesn't clean up after himself. It makes you angry. You can either whine about it, which is sometimes what I do or you can imagine a life without him. You can image that the house is immaculately clean without him. He is not there. For me that is a huge loss and to give up my husband for a clean house is ludicrous. A clean house would mean my husbands hugs, kisses, reassuring words, and laughter were gone. A few items to pick up here and there, so worth it. That is just one example. There are many. She has a straightforward approach that may sting from time to time, but if you stick with it you just may find she has a bit of wisdom you might want to apply to your life.

Rose Canyon

This weekend was a very relaxing one. I lounged around all day Saturday, which was nice, but left me feeling a little lazy. So, I redeemed myself, by making half-cooked chocolate cookie bars. Yeah, that hit the spot. We lounged by the pool most of the evening making it a completely unproductive day. Well, I take that back, I rejuvenated myself and was now ready to take on Sunday. What happened Sunday? Well, we headed to Rose Canyon to fish and relax. Now I have to admit, relaxing proved to be a little more difficult that anticipated at picturesque Rose Canyon. My children quickly took up the fine art of crawdad fishing. It was more like trapping than fishing, but let's not get into technicalities, okay. Anyway, the first hour was noisy! I was stunned by the group beside us who yelled, screamed, shrieked, whatever you want to call it, at every crawdad my kids caught. Not to mention the crying babies, who I imagined, just wanted to go home. It wasn't all bad, once they settled down, I was able to relax and enjoy the peaceful noises of the lake and the wind blowing through the trees. We will definitely have to do that again. I am finding, I am more of a nature girl than I imagined I would ever be.

Don't worry, no crawdads were killed during this fishing trip. They may be missing claws, but there were no fatalities.

Steering A Ship

Yesterday's reading included Acts 16 and I was unprepared for the provocation of thoughts it would lead to. Paul decides to visit Asia and is stopped by the Holy Spirit. So he heads over to Bithinia and again he is prevented from continuing. I would imagine that Paul is starting to get a little frustrated with this. He is desperately pursuing God's will for his life and it seems he is being stopped at every turn. BUT what if that isn't what is happening? What if, he wasn't sure where to go so he decided to start moving and trust that the spirit would guide him? Maybe he wasn't sure what the next step was, but figured he would start moving anyway and trust God to come through? I once heard a long time ago (when I was 18) that a ship is better steered when it is moving. Trying to steer a ship that is stationary is pretty difficult. Which led me to my next thought. We, as a family, are faced with so much chaos and it's easy to believe we're just going around in circles, but maybe we are exactly where God wants us. From all appearances we keep moving and heading in directions that don't seem to make sense only to be led in a different direction, and I've been frustrated with myself and God wondering if maybe I'm not hearing from Him, or worse, HE isn't coming through for us. BUT He is faithful. HE has us just where He wants us. I'll just keep moving where HE leads and trust that He will always come through for us.

Mystery

Colossians 1:25 - 27
I have become its servant by the commission God gave me to present to you the word of God in its fullness— the mystery that has been kept hidden for ages and generations, but is now disclosed to the saints. To them God has chosen to make known among the Gentiles the glorious riches of this mystery, which is Christ in you, the hope of glory.

This is quickly becoming my favorite passage. I have always known it, but it never made sense to me. I think I am coming to understand what it means to my life. It may not apply to yours, but it's working for me and changing the way I think about my relationship with God.
I have this vision of myself. It's the best version of Angie. I am good, kind, humble, thoughtful, considerate, generous, and most of all godly. This isn't who I am all the time right now, but it is something I aspire to be. The mystery, I believe, is that God, through Jesus' work, has made it possible for me to have hope that someday I may get there. As I develop my relationship with God, I get closer to my and most likely His goal for my life. As I get closer to Him, His thoughts become my thoughts, His ways become my ways, and I start fulfilling my purpose here on the earth. The world is changed as I am changed, with God's power and nothing else. But I must have a relationship with Him to achieve this. I think this is where we make it too hard. We do way too much to prove our relationship. I know I have done this. Instead, my focus should be on developing my relationship with God. I know it sounds simple, but maybe that was the light yoke that Jesus spoke of in Matthew 11. Maybe I'm wrong, but I'd like to know what you all think.

