Mothers Encouragement

I've been going through old video footage of my family. There were unlabeled cassettes and I wanted to know what was on them, so the organizer in me took over and now all the cassettes are identified and labeled. It was crazy to watch my children as infants. They were so small and helpless. They were such a mystery. Who were they? What were they like? What did they enjoy? What would they grow into? And then they grew to toddlers, the first steps, words, EVERYTHING! I watched and savored the moments. I have remembered being impatient, frustrated, and distant, but as I watched those videos I realized, I wasn't those things. There were moments of impatience and frustration. There were moments I distanced myself for the sake of peace and safety. But as I listened to myself talking to the children, I realized there were some good moments in there as well. There were moments of peace and patience, and complete joy. It wasn't ALL bad.
Let's face it, being a stay at home mom is a rough job. It's easy to feel isolated, alone, and completely inept. The most difficult part for me has been the investigation that takes place from the day they are born. If you didn't already know, kids are packages that unfold over the years. We struggle to figure out what they are trying to communicate with us. We struggle to figure out what they want. We struggle to figure out what they like, although it's usually pretty easy to figure out what they don't like. I do this so that I can know how to best meet their needs. But it's tiring, and some days there are no 15 minute breaks, unless they still take naps. Even then there are things to be done, that at the time seem as if they can't wait. Lunch time is more like running an obstacle course while trying to eat. HOWEVER, it's worth the effort to do the investigation. My kids are now 8 and 10 and they are so wonderfully interesting. They are so cool. I enjoy getting to know them and what makes them tick.
So if you...are feeling like they are going crazy; are covered in throw up; haven't taken a shower before noon in months; haven't sat down to eat a meal in who knows how long; wonder if you are going to survive; think no on notices the effort you are making; worry about your kids, please let me encourage you. Hang in there! This too shall pass. You're changing the world with every diaper change, every sippy cup refill, every kiss for every booboo, and every hug and kiss.

What is A Right

I usually keep my opinions to myself regarding politics. I have too many friends on both sides of the aisle to wander into these conversations lightly. So please understand right up front that I'm not commenting on politics now, I'm merely posing a question.
My husband asked me yesterday, "What is a right? What do you believe you have a right to?" It's a good question. What do I have a right to? Do I have a right to a job? Do I have a right to healthcare? Do I have a right to life? Do I have a right to a gun?
As I thought about his question, I realized that if you understand what you really have a right to, you will change the way you behave and make choices. Any thoughts any of you might have would be interesting to hear.

Wisdom is Shouting In The Streets

I read Proverbs 1 today and was struck by verse 20 - 21.

Lady Wisdom goes out in the street and shouts.
At the town center she makes her speech.
In the middle of the traffic she takes her stand.
At the busiest corner she calls out:
Provers 1:20-21 (Msg.)

I guess I always thought Lady wisdom was something I needed to search for, pursue, seek, investigate. It almost seems as though wisdom is seeking me according to this verse. It seems wisdom is calling out to anyone who will listen. Of course, I'll hear the argument that this is from the Message and I may be taking it out of context, but the NIV says it the same way. Wisdom stands in the streets calling aloud, raising her voice. It just struck me as funny that all this time I've been looking for wisdom and I find out that wisdom has been looking for me too. My prayer today is that we finally meet each other and unite forces.
Our church, Revolution, has been going through a series by Dave Ramsey on financial issues. Click here to listen. I like to think we are finally educating ourselves. The things he has to say on money are true and his presentation is practical and witty. Check him out and form your own opinion. Our response to his message is that we are endeavoring to get out of debt. We are deciding to become gazelle like in our pursuit of financial freedom. Wisdom will help this pursuit. I will be listening for her today.

Do I Make Him Proud?

It's funny how so many people have so many definitions of the same word. I once called myself a Christian, but I've seen others claim the same lifestyle and behave so differently than we do. It makes me a little sad. I have to ask myself continually, how am I representing Christ? Would I make Him proud? Would He stand next to me and allow me to call myself His follower? Everything I do, I think about. It's a little obsessive, but I want to make Him proud. Just some thoughts for the day.

