I Love My Day as a Full Time Mom

WARNING: THIS IS JUST MY RANTINGS. I AM PROVIDING NO STATISTICS. THESE ARE JUST MY OPINIONS AND IDEAS. YOU DON'T HAVE TO AGREE BUT YOU SHOULD AT LEAST CONSIDER IT BEFORE YOU DEBATE.

I have been a mother for 10 years. It's a long time to learn, grow, develop, sacrifice, and most importantly...love a child or children. I chose to be a full time mom (I'm not a stay at home mom, because I am rarely home) years before I had children. I married a man who supported my decision to be a full time mom and when our children were born, I quit my job and began my new profession. I've often offered to go back to work to help supplement the family income. I did do the part time mom thing for two months. I realized that my kids needed me and I needed to be home with them and quit my job and resumed my full time mom role. Each time since, when I've offered to rejoin the workforce, my husband reminds me how valuable my job is here and asks me to please reconsider. He has been accused of being prideful for not letting me help him earn money. I do not agree with this accusation. We both often wrestle with pride, but in this area I find he is the most giving person I have ever met.
We had been homeschooling, which I enjoyed immensely, but recently were requested (by God) to consider allowing the kids to rejoin the school system. We agreed and find that we have been pleased with our decision. With my days now free of children, I again revisited the idea of working outside of the home. I got to feeling guilty that my husband is working two jobs to provide for us and I'm sitting here at home. I know I frustrate him with this request, but he is so patient and loving. This time he asked me to look up the costs of a chef for dinner, since I wouldn't have time to prepare dinner as I do now. I was also to look up the cost of someone to come in and clean twice a week, do laundry, and child care for after school. These things are important to have to be done and someone will need to do them. If I return to work I will be too tired to do these things and will need help. Once I found the cost of all of these services, I was to total them up and if I could find a job that made $100 more than the costs I could get a job. The total for those services totaled $1700 a month. I now feel like quite a valuable little lady. I had no idea my services were worth that much. And I haven't even listed to services I provide above the basics. I'd also need to get a quote for a therapist, who will help the children process through their days and give them advice on how to handle relationship issues they encounter. I'd also need a therapist for my husband, who will listen to the hardships of his day, help him to process through the decisions that need to be made in the business, and comfort him when the day has been difficult. I'd also need to price out someone who can hold him and hug him and tell him that everything is going to be alright, and to remind him that he is a great man and a hero. If I'm working a full time job, I'm going to be too wiped to provide these services, don't you think?
I love being a full time mom. I am valuable. My role is important. Sure, I'm sitting here now blogging, but I'm also preparing myself for 2p when the kids get into the car. I'm doing the laundry that needs to be done so they can have clean clothes. I am preparing fruit and making popcorn for their lunches. I am planning out the dinner menu. I am spending time with God to refuel myself, so I can be prepared to be the best mother and wife these precious people can possibly have.
I love my day. I love creating an environment for my family to come home to that is peaceful and warm. Everyone needs a place in this world where they can go and hide from the harshness of the world. Everyone needs a place to go where it's all about them if only for a few minutes. We work together to keep it that place, but at this time, my role is the biggest. I finally get what my husband was trying to show me. I am an important part of the nurturing the kids will receive during their childhood. And today I embrace that role. I am not merely a stay at home mom, I am a FULL TIME MOTHER! It is my career. It is my profession and I take pride in my career and profession. It fulfills something primal inside of me. I satisfies a taboo instinct within me that the feminists of this world would have me beat out. I am a woman and I am full.

Family Bible Study

Last night we did our first Bible study with the kids. We've been praying about how to write God's name on their hearts, and how to plant the seed of Jesus and His love in them, and we found some material we are excited about using with them. Can I just say, the questions they asked us were amazing. I had no idea they were so aware of God and that they had so many questions about Him. I'm sure we'll struggle to keep it going, but we are so committed to making it a priority.

Assessment Pt. 2

God took me seriously 28 years ago. I've said that before. What I haven't realized before is that I have been viciously attacked for the past 28 years by an unseen enemy who would have me taken out of the battle before it even began. I know that I've been redeemed, justified by the blood of Jesus and His work on the cross. What I hadn't realized is that there is a part two to the process. Regeneration. Mark Driscoll refers to Justification as the work that Jesus did on the cross for us, and Regeneration as the work the Holy Spirit does in us. To hear him talk on that more click here.
I don't think I've ever gone through this process. I've been trying to survive for the past 28 years. I've not even given thought to heaving a regenerated heart. So, my journey to regain my Feral Christianity continues. I'm both excited and frightened. Pride will have to die in order for me to let my heart be regenerated. I've been trying to prove I'm God's kids with my acts of service and goodness, which is ridiculous. I'm already God's kid. Imagine that. I'm not saying the past 28 years are a waste, but I do believe I made it a little harder on myself than it needed to be. I've been trying to be good with a nasty heart. What I should have been working for is letting God get rid of my nasty heart. That sounds so simple, but something tells me, it's going to be harder than it appears.