Jump Starting the brain

Reality strikes again. I'm glad to be home, but I'm having a hard time jump starting my brain. I am feeling a whole heap less stress and that makes for a calm mommy. But I do miss that beach. I may have to bring out the ocean sounds cd and start pretending I'm back in La Jolla.

Community

A member of my community will be leaving and I am sad. It's hard to do this community thing, knowing that there may come a time when paths will separate. I think the hard part is, I don't understand why. Why must it be so? I don't understand why my friends will be moving on. I wish they could stay. I want what is best for them and know this must be it, but it doesn't make it any easier. I again remember why I hesitate to commit to a community. People seem to be coming and going quite a bit lately. Changes seem to be the only world we know. It is hard to allow people to get tangled into your heart only to be taken away. It makes me wonder, are we on the right path?

Back To Reality

Reality awaits me. I returned home from a week in La Jolla, Ca. and realized life was there to greet me, and it isn't as bad as it was before I left. Isn't it amazing how a break can give you a renewed perspective on life. My kids were waiting to greet me with open arms and hearts. I love them. Life is still a struggle, but I learned, while resting, that it is worth it. No matter what road we choose from here, we choose it together and we walk it together. My family is with me and we are strong. No matter what life throws at us, we will stand strong.

San Diego

We're in San Diego. We're chaperone's, so we're not really vacationing, but it sure feels like it. This is a wonderful opportunity and we thank God that he provided it for us. It is gorgeous! The weather is cool and refreshing, there is a God and I sense Him here. I know he's been with us and he's been present during our struggles, but it is here, away from the struggles of life that we can see God clearly without all of the distractions of life. We can take this moment to rest in the beauty He has created. Don't get me wrong, we've felt God and have sense His peace in our home is a way we've never known before. Never before, have we been able to say that as the storms of life rage around us we sense God's peace in the midst. And yet we have this past month. Today, the peace we have felt now matches our surroundings, at least for a short time. We shall accept this reprieve and re-energize ourselves so that we can return to our home and continue to be about His business. C-Peau, if you're reading, thank you so much for your generosity and making this trip possible. We will return, ready for life. You guys rock.

His Eye Is On The Sparrow

Quite literally. Two days ago my children found two sparrow chicks in our backyard. I was a little nervous at first, knowing this might end in death. However, we used it as an opportunity to teach our daughter a very important lesson. After finding out they were fledglings, we decided to keep them safe from the neighborhood cats. We kept them overnight in our storage room and fed them some fruit. The next day we awoke to find Nathan and Lily alive and well. My daughter and son fed them some more fruit and watched to see what would happen. Nathan flew away that afternoon and is doing fine. My daughter was a little sad to see him leave, but was happy Lily was still with us. Lily was a little slower to pick up the art of flying so she stayed with us one more night. After a meal of meal worms and fruit, she slept peacefully in our storage room. Today she was alive and well and complaining of hunger. We gave her one final meal of fruit and she was off to see the world. We had to help her a little, but she is off and flying and doing her bird thing. My daughter had a hard time letting her struggle with flying, she wanted to help her and move her and feed her and keep her. I explained to her that birds do better in the sky. The more we help them, the less they are able to survive on their own. She didn't agree, but trusted that I knew what I was talking about. As she watched Lily "leave the nest" I congratulated her, "Good job Mama bird."

A New Name

Our church had it's first service with it's new name and in a new building. It was different in a good way. I think our kids weren't sure what to expect being in a different location, and so they were a little apprehensive. I'm so glad they had this experience. On the way home Saturday night, our teenager said, "So, the only thing that has changed is the building? We are still the same people and the same beliefs? That's cool." I'm so glad they are learning at a young age that church isn't about a building or a name, it's about the people in the community and how they treat each other. It's about how we show our love for each other. Jars of Clay did a great version of They'll Know We Are Christians By Our Love and I think of this song when I think of our church. It has been a long time coming, but I truly feel like we are in a community that is dedicated to being true examples of God's love. In Acts, that kind of community changed the world.