Laziness & Complacency

Life has been tough the past two years. I realized last week that we faced many challenges. Challenges I've just now had the opportunity to process. I shared in FoodaholicsAnon(My blog on My Weight Loss Journey) that I've been feeling terribly lazy and complacent. I was getting ready to beat myself up when I decided that would be stupid. It has been difficult. I've faced so many intense emotions and it's normal to go somewhere with those emotions. I went into hiding. I think Tang Soo helped to give me just enough fight to not quit, and there were many times I wanted to quit. So, I'm coming out of hiding and rejoining civilization. Life is short and wasted in fear, laziness, and complacency.


As you grow older, you'll find the only things you regret are the things you didn't do. ~Zachary Scott
Laziness brings on a deep sleep, and the shiftless man goes hungry. ~Proverbs 19:15

My name Is Angie and I'm a Foodaholic

I've started a different blog. It might be interesting, it might not. It's something I'm doing for myself, but if you find it helpful....awesome! Click here if you are interested. I'll keep posting here, but on the normal topics.

God Was Faithful

I've recently heard from people I knew almost twenty years ago. It's strange to see once familiar faces of my youth in the now grown faces of strangers. Anyone who knows me knows these happenings have jogged my brain into a frenzy of activity. I moved to Tucson when I married and I left behind the girl I was in Phoenix. I found it strange and terrifying to be in a new place where no one knew my name. I was merely "The Beav's Wife". I spent the last fourteen years of my life reinventing who I am, but had almost forgotten who I once was. I know this may sound trite, but to me it has reminded me of how amazing the love of God truly is. My story is one full of so many mini stories and there is no time to go into them now, but the common thread runs through every event of my life: God was there and He was so faithful.

The Illusion of Mirrors

I've got this mirror in my hallway. I initially hung the mirror so we'd have a place to check our outfits before leaving the house. The only full length mirror we had until then was the mirror that hung on the door in the master bathroom. It was not accessible or convenient. But that was more information that I initially intended to supply. Back to the point. This mirror was hung with less that permanent adhesive. Why? I don't know. As a result the middle of the mirror comes free and creates an unflattering illusion. I spent almost two months walking down the hall looking down the mirror and hating myself. It makes me look FAT! I've gained some weight, but this mirror makes me look like my middle is retaining an ocean. I was putting towels away and realized the problem. I pushed the mirror back into the adhesive and took a step back. A miracle happened. I didn't look AS big as the mirror had suggested. I spent the rest of the day laughing at myself. It was at the end of the day that I learned a lesson. The mirror of my life is sometimes askew. If I don't adjust it from time to time I'll get a false image. Staying plugged into God will help me adjust.

Sidebar – I was relating this story to my mom and she laughed. She said, "I've always hated that mirror, but I'm glad you learned something for it."

Down Time

We were blessed enough to spend time in La Jolla this week. It was a little taxing, we were chaperones, but it was mostly relaxing. My favorite part was the time I got to spend with John. It's amazing how much we needed that time together. We knew we needed that time, but we didn't realize how much we needed it. We got to visit Disneyland, the beach, and Scripps Aquarium. The picture is from the aquarium. It never ceases to amaze me how awesome God is in His creation of sea life. I am in awe of it.

Time Out

I'm heading off to La Jolla tomorrow and I'm totally excited. We've had a rough year and I'm really looking forward to some time away from reality. I hope I get it, if not, I'll deal. I always do. I've got such a great support system, it's hard to feel sorry for myself. It almost seems wrong to pout when I have so much love.

Isaac

I can't believe it's been 10 years since this wonderful little, strike that, almost taller than me person entered the world and changed my life. I remember holding him for the first time. He was crying and when I called his name he stopped crying and looked at me. I also remember how he was whisked away and taken to the nursery. I remember how I felt when they told me he was struggling and needed to go the the NICU. I remember seeing him in his incubator and how I couldn't hold him. I remember leaving the hospital without him. I remember visiting him. I remember his surgery. I remember how they told me all of the challenges he would face as a result of his beginning. He may not walk well, he may not talk clearly, he may not learn very well, a long list of things he might not be able to do. I remember praying and crying. I remember John's determination. We'll believe he can do until God tells us he can't.
As I watched him run around today, carrying on crazy conversation with his friend and sister, laughing, giggling, enjoying life I understand, once again, that God gave me a special miracle 10 years ago. Dont' get me wrong, both of my kids are miracles to me, but Isaac's arrival was different. I always let people tell me what was possible, I didn't like it, I fought against it, but I accepted it. God changed that with Isaac. I have had to be his advocate every step of the way. My son, Isaac, my laughter, my joy. God has proved to me that one person can decide what the future will hold. Isaac was determined to talk, he was determined to talk, he is determined to be a train engineer, he is determined to be a source of laughter. He is determined.
God has changed my life with his birth. I have found my faith in God, my confidence as a woman, and my joy in life, as I grow as a mother. His beginning was filled with fear and pain and doubt, but I think it is only an act of God that today, 10 years later, I watch him and I am filled with hope, pride, confidence, faith, and joy.