Assestment of the 10 + 10 Challenge Pt. 1

Like most things, I took the 10+10 challenge with naive enthusiasm. "I'm going to do it and God's going to change my life. Yes!" Be careful what you ask for, right? God's been messing with my life in ways I wasn't prepared for. Here's just one story.

I met Jesus when I was 6 years old. My life was already a little complicated at such a tender age. I met Him at church and the woman told me a story using a little book with no words and pages full of color.
Black ~ The color of my heart full of sin. At six I knew I did have such a heart.
Orange ~ The color of the fires of Hell, the place you must go to when you choose not to have a relationship with God.
Red ~ The color of the blood that was shed when Jesus died on the cross for my black little heart. I wanted the blackness of my heart to be gone so desperately.
White ~ The color of my heart after it has been washed in the blood of Jesus. I spent a lot of time in the dirt so this was an understandable concept for me.
Gold ~ The color of the place I get to go after my heart is washed. I wasn't too concerned with where I would go when I died, because I was only six, I had a lot of time left.
Blue ~ The color of the waters of baptism. I didn't quite get this part but I like the color blue, and I liked the water. So baptism couldn't be all that bad.
Purple ~ The color of royalty, what I would become as a result of my white heart. As a fatherless child, this held incredible appeal. I not only got a daddy, but I got a daddy who was a king!
Green ~ The color that represented the growth and maturity that would take place over the next years.

I admit, it sounds so simple, but it is what I remember as my salvation experience. That was 28 years ago. I didn't walk away from God. I didn't spend much time building my testimony. But I did spend many years sitting still in the bondage of fear.

10 + 10 Challenge Day 2

Today my attention was drawn to the story of John the Baptist meets Jesus. It's not a big story, and not a lot is really said with words. I was asked to look a little closer, I have to assume God's finger was pointing it out. Again, I'm not that clever on my own.

So, John just finishes calling the Pharisees on the carpet. "You guys are like rats on a drowning ship." Not exactly what he said, but you get the idea. He's pretty much telling them that if they're looking for the next "How To Get Holy With Three Simple Steps" they're looking in the wrong place. John's mission with baptism was not to make people holy with the water from the river, he was symbolizing the washing that would take place in their hearts and minds. That's a whole different post, but it's worth some thought. So I'm going to move over that for now. Jesus comes through and is ready to be baptized.

I suddenly appreciate the implications of what Jesus is doing. In essence, He is submitting to the authority God has given John the Baptist. I do martial arts. Whenever I see my Sah Bom Nims (masters) I am required to bow and greet them in Korean "Ahn youn ha se oh, TANG SOO!" The Tang Soo should be said with spirit and strength. This is to happen no matter where I am. The first thing I do when I enter the school is, I bow and greet. If I'm at Starbucks and Sah Bom Nim walks in, I bow and greet. If I'm in church and they visit, I bow and greet. I show respect to the years they have dedicated to the art, and the respect I feel for their efforts on my part. So, Jesus coming to be baptized by John is like my Sah Bom Nims coming to me and bowing and greeting me, and asking me to teach them a class. John's repsonse is what I imagine mine would be...I'm not qualified, I'm not even qualified to teach you to stretch, please let me learn something from you."

Jesus was the son of God. He could have just walked up to the scene and informed John that He was going to take over. "Thanks for getting them started." But He restrains Himself and shows respect to what God is doing there and endorses it with His act of humility. What a lesson for my proud heart. Sometimes, I know that I'm right. Sometimes, I know that my way is the way. And I speak out of turn, out of place, with disrespect and disregard. How can God be in that? He can't. I can learn to be humble as my Jesus was humble. He did not exercise His authority over people and strong arm people into doing things His way. He waited and listened and acted, only when God released Him to act and THAT is why He is still changing the world. It sounds so easy, but it will be a lesson I struggle to learn until the day I die.

10 + 10 Challenge

10 minutes of Reading
Today I read in Matthew, as suggested. I didn't speed through the begats and found it cool that 5 women made it into the Who Begat Who list. Tamar, Rahab, Ruth, Bathsheba, and Mary. Isn't it funny that four of the five women begat sons from their second marriages AND that ALL of the women had a slightly scandelous history? I thought that was really fascinating. But the question that formed in my mind today had nothing to do with the scandelous women and Mary...or maybe it did.

Jospeh, I noticed, was faced with a choice right off the bat. He would either have to believe that Mary carried the child of God, or not. He was a good man, he had a good reputation. Mary in her condition, would ruin that repuation. Believing in God would mess up what he had spent his past working for. If he chose not to believe Mary is carrying God's son, his future is in jeopardy. Choosing not to believe God puts his future at risk. Believe- sacrifice the past. Not Believe - sacrifice the future. WOW! These five women did have something in common with Joesph after all.

10 Minutes of Praying/Listening
So I listened for a while and I was reminded of Proverbs 3:5 Trust in the Lord with all your heart., do not depend on your own understanding. The verse sparked a train of thought that I want to believe was God poling around in my heart, because I don't think I would have been this clever on my own. I want to believe like this. I want to trust in the Lord with all my heart, but what would that look like. How would my life change if I trusted in the Lord with all my heart? What would my life look like? It's the thought I am mulling over in my mind and heart today. Let me know if you find any answers, I'm interested to hear them.