The Right To Be Heard

Last Saturday night, at church, our pastor said something that has been repeating in my mind all week long. "You have to earn the right to be heard." Often, we have to earn the right to be heard by them before we can ever share the gospel with them. They must see us as an authentic display of God's love. We can't just come in and start "preaching" at them. Of course, I'm paraphrasing and putting it in my own words, but the gist is the same. I have never been comfortable with "witnessing" in the conventional idea, but I like the idea of earning the right to be heard in people's lives. If I listen to people and try to understand where they are coming from, as our pastor suggested, then we have an idea of who they really are and what they are truly searching for.
Maybe that is what is happening in our lives right now. From all appearances, my man and I are sickeningly in love, and we are. It would be easy to believe that our relationship is just so easy because life has been easy to this point, life has been prosperous until now. Of course we love life. Life has, so far, been good to us. But now that life is being a bit cruel, how are we? Now that life seems to be dealing us a bad hand, can our love stay strong? Our love is stronger today than it ever has been. It's hard and I wish it were different, but it's not. That's just the way life goes.
I've been reading a book titled "Stop Whining, Start Living" and it speaks of perspective and it's ability to change how we look at almost any situation we face. Yes, we are financially challenged, BUT we have experienced kindness from strangers in a new way. Our eyes have been opened to the many friends we have around us. We have grown in our faith as we watch God provide over and over again. We have grown in our love as we cling to each other during this craziness. We have lost weight as we no longer can afford to eat out as much (sad isn't it).
We can sit and whine or we can embrace what we have. And what we have gained and are gaining, in the lives of those who have been watching us, is the right to be heard. And we will use that to glorify God in whatever way He sees fit.

Survival

So I survived my weekend, despite all of the wonderful things Friday held for me. Yes I was being sarcastic. Friday went better than expected. The Lord is good. He taught us some valuable lessons this weekend that we will never forget.
On a happier note, I was able to test for my orange belt and successfully passed. I was proud of the effort I put out and how good it felt to achieve something I have been working hard for. I did my board break successfully and will now start learning the orange belt material.
And finally, my firstborn is nine today. I can't believe he has grown so fast and so strong. I am proud of the boy he is becoming and look forward to watching him develop as a man.

I DON'T WANT TO!

I just found out that I am going to have to do the hardest thing in my life, thus far. I won't go into the particulars, but let me say, I would rather shut myself up in the house right now and never emerge again than to do what I will choose to do on Friday. I don't want to do it! I don't want to! I suppose there is no point to this post. There is no productive thing that I can say, right now. There is no silver lining in this cloud, that I can see. I can find no good in this situation at all, from my perspective. Does anyone else think that maybe God is pushing a little too hard? Does anyone else think that maybe God could just cut me a little slack? I'll be done now.

Living

by A. Whitby

Another blow
Another hit
Muster up more strength
A little more grit
Standing strong
Not standing tall
The wind blows hard
I will not fall
Living takes
More than it gives
All are given life
Few dare to live
Count me among
The few brave souls
Make my life count
This is my goal

Small Things

It's funny! Today I was checking out our martial arts school newsletter and to my surprise I was named Student of the Month. I even received a certificate. It's funny, I don't need a certificate to tell me I worked hard. My sore muscles tell me I am working hard. But it made me feel a little proud. Proud of the fact that I actually signed up for the class. Proud that I kept going back even though I thought I was going to die after the first class. Proud that I have broken my toe and still keep on doing class. In the grand scheme of things it's not a big thing, but it's a small things that makes me feel like I've grown as a person.

A New Perspective On Waiting...

But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.

When I think of waiting on God I think of two images. One is waiting, as a server is waiting on someone in the hopes of obtaining a tip for good service; one is waiting, sitting idly twiddling their thumbs waiting for things to happen. I don't like either one of those images. I have been doing the second kind of waiting. I'm not mounting with wings as eagles. I'm running and growing weary. I'm walking and I feel like fainting. My waiting must be wrong, in my analysis. Further research into the word waiting gave me a better perspective on what kind of waiting I'm to be doing. I want the promises God has offered and I am willing to do what is required to get those promises. The word waiting isn't what I thought it was. The word waiting means to bind together, perhaps by twisting.

But they that bind together with the Lord, shall renew their strength...

WOW! This I can do. I can bind myself to the Lord and not let go. I can hold on to Him and go wherever He takes me. I can immerse myself in Him and lose myself into Him. I already feel like I'm regaining energy.