Jehovah-jireh

As I was growing up, we were always doing some sort of study either with our school or church. They usually had something to do with the tabernacle and the days of the Israelites during their 40 years of wandering in the desert. I remember doing one that studied the Hebrew names of God.
Random sidebar - my husband has taken a second job to help supplement our income. It isn't as much money as he would wish, but as he says, some money is better than no money. I both admire and respect his desire to provide for our family at such sacrificing extremes. It has been a huge adjustment to our family with regards to our schedule and time together. I find we are fighting ferociously to keep the time we spend together, as a unit, in tact.
Okay so as I was preparing laundry this morning and praying over my family, my husband in particular a song we used to sing in this class came to my mind. Usually the teacher would find a song that went with the name we were studying to reinforce the memory.

Jehovah-jireh, my provider, His grace is sufficient for me
My God shall supply all my needs, according to His riches in glory
He will give His angels charge over me
Jehovah-jireh cares for me.

I'm sure you'll think it's a strange thing to be remembering, but I really believe those things we learn as children stay with us throughout our lives, whether we want them to or not. My God shall supply for all my needs. He supplied for the need of encouragement today and will supply any other need I will have today. He is so good and so faithful. I am both renewed in my commitment to press on into this new season God has us in, and to continue inscribing God onto the hearts of our children. I want God to be able to use those things we teach them to encourage them when they are facing a difficult time.

Jehovah-jireh - "Jehovah will see it," or "Jehovah will provide," or "Jehovah will be seen." The first time this name was used for God was in Genesis. Abraham used it to celebrate God's provision of a ram to replace Isaac on the altar.
I believe the study we did was by C.H. Spurgeon.

The Weight of Parenting

The blog has been silent. It's on purpose. There's so much going on and I am a transparent writer. I'm not good at being vague. I try, but it's fake and I have worked hard not to be fake. Life is harder than I thought it was going to be. I thought the hardest things in my life all took place in my childhood. I couldn't have been more wrong. Childhood was hard, but I think the parenting thing has been harder still. To love little hearts that don't completely understand is difficult. To teach little souls the importance of character and integrity feels near impossible at times. I know what my hubby and I are doing is important. We know we are valuable in these hearts. I just wish sometimes, I wasn't. Then the mistakes I make, the things I screw up wouldn't haunt me so. I'm not sitting under a dark cloud feeling sorry for my self. I realize it may come across that way. I just feel the weight of the importance of our responsibility. It's hard. It's a sacrifice. It's a donation of myself and I realize that my husband and I are the only ones who truly understand how much we give. It's a lonely feeling sometimes. Our prayer is that God will bless what we do. That He will bless our efforts and cover our mistakes with His pure, complete, and life-changing love.

The Power To Be or Not To Be

This week has been a relaxing week for the family. It has been week of learning, and a week of contemplation. This is passion week and I always turn my thoughts to the sacrifice made on our behalf. I think the thing that is most amazing to me is that Jesus could have stopped it at any time. The things I got through sometimes, I wish I could put an end to. Sometimes I can't stop those situations from happening and so I endure. How much would things change if I knew I could end my suffering? How much would things change if I had to choice to make? These are just thoughts running around in my head this morning.

Divine Romance

It's amazing to me how much Christ suffered on my behalf and how little I have been willing to suffer in His name. He was beaten, rejected by those He loved, accused, betrayed, and hated. I get my feelings hurt if someone picks on me or looks at me the wrong way.
What if, we are doing it wrong. Matthew16:24 says we are to deny ourselves, take up our cross and follow Him. I don't want to submit myself to rejection, betrayal and hurt, I don't want to carry the burden of responsibility, I don't want to walk the road before me. I see that it is the right thing to do, I see that it is most likely God's Will, but I don't want to do it.
I recall the crucifixion and realize, Jesus didn't want to do any of the things He chose to do. He did them for me. He asks me to do these things for Him. I now have the choice. I must decide whether or not I will be a party to the Divine Romance.