Seeking His Kingdom

Today I received an excited phone call from my husband. It's no secret that money is scarce right now, so we've really been relying on God to keep us focused on His reality and not our own. God gave my man the opportunity to share faith with a young man today and my man took the opportunity. He mentioned being concerned for a moment that he really should be working on his to do list rather than jabbering, but was reminded that he was about God's business.
Matthew reminds us to seek God's kingdom first and then all the worries of our days will get taken care of and I know I forget this too many times. God isn't asking us to take care of our to do list and then start working on His to do list. He asks us to work on HIS to do list first! I am finding that often times, while I am working on His list, He is working on mine. I like the way the message puts Matthew 6:30-34

"If God gives such attention to the appearance of wildflowers—most of which are never even seen—don't you think he'll attend to you, take pride in you, do his best for you? What I'm trying to do here is to get you to relax, to not be so preoccupied with getting, so you can respond to God's giving. People who don't know God and the way he works fuss over these things, but you know both God and how he works. Steep your life in God-reality, God-initiative, God-provisions. Don't worry about missing out. You'll find all your everyday human concerns will be met. Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now, and don't get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow. God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes.

Mail

Mail is a pain in the bottom end of society. Does anyone else agree? It can be the source of a letter from an old friend. It can be the source of a bill telling you the money you worked hard to earn needs to go elsewhere. Either way I strongly dislike mail. I had to spend a few minutes opening mail we had been putting off. It was as annoying as I was anticipating. I'm really trying to find a way to consider this pure joy. If any of you have any ideas I would love to hear them.
Let me tell you, walking on the wild side is proving to be as challenging as I expected. I really hope I'm up for the challenge.

A Bad Country Western Song

My husband is looking for work.
I broke my toe.
And my dog died.

The makings of a western song....wouldn't you agree. But I heard quote the other day and it made me thinks.

We either make ourselves miserable or we make ourselves strong. The amount of work is the same. ~Carlos Castaneda (1925-1998) author, philosopher

I have a choice to make. I can either put work into being miserable or I can put work into being strong. So, I went to church tonight. I actually go to play bass which is always fun. And it was good to be home! It was good to see familiar faces. It was good to visit with them. I choose to put work into being strong. I figure, everyone I know who is miserable is alone. I don't want to be alone.

Acts 2 Christianity

As I was reading today I noticed something about the Acts Christians life.

Acts 2:42 says they were devoted to four things.
They devoted themselves to the apostles' teaching and to the fellowship, to the breaking of bread and to prayer.

1. The apostles' teachings
2. Fellowship
3. The breaking of bread (including the Lord's supper)
4. Prayer

Those are pretty straightforward and to the point. And I began to wonder today, what would my life look like if those were the things I devoted myself to? I know our pastor talked about this a couple of weeks ago, but I really want to park on this for a while. How would it change my life if I focused on these four things? The outreach they did afterwards only came from the devotion to these practices. They didn't feel the need to organize a day of outreach, it just came natural to them. Was it because they had devoted themselves to studying God's teachings? Was it because they had been fellowshipping with each other? Was it because they had broken bread together and spent time contemplating the sacrifice Jesus had just made for them? Was it because they had been immersed in prayer for each other and the will of God for their lives? These are questions that are running through my mind.

Follow Me

As we continue to pray for direction in our lives, I am learning a lesson about my DAD. My reading today was Acts 1. It struck me today that as the disciples waited for the promise of the Holy Spirit, they had no idea what they were waiting for. Jesus told them to wait and they did. The questions must have been marinating in their minds.
What is the Holy Spirit?
What will this look like?
How will it happen?
How will we know it has happened?
As I read Acts 1, I know what they are waiting for, but for the first time I understand they did not. I understand this feeling right now. Waiting! Waiting for a promise from God can be a bit unnerving. How will I know I am going in the right way? How will I know it has happened? How will I know I have followed His Will? And then He answers. So sweet and so convicting....don't you know my voice by now? How long have you followed me? How long have you loved me? How long have I held you in my hand and kept you with me? You will know because you know ME. It's both reassuring and unsettling, if you know me at all. I second guess almost everything I do. It's something I am working on, but it will be a life-long process. I know HIM! My whole life God has been the air I breathe, as the songwriter so passionately wrote, I am desperate for Him, and I truly am lost without Him. It's true I am a bit lost with Him, but at least one of us knows where I am. Right?

Sacrifice in the Name of Love

Many times we are asked to sacrifice things in the name of love. Those things can be anything from a car to a hobby. We often sacrifice for a friend, a spouse, a child, or a career. But what about God. What happens we we are asked to sacrifice in the name of love for God? Who can prove that it was God who asked for the sacrifice? Who can prove it wasn't? My husband is faced with such a choice and so by my relation to him I am faced with it as well. It isn't easy to look at. It sure raises the question: How can we be sure we're moving in God's will? We so thought we were right on track. However, now it seems that the very thing we are being asked to sacrifice is one of the things we were sure was part of God's will for our life. I don't mean to be such a downer, but I like to keep things real here. That's what is going on in the life of this feral Christian today. I'll tell you though, I'm starting to wonder if I really want to be on the wild side. It's a little more dramatic here. I like to keep things neat and orderly. I like my ducks in a row and ready to roll. Right now it feels like my ducks all over the lake with no intent of returning.

But God, No One Will Listen!

As I continued reading about Moses today in Exodus, one verse stuck out to me.

So Moses told the people of Israel what the Lord had said, but they refused to listen anymore. They had become too discouraged by the brutality of their slavery. ~Exodus 6:8

No one would listen to the man God had sent to deliver them. What is even more comical is the conversation that takes place between God and Moses in verse twelve. And understand I am completely paraphrasing.
God ~ Moses go do what I've told you to do please.
Moses ~ But God, no one will listen to me. What makes you think Pharaoh will listen to me?
God ~ He won't. He's going to be stubborn. I'm going to make you look like a god who can do miracles and he's going to ignore us. Then we're going to punish him, and he still won't listen. But I'll eventually win.

Moses did go. Pharaoh was stubborn. I'm not finished reading this story, but I know the outcome. God will win.

Things look so overwhelming right now in our lives, but I know I serve a big God. I know He is in control and if I know anything I know, He will win in the story of my life.

Snappo!

So, I've already posted today, but I had to post again. I broke my toe! A fracture of the proximal phalanx. Yeah, during sparring class. But the good news is, I got a kick in before I was finished for the day. I can officially say I've broken more bones in my adult life than I did in my childhood.

Taking the Plunge

I haven't done my reading yet, but I felt compelled to write. I've been mulling over a conversation we had with some friends this weekend. This month has been difficult for us financially and spiritually. Financially, our family is about to undergo a transition. We are excited that God is in control but terrified at what the final product will be. We know God has our best interests at heart and will trust that, as we move forward, He will guide us. As you are trusting God financially, spiritually you will always go through a testing process. We have been enlightened as to what is really important in life and what our purpose truly is. It all sounds positive but when you are going through it, it feels horrible. We shared some of the thoughts we had with friends who share our faith and they were so encouraging. It was difficult and terrifying to take the plunge of vulnerability and transparency, but as we parse through it today we realize that the risk of sharing with our friends was so worth it. They were supportive and insightful and most importantly, slow to judge. This is what Christian community should be. I have felt hungry for true community and almost fearful that it didn't exist. Again, God comes through for us and uses our faith family as the avenue.

You Will Fail

Today's reading led me to Luke 22. This is the chapter of the last supper, the moment Jesus tells his disciples that He will die, and furthermore their faith will be tested. Simon Peter, specifically, is informed of his upcoming failure. I'm sure Peter must have felt a sense of betrayal at the news. "Jesus, how could you imagine that I would deny you?" Enraged and wounded he informs Jesus that he would die for Him. Then, Simon Peter denies his Lord, not only once, but three times. I have felt this sense of disappointment, while I admit, I'm sure Peter's was a little more intense. But to deny your best friend three times is horrible. But to do it and then remember that your best friend already knew you would fail him in this away, must have stung the heart with great intensity. Did Simon Peter hear Jesus' words echoing in his ears after the offense? "Simon, Simon, Satan has asked to sift you as wheat. But I have prayed for you, Simon, that your faith may not fail. And when you have turned back, strengthen your brothers." (Luke 22:-31-32) Simon, you will fail me, but don't let your faith in me fail you. This is just powerful to me today. I will fail God from time to time, but will I allow my faith in God to fail me? Brings new perspective to mistakes and faith.

Meanwhile Back At The Pyramid...