My Thoughts After Processing the Face Off Debate

I believe in God. I believe in angels and dark forces. I believe there is an enemy who wants to take me out because I am a child of God. I believe he wants to do this to get back at God. I know everyone has their ideas about what good and evil is and I have heard lots of those ideas. But for me, what it boils down to is this....God is good and if God is good, satan is evil. Who's side do you think I'm going to choose. Life choosing God has been the most painful, heart-wrenching, sacrificing experience of my life. But I still choose God, because there is a God and there is a devil, and he will use any opportunity to take me out and render my useless. He will use any opportunity to steal, kill, and destroy all the God has prepared for me. I choose God.

Heavy Sigh

Oh the life of a stay at home mom. I don't know a whole lot of people with kids my age so I've often found myself feeling a little like a pioneer as far as the parenting thing. It's not a bad thing, but when you are trying to raise kids to no conform to the society around them it's not easy. Today is just one of those days. You know, when you wake up and feel like you can take on the world only to find out that you no longer live on Earth...you now live on Mars. I suppose it's time to learn all I can about Martians.

Prayer...It Does A Spirit Good

Okay so it's no secret that our business has been slow and money is scarce, but despite all that we are holding on the the knowledge that God is in control and is able to meet all of our needs. So, we've been praying a lot lately as things get a little hectic and asking God to help us trust in Him and His ability to provide for even the smallest details. Here was His answer.

Someone was praying for our family yesterday. Someone, who knows our situation, lifted our family up in prayer. Someone else, responded to that prayer at God's bidding, and helped to meet a great need we have. The particulars of the need isn't important. The fact that God spoke to that person, and that person was obedient is important. In addition, another door was opened and some of the details we've been concerned about were met. I am blown away. Just when you start to wonder how God is going to come through and just when you start to lose hope, things like this happen. I usually prefer to be on the other end of this story, but I understand how important it is for me to be on this end. It's important for me to know that an act of obedience can change a life, and it's important for me to share this with you.

Now to get on my soap box
If God has put it on your heart to do something....DO IT! Look how greatly this person has touched our hearts. They have no idea what they have set into motion. Their obedience has inspired us to keep plowing ahead. Their obedience to God has sparked in us the hope that God's people are alive and well. Their obedience has sparked in us the realization that God is watching our life and is concerned about the details that we spend so much time worrying about. As I write, I am receiving phone calls from my husband telling me that details I have been handing over to God and trying not to stress about are being taken care of by people who are watching and acting. Your act, could be an answer to prayer. Do no underestimate your act of obedience. This act of obedience has set into motion a chain of events that will change our lives and the life of one young man who the world tried to throw away. Don't you want to be a part of something like that? I do.

A Glimpse of Eternity

It's a funny thing to me, this serving God thing. I've always found that when I get weary in life and find myself on the brink of quitting, I remind God that I'm here and that I could really use a reason to not jump. He has always been faithful. He shows me a glimpse of eternity in those I serve whether it be a kind word, a realization they have come to, or just the sight of God growing in their hearts. It's enough to keep me going. It's enough to give me the courage to hold my sword and shield up a little longer. I also find it funny that the next morning that same person will nearly miss a ride to school and forget to take out the trash because the snooze bar was attacked too many times. No worries, I know God is growing there and isn't that really what it's all about, planting a seed and knowing it is taking root?

Dressed For War With No Where To Go

Today I want to write about something important, something meaningful. I feel as though I am alive and awake and aware of the ongoing assault on our human spirits and find myself desiring to fight back against the unseen enemy. Even as I type I find I hesitate. I hesitate to speak of unseen enemies. I hesitate to speak of unseen things that are at work. As I have these thoughts I remember the words of the Usual Suspects Verbal, The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world he did not exist. Do we as Christians believe this unseen enemy exists? Is our lack of belief what has us in our current state? The Christians I watch are either too busy fighting amongst themselves, trying to keep their heads above water, or content in the comfort of their pews. When do we begin to put on the armor of God that Paul speaks of in Ephesians? I suppose I am growing weary of religiosity and we good people who stand by and do nothing about it. I am growing weary of seeing so many people in need of God and doing nothing. I am growing weary of those who hurt and weep for a lack of God and doing nothing. I am growing weary of having the desire to take on the unseen enemy and doing nothing. I have spent my whole life preparing for spiritual warfare...now what?