My reading has taken me to the life of Moses. This is a story we all think we've heard a million times. But today, as I was reading the first two chapters of Exodus I noticed a trend in the life of Moses. He was compelled to take up the cause of the underdog. It starts with his walk through the neighborhood. He notices "one of his own people" being beaten by an Egyptian. He intervenes, which results in death for the Egyptian. The next day he notices two Hebrews in a disagreement and again goes to intervene. This time he is called on his actions from the previous day and is compelled to take it on the run. Now, as he is on the run he comes across the seven daughters of the Midian priest, Reuel. They are being harassed by shepherds trying to take over the watering hole. Again, Moses comes to the rescue.
What I noticed about these stories is that this is the man who will lead the Israelites to freedom. This is the man who will intervene on their behalf before Pharaoh under the direction of the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. I operated under the assumption that God called Moses to do something he didn't even want to do, and that God called Moses to do something that was outside of his nature to do. I am starting to think I was wrong. Moses always had a soft spot for the Hebrew people. I believe that is why God chose him to lead the same people out of Egypt. God didn't force Moses to function outside of who he was, God called Moses to take who he was to a higher level. God created Moses and he knew what was in Moses' heart to do. God asked Moses to fulfill his purpose. God gave Moses His approval. Of course Moses was freaked out! Moses knew it was something that needed to be done, and God knew Moses was the man for the job.
So today I ask the question, what things do I feel compelled to do? Do they fit with those things I have always felt passionate about? Is that a way for me to decide whether or not they fit into God's plan for my life? Already I can think of one thing that doesn't fit into what I have always felt a passion for. This view could change everything.

Ten Commandments

Dad (God) has been talking to me lately about teaching the kids to have a quiet time. I wasn't sure how to go about it. He suggested I start teaching them the Ten Commandments. I'm not sure if you realize this or not, but it's hard to teach the Big Ten to a 7 and 8 year old. I wanted them to understand what the rules meant in their world today. When you get to no graven images, you have to do a little explaining and then apply it to today. Well, I am glad to report that it has been going better than I thought it would. I have been sitting down with each commandment at the end of my personal quiet time and asking Dad to help me put the command into terms they'll understand for a long time. He gives me the insight I need and I present it to the kids. They love it! After we have talked about the commandment for about 10 minutes i have them either write what it means to them or draw a picture of what it means to them. Their pictures have been fabulous. I love seeing how it is interpreted in their minds. After they are done with their pictures I ask them to write a prayer to God. These prayers have touched my heart more than I realized they would. I don't always get to read them all. Sometimes my son asks me not to read his prayer. I respect his request. It's his relationship with God and I don't want him to feel that I have intruded on it.
As I watch their young minds grasp the concept of God's rules I understand how simple the rules are to learn and how difficult they are to live. When we got to commandment #1, we really learned some things about ourselves we were not ready to admit. Things like the X-Box can become a god, the Wii can become a god, even people can become gods. It has been neat to watch them take that knowledge into their day and use it.
In case you are interested here is just a sample of what is being posted in our home class to remind us of the commandments we have learned so far.

Commandment #1
No other gods. Only me. Kid application ~ If it takes my focus off of God it could become a god.

Something to Share

I saw this today and wanted to share.

When I Say I Am a Christian by: Carol Wimmer

When I say ... I am a Christian
I'm not shouting "I am saved."
I'm whispering "I get lost"
That is why I chose this way.

When I say ... I am a Christian
I don't speak of this with pride.
I'm confessing that I stumble
and need someone to be my guide.

When I say ... I am a Christian
I'm not trying to be strong.
I'm professing that I am weak
and pray for strength to carry on.

When I say ... I am a Christian
I'm not bragging of success.
I'm admitting I have failed
and cannot ever pay the debt

When I say ... I am a Christian
I'm not claiming to be perfect.
My flaws are too visible
but God believes I'm worth it.

When I say ... I am a Christian
I still feel the sting of pain.
I have my share of heartaches
which is why I seek HIS name.

When I say ... I am a Christian
I do not wish to judge.
I have no authority
I only know I'm loved.

Skandalon

Today my reading took me to Luke 17:1 - 2. It's kinda funny because I was listening in on a conversation that discussed this particular topic, I was talking with Dad(God) and asking Him to help me understand what my responsibility to other's was. So, when I came to my assignment today I had to laugh at how faithful He is to answer me. For those unfamiliar with it, here it is in the King James Version.

Then said he unto the disciples, It is impossible but that offences will come: but woe unto him, through whom they come! It were better for him that a millstone were hanged about his neck, and he cast into the sea, than that he should offend one of these little ones.

That's pretty intense and I would never want to cause someone to stumble and I would never want to hurt someone's relationship with God. I've heard many interpretations of this particular verse and when I read it today I did a little research. The word used for offences is skandalon (look familiar, scandal?). The definition is the movable stick or trigger of a trap, a trap stick, a trap, a snare, any impediment placed in the way and causing one to stumble or fall, any person or thing by which on is (entrapped) drawn into error or sin. There is more, but they are pretty much the same idea. The offence here is an intentional one. It is a deliberate attempt to cause someone to stumble. It is a snare or trap I set for them and for that Jesus says WOE TO YOU! I've always operated under the assumption that I'm responsible to those who are watching me. I am responsible to behave in a manner that won't cause them to stumble or fall or else I'm in trouble. It's a little overwhelming I must admit to have this responsibility. I've based this idea on Luke 17:1. But as I examined it closer today I understand what offence means. It is a deliberate attack on their relationship with God. I am called to live a holy life, but not for the sake of those who are watching me, but for the sake of my soul. I am called to love others around me with the love of Christ, for the sake of their souls. I can do that!

Another Look at Feral Christianity

What does it mean to me now to be a Feral Christian? I ask myself this question once in a while. Does it mean that I am a wild woman doing whatever I want? Does it mean that I am crazy and weird? What does it mean? To be feral means to exist in a natural state, as animals or plants; not domesticated or cultivated; wild. As I endeavor to apply that concept to my faith I find it takes on many meanings to me. Here are my thoughts on it today.
I possess certain personality traits, whether handed down to me by my parents genetically or learned as a result of my environment. I often feel I struggle against certain aspects of my personality. Those struggles lead me to believe that maybe I was trained to abandon certain aspects of my personality that I should have clung to. I realize I am making little sense so I will draw on an example from my life as a parent.
My daughter and son are very strong willed. They are headstrong and persistent. My husband and I are training them to use that strength to glorify God. The struggle we have is this: we don't want to drive that persistence out of them, but we need them to be able to submit to godly authority. The easier task would be to teach them to stop being strong-willed, BUT isn't that a part of their personality that God has put in them?
I watch my children play and run and laugh and giggle and envy them their carefree mentality. Can't I as an adult maintain a portion of the childlikeness? Instead I was taught that I must grow up and mature. While I agree that I must mature in my faith, isn't there some room for that childlike heart? Doesn't God tell us that our hearts are to be pure as children's hearts in Matthew 18? I'm not suggesting that I revert to my adolescence and act immaturely, but I possessed an innocence, a naive courage, a wildness that only the young possess. I aim to get back to that part of me. That part of me believed that God could do anything through me. That part of me believed that God was bigger than the air I breath. That part of me was wild with wonder and amazement at the God I served. That is the feral Christianity I speak of. A return to the natural state God intended me to exist in, uncultivated and undomesticated, tended only by His divine hand.

Things That Happen

As I am reflecting on the week, I must admit I feel a sense of accomplishment. I have used different parenting techniques this week and have seen some positive changes. It's required a little more intestinal fortitude then I thought I had, but I surprise even myself sometimes. I've finished off those little tasks that I've been procrastinating on. Why I procrastinate I'll never know...I'll have to find the answer to that one...tomorrow.
We've also gotten a story written about our men's volleyball team. You can check out what has been said about our Eagles here. It was so neat for the guys to have something written about their efforts this year. We are excited to see what the season holds.
Finally, the decisions we are looking to make, are somewhat intimidating but it is so nice to know that no matter what we decide, we are in God's hands. Change used to freak the tortillas out of me, but I'm no longer afraid of what change holds. Changes that we go through have been difficult from time to time, but we've always come through strong with our DAD'S (I refer to God here) help. He's never let us down. He's always seen us through. And He's always taught us something about who we are and what strengths and weaknesses He sees in us. We are truly blessed and as we approach this weekend of much needed rest we know we are in His care, whether we are safe or not is another question.

I Am Qualified To Be A Parent

I’ve begun reading a book by Dr. Laura Schlessinger titled Stupid Things Parents Do To Mess Up Their Kids. If you are looking for an honest look at parenting in American today, you’ll want to check it out. It very bluntly discusses her views on what is wrong with the parenting mentality in today’s society and how it can be corrected. It’s harsh and may offend many who have read it or will read it, but it’s a good read so far, even if it is a little slower than her more current books.

That being said, this book pointed out a flaw in my parenting mentality, which leads me to a realization. Sidebar, I hope I am always having realizations about my parenting. These realizations let me know I am always evolving as a parent. Okay so back to the realization, I know something about being a human being and therefore I am qualified to raise my children. I am not stupid, dumb, ignorant, unreasonable (although that can be argued from time to time), or incapable. I have survived to this point without killing myself. I am relatively happy. I am somewhat productive. I contribute to my community. I am qualified to speak on the topic of being a successful human being.

True story, I found myself asking my 7-year-old today whether or not she needed water for her martial arts class. I was asking her! Of course, she responded no. She was not willing to take the time to get the water she needs for the taxing class she would be attending. I started to lecture her on why she needed water and how important it was. I then proceeded to remind her of the most recent episode of dehydration we experienced, where she emptied her tummy EIGHT times in one day. Then, it hit me, a question that reverberated within me so loudly that it could only be divine. “WHY ARE YOU ARUGING WITH A SEVEN YEAR OLD? YOU KNOW BETTER THAN HER!” I paused for a moment speechless and still. My response could be only one thing. “Elisa go and get yourself some water. Don’t be lazy. You need the water and I know that better than you do. So just do it and then get into the truck.” She didn’t argue. She didn’t whine. She didn’t comment. She simply got her water and got into the truck. AMAZING! I am qualified and I am experienced enough to raise my children. I have something to teach them. I have something to impart into their lives. God thinks so. Why didn’t I?

Mediocre Christianity

So, just to recap, we participated in the tournament and survived. The kids did much better than they thought they would and I did about what I was expecting. It was a great experience and I am so glad we had the opportunity to do it. We all learned a valuable lesson on what it takes to be good at anything you do.
Which leads me to my next topic. I'm going to ask the question and hopefully I'll get some feedback. I really need to hear from anyone who has an opinion on this. Here's the question.
I hear many people talk of being Christan and giving God the glory in all we do. How can we give God the glory if we are performing at mediocre levels? AND...If we pursue excellence in all we do, how do we avoid crossing the line of making our performance more important than serving God?
I'd love to hear any thoughts on these questions. Whether you have a Christian perspective or not.

Tournament

So, tomorrow my kids and I will compete in our first martial arts tournament. I'm nervous, but I'm not so much nervous for me as I am for my kids. They are working hard to improve their forms and will most likely do well. I am also nervous for myself, but the nerves are manageable. Isn't it funny how we worry more about our kids and their stuff a little more than we worry about ours.
Anyway, I'll let you know how it all goes.

A Test Of Spirit

So this weekend at martial arts class we had to do an exercise. Sah bom nim called it a test of your spirit. I stood in front of a classmate and threw punches at him. He was only allowed to block. He could not move or punch back, only block. Sounds easy right, WRONG? As I was throwing punches two classmates, one to my right, one to my left, were to keep me from success. They could hold my arms, push me back, get in my way, and even punch me if they wanted. On hearing my assignment, my heart cringed. I didn't want to do this. It was going to be too hard. It was going to hurt. Then I heard another voice from somewhere deep inside of me. You can do this. Just stay focused on your target. Don't let anything stop you. This particular voice hasn't been around for too long. It's a new voice. But I really like it.
I started to think about something yesterday. Why do I like this class so much? I always hear people comment on the amount of strength I have. "You're such a strong person." "You're so brave." How is it possible for people to see something in you that you don't even see in yourself? I have never seen myself as strong. I have always seen myself as fearful and cowardly. But taking this class has drawn my attention to some of the strength I possess. I am not as cowardly as I believe myself to be. I am not as fearful as I feel. IT is just further proof that feeling is not reality. What I like about this class is this: It reminds me that I am strong enough, with God, to accomplish anything He assigns me to do. I can do all things, through Christ, who gives me strength.